Text: Lamentations 1:12-22, Psalm 51:7-10
“He that is jealous is not in love”
– Saint Augustine
What I am about to share is not something I am not proud of. As a matter of fact, it takes courage for me to even admit that a superficial struggle consumed me for years, challenging and endangering my relationship with my sister. It was only through my tears of repentance that God’s grace and forgiveness set me free… and set my sister free.
I was so jealous of my sister. She is smart, tiny in stature, has an amazing husband and beautiful children. What I was most jealous of was her outward appearance. In my eyes she radiated outward beauty, the beauty seen on runways, in movies and magazines. Thin is in, and I despised going shopping with my sister as she picked out her size one while I sheepishly pulled double digits off the rack. It was so superficial, and yet the grip jealousy had on me was suffocating. It seeped into my envy of her two homes and her ability to have children. My sin was really ugly and blocked my ability to love her.
The jealousy seed took root when we were teenagers. Years later, the right conditions sprouted the destructive weeds of bitterness, distance, and a mean spirit. Like the writer of Lamentations, my sin had formed a yoke around my neck (Lam. 1:14) — my outward actions hurt my sister and my inward battle was torturous.
God was at work cleaning my prideful heart, exposing the raw places that were keeping me entangled in my own mess. He was renewing my spirit.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a right spirit within me.
– Psalm 51:10, ESV
Everything changed when my sister and her daughter visited for a week to help in the care of my newborn son. Each day she would disappear for hours on a run. I was left caring for my newborn and my six year old niece. This was not my idea of help. She felt distant, both physically and emotionally.
We went to lunch at one of my favorite cafés and I watched her push food around her plate, barely eating. I saw for the first time that my sister was weak, broken, unhealthy, and struggling with control because her life was out of control. Anorexia had gripped her.
“Do you love yourself?” I asked.
She sat silently. “I’m not sure.”
“Do you know God loves you?”
Silence.
Outwardly my sister was withering away and inwardly was frail. She was just like me.
The grip of jealously loosened and was replaced with an overwhelming sense of God’s compassion and love. God had to convict me of my sin before I could come alongside my sister and help point her to God’s unfailing love. She desperately needed Jesus and I shared.
Left alone, sin will strangle the life out of our heart and soul. It debilitates, destroys, and divides. The tighter the grip, the less we can breathe to sustain the inward and outward life.
Repent and God will renew a right spirit within you. He will wash you whiter than snow. The triune God breathes life into our sin-gripped hearts, freeing us from sin’s bondage with His forgiveness that transforms us from the inside out.
“But we cannot escape the embarrassment of standing stark naked before God. It is no use our trying to cover up like Adam and Eve in the garden. Our attempts at self-justification are as ineffectual as their fig-leaves. We have to acknowledge our nakedness, see the divine substitute wearing our filthy rags instead of us, and allow him to clothe us with his own righteousness.”
– John Stott
Moved beyond words…thank you
Oh my goodness! These last few days have been hitting me right where it hurts, and I need it. I have been trying to avoid the pain of dealing with things the Lord is bringing to the surface, but this devotional is not letting me hide or get away with that. Repent. Repent. Aaaand repent some more. Sometimes I find it so easy to justify my sin or I trick myself into thinking it’s not that bad, but it’s keeping me from closeness with Jesus. I am so thankful for the openness and honesty of the writers and women in this community.
Wow. Lost for breath, on verge of tears, and utterly convicted by this. Thank you Lord that we are helped by Your Word and Spirit working together; and thank you Debbie for writing so powerfully. I know I struggle with jealousy, too, and this devotional has been mightily helpful.
Debbie,
Thank you for sharing your heart with us and your writing creates amazingly powerful word pictures in my mind. An evil weed growing with thrones and branches all around your heart and soul. God breaking those weeds apart to reveal a beautiful, cleaned soul!
Thank you for sharing and I pray that your sister has found God’s amazing grace in her life and eased her suffering!
Wow. “The Holy Spirit was not a given”. We take Him for granted all the time, and most of the time, I don’t even thank God for giving Him to us, to me. I need to do that. I need to realize that the Holy Spirit is a gift, not a given. Thank you for your words!
So well said!! The Holy Spirit is alive and well and I’ve been taking him for granted for years! Now that my closed ears and heart are being carved open, he is truly speaking to me every morning through this study and I’m truly humbled and grateful. He is breaking my walls and exposing who I truly was meant to be. One repentance at a time
Powerful. Thank you..
I am soooo jealous of women who have a man in their life. I hear what this devotional is saying, but it’s just not penetrating my heart, not sinking in. It stings to be alone at this point in my life. Anyone have any tips for a single almost late 20s woman desperately needing companionship?
Chelsea, I recommend reading a book called Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones. Reading that book along with wise counsel from wonderful mentors and the scripture changed my whole perspective. I also recommend getting involved in your church. Serve the Lord in your waiting. Use your single years for Him because once you are no longer single you will never get that back. Start a Bible study for the young girls or something like that :) Focus on your relationship with your first love, the Lord. Make Him all you ever want and He will give you all you ever wanted. Speaking from a late 20 something girl who just got engaged last year and is a little over a month from getting married, it’s sooo worth the wait!
