Text: Lamentations 4:12-22, Psalm 32:8-11
I’m the worst athlete. But just to make sure, my parents made me try all of the sports when I was growing up. I was so excited to receive a basketball trophy in the 5th grade for being “the only player to not score any points.”
If I had to pick a sport I was the least terrible at, it would be competitive swimming. For a short season, I inhaled glorious chlorine fumes and flaunted a one-piece like a true athlete. I preferred long distance events because they require more endurance than technique and, unlike basketball, a majority of the swimmers were short, meaning I had a leg up on the competition. Literally.
But my favorite part about swimming was that I didn’t feel much pressure. Coaching takes place before the actual event and spectators lose interest after the first few laps, so my victories were small and my losses unnoticed.
The only person to see my every move was the lifeguard who sat in a tall plastic chair, overseeing the safety of the swimmers. His only job was to keep me from drowning or to blow his red whistle if I were to cross into someone else’s lane or, say, hit my head on a diving block. He was pretty quiet for the most part and I liked it that way. Between my flailing freestyle strokes and gasps for air, I never really noticed him.
Somehow, and for a time much longer than my swimming career, I allowed this lifeguard mentality to frame my relationship with God.
I’ll just keep doing my thing and you let me know if I’m out of line.
Save me from tragedy and I’ll call on you when I need help.
Meanwhile, my execution might be mediocre, but I’ve got this.
When I read that God “sees” me, my rule-following tendency assumes it’s a warning, as if God’s blowing the same red whistle and saying, “I’m watching you. Behave.”
I wish I could write a really endearing story about repentance, but the truth is, I’m still aiming for endurance, hoping to finish the race unnoticed. When I do ask God for forgiveness, it’s more a quick gasp of air to sustain me until the next time I feel guilty enough to swallow the reality of my sin.
I become overwhelmed by the inadequacy of my sorriness, leading only to repentance for my lack of repentance. But then I’m stuck, drowning in weight of whispered words to God, face down in my transgressions, and that’s where I stay.
I begin to believe repentance is more about my guilt than being freed from it.
While I know God sees me, I don’t look for Him because I’d rather live in ignorance.
I’d rather perceive God as an obligatory watch guard or stoic spectator than see Him grow and refine me. I choose surface apology and manufacture makeshift grace for myself.
And Lord, I don’t want to any longer.
You are well-versed in the depth of my fears.
You are mindful of my faintest joys.
You don’t just see me; you see me through.
May the comfort of your gaze push me to bold, unashamed expression of my need for you.
Amen.
Kaitlin Wernet is a Carolina girl who now plants her feet in Tennessee as the Community Coordinator for She Reads Truth. Each day, she excitedly celebrates grace with her SRT sisters while attempting to tame her curly hair and avoid parallel parking.
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146 thoughts on "With My Eye Upon You"
I didn’t even know I was this way until you spelled it out–thank you.
This post, I’ve read it twice, defines why I’ve always feel like an outsider at church events and in bible studies, etc. i don’t doubt or lack in faith. I lack in taking the time to confess all my sins, or even take note of them…I just assume I’m forgiven with my daily prayers. I need to note my brokenness and express it better.
I also have the life guard mentality and unfortunately, the athletic Challenges as well.
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Wow. This spoke how my heart feels. I long to be truly close with the Lord and feel that He sees me. Love the honesty and heart cry.
I praise God for the honesty of our brokenness. It highlights our need for Him. He is not afraid of our lacks OR our questions, much less of our feeble attempts at following Him ourselves. But He still loves us. He KNOWS Juanita Camarillo and Chose to LOVE me… His holy, all-powerful, all- knowing way of loving. So many times we attribute man’s characteristics on God. God is not man that He cheats, lies, or is careless with our hearts. God is LORD. He is the King of Kings who stepped down from His throne to save this little human He created and whom He chose to love. To this very day, His eyes are fixed on me to lead and guide in LOVE. I encourage my sisters to see that guilt is not from God. He does not shame and pummel us with our inadequacy or human sin. He convicts us of any word, deed, or thought that fails to meet the standard (Jesus Christ) but he does so in kindness and grace, for he remembers we are dust (Psalm 103:14). Remember Numbers 23:19, “God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” In Psalm 32:8 He (the Holy One of Israel, the Lord of Hosts, the King of Kings, my Savior and Redeemer, Jesus the Messiah, Jesus the Lamb of God) promised: “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” I choose to believe my God and King. I thank Him for the faith He has given me to believe. And LORD, I ask in your son’s precious name, that you would help my sisters believe. Give us eyes to see your Glorious, Wonderful LOVE today, Father.
