Renew A Right Spirit
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Lamentations 1:12-22, Psalm 51:7-10
BY Debbie Eaton
Text: Lamentations 1:12-22, Psalm 51:7-10
“He that is jealous is not in love”
– Saint Augustine
What I am about to share is not something I am not proud of. As a matter of fact, it takes courage for me to even admit that a superficial struggle consumed me for years, challenging and endangering my relationship with my sister. It was only through my tears of repentance that God’s grace and forgiveness set me free… and set my sister free.
I was so jealous of my sister. She is smart, tiny in stature, has an amazing husband and beautiful children. What I was most jealous of was her outward appearance. In my eyes she radiated outward beauty, the beauty seen on runways, in movies and magazines. Thin is in, and I despised going shopping with my sister as she picked out her size one while I sheepishly pulled double digits off the rack. It was so superficial, and yet the grip jealousy had on me was suffocating. It seeped into my envy of her two homes and her ability to have children. My sin was really ugly and blocked my ability to love her.
The jealousy seed took root when we were teenagers. Years later, the right conditions sprouted the destructive weeds of bitterness, distance, and a mean spirit. Like the writer of Lamentations, my sin had formed a yoke around my neck (Lam. 1:14) — my outward actions hurt my sister and my inward battle was torturous.
God was at work cleaning my prideful heart, exposing the raw places that were keeping me entangled in my own mess. He was renewing my spirit.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a right spirit within me.
– Psalm 51:10, ESV
Everything changed when my sister and her daughter visited for a week to help in the care of my newborn son. Each day she would disappear for hours on a run. I was left caring for my newborn and my six year old niece. This was not my idea of help. She felt distant, both physically and emotionally.
We went to lunch at one of my favorite cafés and I watched her push food around her plate, barely eating. I saw for the first time that my sister was weak, broken, unhealthy, and struggling with control because her life was out of control. Anorexia had gripped her.
“Do you love yourself?” I asked.
She sat silently. “I’m not sure.”
“Do you know God loves you?”
Silence.
Outwardly my sister was withering away and inwardly was frail. She was just like me.
The grip of jealously loosened and was replaced with an overwhelming sense of God’s compassion and love. God had to convict me of my sin before I could come alongside my sister and help point her to God’s unfailing love. She desperately needed Jesus and I shared.
Left alone, sin will strangle the life out of our heart and soul. It debilitates, destroys, and divides. The tighter the grip, the less we can breathe to sustain the inward and outward life.
Repent and God will renew a right spirit within you. He will wash you whiter than snow. The triune God breathes life into our sin-gripped hearts, freeing us from sin’s bondage with His forgiveness that transforms us from the inside out.
“But we cannot escape the embarrassment of standing stark naked before God. It is no use our trying to cover up like Adam and Eve in the garden. Our attempts at self-justification are as ineffectual as their fig-leaves. We have to acknowledge our nakedness, see the divine substitute wearing our filthy rags instead of us, and allow him to clothe us with his own righteousness.”
– John Stott
136 thoughts on "Renew A Right Spirit"
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Thank you so very much for sharing so honestly! It is a true blessing to me!
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Anytime, Beverly. So happy to encourage.
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Chelsea,
As a 31 year old single, I would say, let yourself grieve. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve balled my eyes out after a wedding or baby shower. I can’t tell you how many of my friends are on their second child. The best thing is to be honest with God about our emotions but to trust the why to Him. He knows what He’s doing and our job isn’t to figure it out but just to follow.
On a practical note, I would say find a wide range of friends…single and married. But don’t surround yourself with unhappy, single people. Also, as others have said, use this time for good. Invest in others around you but also in yourself. Take a class, learn a new language…pursue a degree. Filling our time with good things helps us not to “sit around and wait” for him to come. I also would be careful how many books you read on relationships. Some that have been suggested may be good, but can also make you want more of what you don’t have. Only you know what your heart can handle.
I just met a lady that wasn’t married until she was 46. She travelled as a nurse to Africa and just made the most of her time and life, despite being single.
And lastly, let this be a time to make sure God is enough. This is something I have to continue to do over and over. And really, we’ll have to do this the rest of our lives, whether single or married. But my prayer is always that God would fill the void in my heart that food, chocolate, running or boys can never come close to filling.
Okay, and one more! It is so worth waiting because we do NOT want to marry the wrong person. There are a lot of unhappy, married people in the world. As much as I want a guy in my life right now, I would MUCH RATHER be single than in the wrong relationship. We are not desperate. It is worth waiting for someone we just CANT say no to.
And with all of this, the pressure is off. The timeline of getting married is not something we can control! Everyone’s journey is different and for whatever reason, our time has not come yet. Don’t let others make you feel pressure to find someone or to feel less about yourself than you should. We are really in a grand season of life with a lot of freedom. A lot of married people would kill to be back in our shoes.
Let’s make the most of it while still being honest with our emotions. Note: crying ourselves to sleep is still completely okay! ;)
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Katie, I am so blessed by your words. Thank you for allowing God to shine His light and wisdom through you. Although I don’t struggle with singleness – your words ring so true in my own struggle. Thank you so much, Katie.
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Wow, this was great. I can relate to all your points but most of all, i just found so much comfort in the fact that I’m not the only one who cries over this! Every time it happens I feel ridiculous and feel like I should just get over it and find all that joy in my singleness. Thank you for sharing :)
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Thanks for sharing your story and keeping it real. And showing how God just doesn’t slap bandaids on gaping wounds, but heals us, even when the healing hurts. In a righteous way : ) that’s amazing!
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Wow! This was a beautiful story…. Thank you for sharing. Definitely encouraged by how he transforms our jealousy or pride into compassion even after such a long time! Thank you lord!
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Thank you so much for this! When thinking how this applies to my current relationships, I am actually at a really good place with my sisters. However, I see myself comparing and becoming jealous of other women, specifically other mothers who seem to have accomplished so many things when I'm over here treading water just trying to survive. But I have to keep reminding myself to hide myself from these doubts in the truth of the Word. These passages of scripture really brought to the light how I AM A SINNER and yet I have the divine opportunity to receive grace. Wow. So Lord renew a steadfast spirit. That's my prayer for the day! Thanks SRT!!
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When one is jealous of someone it hurts not just you but it hurts the person you are jealous over just as much. It hinders the relationship because the jealous one cannot fully love the other. Jealousy brings pain and hurts yourself and those in your life. We must kill all jealousy. Jealousy can end when we find our identity fully in Christ.
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Very true! Amen!
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So very close to home…I know that it is not just actions that need to change but most importantly my heart. I cannot allow the sin to strangle the love out of my heart. Thank you Debbie for your truth.
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