Thank you for your response! I’m trying to focus on him :)
You’re welcome! When I surrendered the pen and let God write my story, He brought my guy to me right where I was ;) it was perfect!
I didn’t get married until I was 30. It was tough. What I had to remember is that God loved me & was giving what was very best for me during that time of singleness. God is not withholding any good thing from you. He is simply giving you exactly what you need & would want if you knew the full picture. Read Singled Out by God for Good by Paige Benton. Also be skeptical of anything you read that suggests if you love God more, serve him more, etc you will get married quicker. God has a perfect plan for you & is not waiting on you to be better. He just loves you better single right now :)
Thank you for saying that God is not waiting on me to “be better”. I needed to hear that. That’s such a real thing but something that definitely doesn’t get said enough.
I definitely agree and fall victim to that!
Amen!
That was so well put! Thank you!
I felt exactly the same Chelsea – I shouted and ranted at God last year – God I have served you without question, given my life to serve you, given up chances of men because you told me to wait… And look I’m 28 and single!
I was convicted there and then to get on my knees! After a very strange few months and chasing the wrong guy – a friend of 5 years (all the way to Tanzania from the UK!) I met the one. God took me out of my comfort zone – where I met another friend of 5 years and we looked at each other and went oh it’s you!
We are now getting married in July – after we’ve been together for 8 months.
The moment I knew God was in it all – was the moment I sat on a beach and went God I can’t fight anymore – have me – all of me.
God knows the desires of our hearts. But he wants us unconditionally. He will bless you – in some way shape or form – just get on your knees and give it all.
God is faithful and good – keep that in mind too. I will be 30 when we marry (him 27 – a toyboy) but I’m glad I waited for him x
Thanks Beki for your encouragement! I love your story!
Thank you for sharing this– I am also late-20’s and single and it is TOUGH! I feel like I’m ready to find the man I’m supposed to marry (had a promising guy recently, but no go), so I don’t know what else i should be doing. I am trying to focus on Him and to do all of the things I’m supposed to do (you know, “supposed” to do!) and “let go and let God…” But in the waiting it is so easy to feel forgotten. I am so encouraged by the responses your post has received :)
Chelsea, as a woman getting close to 36 (which is not old!!), who has been married twice and has 5 kids, can I gently say to you… Enjoy this time of being single. I am all for getting married young if that is God’s plan for you. However, if it is clear that His plan is for you to remain single, count it all as joy and savor every moment of it. Once you are married and then begin to have children your life with Christ really changes. There are so many things that get in the way of your quiet time with God. It’s not even so much about serving Him, though when you are single you CAN do so much more for Him and to spread the Gospel. But I would say it’s even more about your personal relationship with God and His son. He loves you so much. He wants your heart and your time and your life. Give it all up to Him. James called himself a bond-servant of God and the Lord Jesus Christ. My study of that says to be a bond-servant means to be a love slave for life. James was totally surrendered to God and Jesus. Live your life as a love slave to God and see how joy-filled your life becomes. See if He doesn’t change your heart to LOVE being single!! My sister in law was 42 when she got married. She lived for God since she was a little girl and devoted decades of her life to serve Him! I know she wanted very much to be married and have kids. Yet it was not God’s plan… At that time. She just married about 2 years ago and we have discussed several times how her relationship with God has changed. Not that she loves Him less, but she has discovered a husband takes time away from the time she used to spend in prayer and worship and service to God. We are the bride of Christ. May we all accept that gift as we accept the gift of an earthly husband; with excitement and joy and love and desire. May we all desire Jesus as much (actually, even more) as we desire a husband and children. And to those of us that have a husband and children already, may we remember our first love is Christ!!
Hey Chelsea! I hear ya! It sucks being single sometimes…ok a lot of the time…I’m 28 and single. I don’t know why we are still single. I don’t know who, where, when, or if this dude will come or not. I guess for me it is a continual opportunity (struggle) to leave my desires, fears, anxieties at Jesus’ feet. It’s like in Aladdin when he asks Jasmine, “do you trust me?” …Jesus is asking too. It’s just much harder than a magic carpet ride! We say and sing “You are everything, You are all I need”, but do we live like that, do we mean it? I lean on Scriptures like Psalm 23…”The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want” and Psalm 16:5-6 “the Lord is my chosen portion and my cup, you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, indeed I have a beautiful inheritance.” And Lam 3:19-24. I’m not saying to deny the desire of companionship!! Or to vow to be single and give up on love!!! NO! I think it goes deeper…do I trust You, Jesus, and will I follow you with or without a husband? Do I believe the lines of my life have fallen in pleasant places? Because I am loved unconditionally by you! I am your child and never can be plucked from your hand! Is that enough?…
I say this as much to you as to myself…it’s hard tho…
(P.s I also got rid of Facebook a few years back because the pictures of engagements, weddings, babies…of people I even barely knew was making me feel jealous and depressed! I was focusing on it way to much. Deleting my account actually really helped. Even if it’s just for a season)
Hang in there Chelsea! It’s going to be ok!
I’ve struggled with jealousy myself. It is definitely a sin I need to work on.