These last three post have been so dear to my heart, they have made me feel so less alone. Knowing not only do I cause my self guilt and repent over my lack of repentence but others feel the same way and we all realize God loves us no matter what. He is just glad we come to Him.
I sing because I’m happy! I sing because I’m free!
His eye is on the sparrow and he watches over me : )
Kaitlin… This post was so honest, helpful and perfectly timed. I’m with you, sister! Thank you for letting the Holy Spirit stir up these thoughts and for being faithful to pen them. ❤️
Thanks for your sweet words, Jessica! Grateful The Lord used this to encourage you today!
xoxo-Kaitlin
“Not a victim, but a volunteer.” Our God is an awesome God!
Great analogy.
Agreed!
Oh He loves us so much. I'm so thankful He's watching and protecting us.
Resting in the truth today that Jesus is more concerned about my heart than my obedience. I’m weak, broken, full of sin… Completley the opposite of Christ. But he is strong for me! He is perfect! He has saved me!!!!
Amen!
It's like you spoke right from my heart but I never could have put it into words. Amen.
“I’d rather perceive God as an obligatory watch guard or stoic spectator than see Him grow and refine me. I choose surface apology and manufacture makeshift grace for myself.” So raw, so good. So true. Growing with you!
Holy smokes. This was so bold and confrontational! Thank you Kaitlin for confronting an ugly truth in yourself so honestly and giving me an allegory to do the same. This piece hit me hard.
Shiraya, friend, I'm so glad we're in this together! Thankful for his grace upon grace.
xoxo-Kaitlin
God isn’t the life guard watching from above and making sure we don’t cross into the wrong lane… He’s our father at the finish line cheering us on everyday!!! So thankful for a God who is above all LOVE
I loved this! Can completely relate!
Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,which must be curbed with bit and bridle….I had an old Sunday school teacher that used to say all the time “Obey, right away”. In other words don’t let me ask you to do the same thing twice. When we are given instructions or directions by God we should immediately do exactly what He tells us. Why does it take us(me) so long? I’ve been the mule a few times too many. Ask God for wisdom and “obey…. right away”
This really hit home for me! Not only because I grew up as a swimmer, but it's kinda how I've been feeling lately. But I've noticed improvements. I started to get back into these devos about a week ago and definitely related to the "repentance was more about my guilt" my first couple days. However, reading this today, I realized that my prayers of forgiveness tonight were no longer coming from a place of being driven by guilt, but a place of peace and desire for growth & that real relationship with God again.
Definitely won't be getting too comfortable of course, but it's encouraging to see the small moves God has made in my heart and though processes in just one week :)
Kaitlin is my favorite writer! from a 16 year olds point of view it is so easy to read and understand
Madeline! You're the sweetest! So glad God used these words to encourage you. Love to you, friend!
xoxo-Kaitlin
This is my very first time taking part in a bible study plan, and I am truly LOVING IT. I didn’t expect the devotionals to be so honest and real and relatable. It’s so refreshing to feel like I’m sitting and talking to a friend with ever devotional I read.
Psalm 32:10 “Many are the sorrows of the wicked, But he who trusts in the Lord, lovingkindness shall surround him”.
“You don’t just see me; you see me through.”
AMEN!!!!
What a beautiful prayer at the end! I need to be reminded that not only does God see me, but he sees me through. He is with me every step of the way. I am not alone.
Beautiful, honest words that touch the heart, somehow, of us all. I look forward each day to the devotion & also the community of women who gather here to lift each other up. Be Blessed!!
Praying for you! ❤️
1 Corinthians 10:13 13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
Well last year in March with God’s help I did throw my razors away. Then in April a family member committed suicide. I relapsed in May and picked up cutting again to deal with the pain.
Praying for your strength, peace and healing. All things are possible with God!
God is wanting me to throw my razors away. Been a cutter for 12 years. I don’t have the courage or strength to do this. I rely more on my coping mechanism, which is cutting, than on God. Pray for me.
Praying for you, Angela. May you feel God’s love and comfort and feel him close to you – so close that your first thought is to call on him and rely on him rather than cutting. I will continue to pray for you.
Prayin for u sister!
Praying Angela! You’re not alone. Nothing you can do surprises our God, He knows and loves you. And this community of sisters is here for you! We love you too!
Angela, God is our Healer. Allow Him to heal your hurts. Beg Him to show you a way out when you feel your only option is to cut. Check out 1 Corinthians 10:13. I’ve been in a similar place to where you are and I will be praying for you. :)
You are blessed, loved, cherished and adored. You are a child of God, your identity is found in Christ..not any of the burdens you are carrying. Lifting you up in prayer and covering you with prayers of protection. May you rest in God and find peace in his presence…please don’t feel ashamed about seeking professional help. God has given them talents and skills to be able to help, please please please try and find someone to speak to. Xx
Sweet Lord.. Help this person that YOU created and speak to her as she has never before heard with courage, bravery, humility, passion, honesty and most of all LOVE from YOU! Let her hear as you whisper to her that she is loved and brave and honest and humble for sharing her story which took a lot of courage! Give her freedom from this bondage and carry her when she feels the need to cut. Pour on her the Faith that she can receive freely and place a wall of protection around her beauty! Now Lord we trust you!
Thank you Lord for being a loving Father to grow and refine me. Take away my perceptions of guilt and shame!
This. This is exactly where I find myself. This post was so timely for me, because I have been really struggling (in the best possible way) with this discussion of repentance. I feel like it's something that I don't do well, so then I think: "I need to be better at repenting". Then I realize I am looking to my ability to repent, instead of my Savior who forgives me. So then I need to repent of my un-repentance, my sinful pride, and my lack of reliance on Jesus. It is a vicious cycle, and completely distracts me from considering my sin, naming it before God, and choosing to turn from it as I ask for His forgiveness. Thankful for this great devotional that reminded me to keep my eyes on Him–Jesus knows my struggle, and He knows my heart. I don't have to repent the "right way", He just wants my heart to agree with Him about the depravity of my sin and look to Him to forgive me, heal me, and free me from it.
Amen, Sarah! Thank you for putting into words exactly how I feel as well. I have been struggling to understand repentance because I feel like I don’t feel guilty enough- but that’s not what repentance is about! You’re exactly right; the Father wants me to agree with what He says about me, my sin, and my position in Him.
The posts this whole week have been right on my path labeled need to hear
"I begin to believe repentance is more about my guilt than being freed from it." Wow, this REALLY hit home for me. I always seem to feel like if I stop feeling bad for my past sins or stop dwelling on them, then I'm not truly sorry for them. And then I get stuck wallowing in this horrible guilt. It's been especially hard for me because I had sex with my last boyfriend. We broke up and now I'm off at college and I usually feel like I'm doing okay but some days I can't stop thinking about him and I'm filled with so much regret but also longing. I need to remember that Jesus wants me FREE to move on, not stuck in guilt.
Maria, breaking soul ties is a new concept for me, but you might want to read about it in light of your most recent relationship.
“You don’t just see me; You see me through.” Wow. It’s so comforting to know that God cares about every single detail of your life, even the one’s that go unnoticed. It makes you become aware of the sin in your life but also aware of the greatest and powerful love that He has for us. Thank you so much for this study!
I’ve really enjoyed digging into Lamentations for the first time – I don’t think I’ve ever read it all the way through. It just makes the cross seem all the more amazing – this is what we deserve – God turning away from us because of our sins, but now he turns towards and not away. Doesn’t it break your heart to hear these words:
“The Lord himself has scattered them;
he no longer watches over them.”
Sometimes we hide and run because we don’t want God to be the “eye in the sky” watching over us, we think his gaze is condemning. Yet This is the result of God no longer watching – complete despair. And yet in the OT God was so good that these times never lasted forever, time and time again he turned back to the people, and then finally in Jesus he no longer has to – we are clean in his sight. And now his LOVING gaze is on us – the gaze that brings direction, comfort, love ! Amazing :)
I cannot tell you how much I identify with this passage. I’ve grown up in the Lord; I grew up with the word in my home and family. Yet somehow I came into adulthood with an overwhelming identity of shame. Every breath I took was through shame. Everything in my life filtered through it until one day I caught the idea maybe I didn’t have to. I’m still grasping with the tips of my fingers this idea that salvation and redemption aren’t just for my ticket to heaven or a way to guilt me. They’re for my freedom and fulfillment! I cannot put into words how it’s changing my life. I CAN tell you that SRT has been an integral part of my coming to freedom through redemption. The Lord is using you ladies mightily. Thank you for your ministry and transparency.
Aimee, ME TOO. I'd love to hear more about how you're getting there…I can see that's the key, but I can't quite grasp it.
I’m happy to chat. You’re welcome to email me. We can be pen pals ;)
My email is [email protected]
Thanks for the encouragement!
“While I know God sees me, I don’t look for Him because I’d rather live in ignorance.”… This for me is my ” sad but true” way too. How many of us just don’t want to face our daily sins? But knowing that He knows and sees all, well, there is no hiding from that. Thank you Jesus for your gift of grace to us all.
"I become overwhelmed by the inadequacy of my sorriness, leading only to repentance for my lack of repentance." — This is so me. Oh Lord.
Me too. That part really is part of us all isn’t it?
I can only agree with you both! Praying for a clean slate and a feeling of peace for us all tonight.
~B~ , I love the story of your little girl on her horse! Esp the part about how we all fall off but God is always there for us! I so fear being hurt again by others because of childhood trauma that I routinely sinned against God and chosen to trust my own gut, not what God says. I justify it because of how I feel, but I love the picture of the trainer, who knows the task is possible if his trainee will just trust! Man, this is so me! God I want to trust!!
Thanks for sharing!!!
Mindy
Thank you thank you for sharing this. the idea of an intimately involved and knowing God is so hard to hold in mind, and I am right there with you in the struggle between clinging to my own power and control and openly acknowledging my deep need for God.
Man Kaitlyn you always nail it. Awesome analogy and then BAM! Right where I’m at. Ouch. And thank you for the ouch which of course comes gently from the Spirit!
Leenda, it's such a joy to read along with you each day! Love to you!
xoxo-Kaitlin
*true to life
I think I could have authored this because it spoke my mind to the “T” I so want this wrong thinking replaced with the right view of who God is and how He sees me and interacts with my life.. Great look in the mirror this morning, may God grant us a “real” true to love understanding of who He is and how He is so much more than a life guard. Thank you for the great revelation today!
yeah
I know God is looking for hearts that are aware of their sins, for us to faithfully confess and repent of them. And all the while he loves us, surrounds us with His love, as the Psalmist says. I am quite good at recognizing that nagging feeling that I've fallen short and need to ask for forgiveness again. May I be equally as good at knowing the love of God.
I am here. “I begin to believe repentance is more about my guilt than being freed from it. While I know God sees me, I don’t look for Him because I’d rather live in ignorance.”
I have found myself so caught up in my perceived guilt – for every little ‘wrong’ thing – that i have been hiding or just not talking to God about it. As Kaitlin says, ‘I’d rather live in ignorance.’ For me, I begin to believe that it is all too small or too much or not worth His time. But I know that I am missing the point of repentance. Because it is less about my guilt (big and small, false or true) and more about growing close to God’s heart and living in the freedom that He offers. God doesn’t want me (or anyone else) to stay stuck in guilt, shame, etc – His way is much better.
I have to laugh because I feel the same way about sports, and pretty much see my life the same way with just trying to “get by” with maybe a little acknowledgment of God’s approval and reaching out to him especially when I’m having a rough day. But it’s so easy to just take the “easy” days and not acknowledge his grace. I want to be able to thank him each day for whatever comes my way, great or not so great. Just like Psalm 32 says, we have to rejoice in Him, and sing His praises, and know that he will instruct us and teach us the way to go. We just have to be the one to ask Him for help.
Thank you for your transparency Kaitlin. I related to your words this morning. You described something very real in my life. Like you, I wish I had that story of repentance, but I don't yet. I love the prayer at the end though. Thank you!
Friend, so glad these words encouraged you. Grateful we're in this together! Love to you!
xo-Kaitlin
This spoke to me so much. I'm often one who just wants to "fly under the radar." At work, at church, in relationships…I just put my head down and quietly go about my business, trying not to draw too much attention to myself and asking for help only when I absolutely and desperately need it. It's not the best way to live, and I know it. I repent of what is basically apathy when it comes to my sin. I repent of my fear of being broken in order to be rebuilt. I pray that I would trust Him more with His plan for me, even when it's really really hard. I pray that I would be secure in the knowledge that He will see me through.
I struggled at the beginning of this study as to what I would give up for Lent. I work in an environment where griping and complaining runs amuck, and it is so easy to be drawn into those conversations, etc. During one of our earlier devotionals it occurred to me that I no longer wanted to be a part of this cycle. So I gave up "griping & complaining". It seems like something I shouldn't have been doing anyway, but I find that we often don't realize that we have been so deeply drawn in to being the "negative Nellie" around our friends and co-workers. Work is much more pleasant for me now. Less people begin griping sessions with me now that I choose to not participate. My attitude is better, etc. An old Amy Grant song has come to mind several times through this study "My Father's Eyes". May I see the good in things when good is not around, may I be the source of hope, when hope cannot be found. Lamentations has been good for me. It has brought to light all my sins that I "thought" God did not really pay attention to, but those are the sins that can start as a small snowball, but become huge when rolled around daily. Have a blessed day sisters.
Question–Lamentations is HARD. I seem to gloss over the reading and in my mind say “yeah yeah…but God loves me”. Why should we take Lamentations to heart? Is this a consequence of unrepentence? Could this be the future of our country or other countries that don’t turn to the Lord? What does it have to do with me?
KK, I have the same struggle with Lamentations. It really hurts to read it. It is important, though, because it paints a picture for us of the sorrow that sin brings. I have been picturing the subject of the book not as Jerusalem, but myself and my heart. I have been imagining myself weighed down and destroyed by sin (and I have been there), and how that would feel today. I don't like it, and I thankfully have the Lord to turn to. Facing our sins is uncomfortable, but necessary, because satan is tricky and waiting on us to let our guard down.
The idea of seeing Jerusalem as oneself is great! That makes it more real for me. Thank you!!
Hey girl! Matthew Henry has some great commentary on the Lamentations of Jeremiah. I think it might help answer some of your questions.
KK I have the same thoughts. I read Lamentations and think, "this could never happen to me – to us." I see God as a kind, loving, and forgiving God, not of destruction and sorrow. I don't know if the events described in Lamentations would reoccur (the siege of a nation and physical destruction) but I do believe that sin can destroy our lives. So, maybe Lamentations isn't a warning about the future of our country if we don't turn to the Lord, but maybe it is a parallel to the destruction that can occur in our lives because of sin. My sin not only affects me, but also others around me. Sin can kill (a soul/heart); sin can destroy (relationships/trust/ect.); sin can produce sorrow. I'm not sure what the answer is though!
I have Dr. Char.les Stanley's Bible that he edited. He does a great explanation of each book of the Bible at the beginning of each book. He describes the theme of Lamentations as "when we refuse to repent of our sin, adversity is the inevitable consequence ". The beauty of the book is the hope Jeremiah the author and prophet describes that we all have in God. "Great is thy faithfulness". In Lamenarions 3:25 he describes the principle that God acts on behalf of those who wait on him. Acting is not passive, but contains prayer, praise, and seeking His will. I think you may be correct about the application to what is happening in the world today.thwre is great wisdom in these words that have practical application in our daily living. This adversity is a bridge to a deeper relationship with God. All of our hope is in Him.
Kaitlin, you have put words on my struggle through Lamentations. (Did anyone else breathe a sigh of relief when you saw the white space approaching announcing the end of the book is near?) I don't feel real bad about anything. I am generally good, put on a good show, swim quietly and ungracefully under the surface of the water. You got me here: "I become overwhelmed by the inadequacy of my sorriness, leading only to repentance for my lack of repentance." This process of acknowledging sin is not about saying I'm sorry. It is about a heart change. Am I more aware of my sin, more disgusted by it, now that I have journeyed with the Children of Israel as they suffered God's wrath? Am I sitting on the potter's wheel, letting Him mold me into His version of beauty? Or do I sit on the shelf, willing to be an unsightly lump of clay because it is good enough for me? I cannot answer those questions the way I want or the way God wants yet. I need to be here, to keep trudging through Lamentations. Lord, do YOUR work in me because MY work is not what you're after. I repent of my repentance.
My heart is there too, Kelly – hoping Lamentations is coming to an end, but also knowing that I am in need of this heart change. And therefore need to press on, lean in, and repent for my lack of repentance. Such grace and patience He lavishes on us.
amen kelly!
i am right there with you standing in agreement with your prayer.
Kelly, I'm right there with you! Lamentations is a tough read! I love your imagery of the potter's wheel. So glad we're in this together!
xoxo-Kaitlin
Me too, Kelly, me too! This is a hard book… revealing how numb I am to my sinfulness. Revive us, Lord.
Our 9 year old daugher, SG, had her weekly riding lesson yesterday. SG is a happy, talkative kid, despite her Autism, she is very social. Horses are a type of therapy for her. She knows more than you could imagine about the animals and something in her changes when she is near them. Her riding lessons are like life to her. Four weeks ago my girls started with a new trainer, a young man. He runs basics with them pretty rigorously, which I'm very happy with. While there, SG answers his questions, but doesn't ask any and she keeps her fear and true elation to herself. She's intimidated. i can see it. Her prior trainer, a woman, Soph felt free to say anything, which made her take instruction a little less seriously…..with the new trainer, so different. Yesterday He stood in the center of the arena, calling out changes and instruction. There was a point he asked her to go beyond her normal lap and her horse stopped dead in it's tracks. Everything she did to entice him forward proved to be pointless. The boy much like the ornery horse Psalms refers to. She was hesitant to insist he go forward because she thought he was afraid, she was a bit fearful and thought it easier to just give this one up and stick to what they'd been working on, but her trainer insisted. He walked to her, told her she could control the animal and that the horse needed to know who was in charge. She looked at him hesitantly, but didn't utter a word and so she went. In a few minutes time, she had the animal where she wanted it to go and I could see the confident look on her face and in her physical shape from my position. Her trainer told her how proud he was and that he knew she could do it. He threw a great number of verbal accolades her way.
It's easy to see God as the guy in the center of the ring, eyes on us, calling out our mistakes and intimidating us by His sheer prescence, but in all actuality, He's with us, wanting to guide us to further us into greater things, encourage us when we think we aren't capable or good enough and most certainly the loving guy who bestows encouraging and truly kind words on us. He's the guy that when we fall, as both my girls did last week, runs to us, picks us up, dusts us off and lavishes affection to ensure we are well. We can relax our hearts and our tenseness because He *will* always earnestly be there. He doesn't want us to hold back our questions, or brow beat us into repentance or training. He is the one we can lower our barriers and hearts and seek … He is that accessible to us. He wants our contrition, our grief, because He knows it'll move us into greater places, mold us into who He made us to be. We need to control the contrary part of us, not be controlled by "bit and bridle", but by our spirit, by His preeminent love for us. ~ B
Love this! Thanks for sharing.
What an amazing illustration B! You are a blessing!
I love this analogy, B! (Reminds me of my KY roots.)
“We need to control the contrary part of us, not be controlled by “bit and bridle”, but by our spirit, by His preeminent love for us.” And this. I can be so contrary and stubborn (again, probably those KY roots) but in the end those lead me away from God and toward my own pride which inevitably leaves me out of control – and rather succumbing to my selfish nature. But (!) to instead be led by the Spirit and His love – that is a good and beautiful thing. Just the thought brings me peace and joy. Thanks, B.
Psalm 32 is precious to me because it contains my dad's all-time favorite verse (and I've been waiting for it this week). Psalm 32:8 brings comfort to me. Our heavenly Father says He will instruct us, teach us in the way we should go, counsel us and keep watch over us. How often I try to go it on my own thinking, like Kaitlin, "I've got this." And how often I end up feeling defeated and insignificant. I tend to rush to Him for the 'bigger stuff' when it's the little daily stuff that trips me up time and time again. The Almighty is ready and willing and able to guide us in all of life's details.
Kaitlin, I have come to so look forward to your devos. They always bless me and touch me in a special way. This one is no exception. Do I ever need this one! Lord, let me see You not as just the one who watches, but the one who sees through me.
Can’t wait for your next post, Kaitlin!
Joanne, it's such a joy to read along with you each day! Thank you for your sweet words of encouragement.
xoxo-Kaitlin
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. … This stuck out to me this morning. I’ve been praying …searching..seeking what I should do with my career. The past few months have been very emotional as more and more I feel like I am losing my passion .. The gift God gave me in working with children. I’m now in a role where I am a more behind the scenes person- sitting behind a desk most days. I struggle with knowing if this is what God wants? Some days I feel like I am wasting away time… I miss the interaction with the children. I think I hear God speaking to me, but is it him or just my boredom wanting more? I’m just so nervous to make the wrong decision… Do I take the leap of faith and possibly not have a job lined up and quit the one I’m in or do I wait it out and stick with it? Obviously you can see I am really torn. But most mornings.. When I’m quiet and alone… I feel the push to go. To take that leap of faith. But then I get nervous.. Thinking about having to have that conversation with my current admin. God I pray that you lead my footsteps and that I would follow your will. Please God help me to follow you . Not to be turned away or swayed off track by an intimidating conversation . I need to turn my eyes to you God, and not what job I will have. You have an incredible plan and I need to be still.. Be patient.
I love Gods timing.. After writing that comment God showed me this in another book… “We give the enemy opportunity to trip us up again and again when we refuse to deal with our fears and insecurities. We miss out on the redemptive life when we shove our fears below the surface and put on a fake smile.” I hear you Lord.
Sara I love this so much I had to write it in my journal! What book is this from?
It is called “Your Beautiful Purpose” by Susie Larson … It’s great! I was so encouraged by the sample I read online that I bought the kindle version to start reading that day.
Prayers lifted for you dear Sara. I swear you were writing straight out of my heart this morning. I too am struggling with the changes in my workplace environment. I feel restless, unsettled, not content, disconnected…..I know I was led to my position 14 years ago….and I used to REALLY love it and was fed by it. But like you, the job shifted. I no longer get to really work with kids….no more preventative presentations, no more going to classrooms….no lunch with my co-workers (feeling very disconnected and unappreciated), no breaks….BUT I do know that God is using me to touch the lives of these kids…..I see anywhere from 60-100 kids/day in my nurse's office. That is an incredible number to triage, treat and document – no time to really dig in and work with them….but I LOVE my kiddos. I truly do. I am praying for understanding. For Him to lead me….for me to hear Him…..
“When I do ask God for forgiveness, it’s more a quick gasp of air to sustain me until the next time I feel guilty enough to swallow the reality of my sin.”
It has been hard for me to repent. I’ve realized that I assume I don’t need to as long as I feel okay. Then I end up repenting whenever I feel bad enough. How silly! My sin is a constant state. Yet, his grace has covered that condition so I may humbly and confidently approach the throne of grace.
“I begin to believe repentance is more about my guilt than being freed from it.”
I end up staying stuck in feeling bad enough about what I’ve done. As if that could save me. In the hymn Rock of Ages by Augustus Toplady we sing:
Not the labor of my hands
Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;
Could my zeal no respite know,
Could my tears forever flow,
All for sin could not atone;
Thou must save, and Thou alone.
In other words no matter how much I try I cannot make up for my sin. Thank God His son has already covered me!!
So good, so true! That hymn–leaving me beautifully broken. Thank you, Anna!
Amen Anna – the words of the hymn touch my heart today – thank you for sharing them.
Thank you for this message this morning. I identify with this so much.
It´s interesting, that Psalm 32:8 says "with my eye upon you" in your translation. This really sounds a bit controlling … In my German bible it says here: "I will lead you with my eyes." And in comparison with the stubborn mule which has to be curbed "with bit and bridle" this really sounds relieving to me. All I have to do is keep my eyes on the Lord. I´ll then notice his expression and know what he wants to tell me. It´s only when I keep turning away and follow my own path that he has to use some more "forceful" method to make me understand …
The Geneva Study Bible also reads, “…I will guide thee with mine eye.” This verse referring to David diligently leading God’s children in the way of salvation, according to the commentary. The psalm speaks of confession and repentance, but ends rejoicing in salvation! There is such comfort in knowing (v.10) “steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord”
"I will lead you with my eyes." There is so much love in that. Such grace. You can sense a father's emotions through his eyes. Many times, he never has to say a word; you know you are loved or you crossed the line just from a look. God is gentle with us like that. He does not yell (as I am prone to do). In a look, He can correct, gently rebuke, draw us to Him, and let us know we are loved. Thank you for sharing, Janne!
Janne, that is so neat! Thank you for sharing this. I love the imagery of God leading with His eyes!
xoxo-Kaitlin
This is me through and through. And I want to change. I need it to change. Change me Lord!
This morning Dearest Lord…I would like to say ..Thank you…
Thank you for this new day…with its new mercies, New graces, New beginnings…Thank you Lord God…for the Good night's sleep, for waking up and for your protection,…..I thank you Lord, that 'Your steadfast Love never ceases. And that your mercies never come to an end….'Thank you for this SRT community/family that challenges.. and encourages me, for the love here and the changes I know I have gone through, whilst these fine ladies have journeyed with me, whilst we have journeyed together….I thank you Lord God…that I can always find you…no matter where I may roam, or find myself….if I just, wholeheartedly, look to the Cross, thank you that you accept me, warts and all…that the Cross covers all my iniquity, my sin, my shame…Thank you Lord God, that whilst my eyes are on you…I have Hope…and as Kaitlin prayed…'You Lord, are well versed in the depths of my fears, …You don't just see me;, you see me through…Lord, may the comfort of Your gaze, push me to bold, unashamed expression of my need, every minute of everyday for you…
Lord, I pray the meditation of my heart, be acceptable to you…in Jesus name, I pray….Amen..x
Thankful for you all, Sister's…God bless and turn His face to shine on you this day whatever you are doing…with love..Tina XXX
Beautiful prayer Tina! I always pray for a good nights sleep but I never thank God for it! I needed the reminder❤️
And God, thank you for Tina. Thank you for the light she sheds for me, on each post. Her insight always helps bring home each devotion. -Amen Tina, every morning I look for your comments. They truly drive home the devotions for me. I pray just about every prayer with you.
Echoing your thoughts and words Brittney!! Amen!
Tina, you are a beautiful reflection of His light to this community! Your prayer is so full of goodness and wholehearted love. It warmed my heart and encouraged me to start my day with gratitude. I hope you have a glorious, grace-filled day, sweet Tina!
I love the observation that we can make repentance the main thing, when the main thing is to be freed from our sin. Lent is a long season to just feel sorry, if sorry is all there is.
You nailed it too, Angie! "It's a long season to just feel sorry, if sorry is all there is." Thank God it's NOT all there is….repentance brings freedom and forgiveness. Praise God! ♥
Love that Angie! “Lent is a long season to just feel sorry, if sorry is all there is”
Relate to this immensely — please God, set a fire to my soul
Amen! Beautiful.
Thank you. This spoke to my soul today.
Oh so timely!! I gave up Facebook and Instagram for Lent. I’ve been struggling lately because my husband spends a lot of time on FB and so does my grown son who no longer lives at home. I keep hearing from friends and other family about things they discuss on Facebook that I’m missing out on because I’m not logged on. I mentioned to a friend tonight that maybe I should get back on Facebook just so I can know what’s going on with my family. She didn’t agree, reminded me of the vow I’d made to God…and…I got my feelings hurt. It’s honestly not that I care about “being seen” or “liked” on social media as much as I just want to feel like I’m being kept “in the loop” where my family is concerned since they seem to find it easier to share online than in person. But I got quiet and sensed God asking me to draw near to Him and get His perspective. I opened my SRT app and read Psalm 32:8. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” It just felt like God saying “You may feel “out of the loop” but I see you. And I’ll let you know what you need to know.” :) Thank You, God. You are faithful to me.
You are missed on instagram!
Aw thank you!
So glad to hear from you! You are missed! Your writings and heart always touch mine! Amy, you are a wonderful messenger of faith!
Thank you Libby. What an encourager you are!
I gave up TV, which is some entertainment for me but more so the news and weather. I feel out of the loop in these terms, but especially in the weather, The Lord is my instructor, my guide in Him I trust, and not the Media. He has me in His loop!
Amen!
Hang in there sister. Sacrifice isn't easy or comfortable, but I think if we allow it, it can deepen our fellowship with the Father. I'm just trying to keep my mind focused on the sacrifice He made for me when I miss my coffee, which is what I have given up this season. Praying for you, for all of us, that we will continue to follow his leading this season and always! I think there is something He wants us to hear right now and removing certain distractions makes for better communication sometimes.
I agree!
But what a great opportunity to intentionally connect to family and friends! – face to face, ear to ear, etc. Maybe when you are hankering to get on social media, you could instead call or visit or email or text someone directly. Or simply to pray for your family or whomever you were thinking of on social media. I think it opens a door to give of yourself to your family in a more meaningful way. God can use our (spare) time for good when we let Him.
Definitely. What’s hard is that the ones in my life I’m most feeling the need to connect with are living on social media. Sharing their hearts THERE instead of face to face. I like the idea of saying a prayer for those loved ones when I’m feeling emotionally disconnected. Thank you :)
Did you know the 40 days of Lent don't include Sundays? Sundays are a Sabboth rest from the sacrifices of Lent.
Hmmm…I forgot about that.
Amy, it is so ironic that you posted here this morning. I was just thinking about you a few posts up as I was remembering what I wrote in the SRT survey about having a real life meet up with SRT ladies. Your Instagram posts always encourage me and I love your videos. I hope we can meet some day. Stay true to your Lenten vow. FB doesn’t need you but we do. :).
Thank you SRT for your presence in my life. I wouldn’t want to do mornings without you.
Ah thank you Saundra. You are so kind.
I understand what you mean! My 2 sisters and I gave up social media for lent and it's harder than I thought. I'm 18 and in college and everybody is always checking their social media. I realized how obsessed I was with my phone!! It is definitely a great thing to give up to spend more time with God :) Keep it up!!
Yes, agree! Thanks Leah :)
I am so proud of you for turning to God when it would have been so much easier to log into FB. You are fearfully and wonderfully made in or out of the "loop". Way to go girl! I too am abstaining from FB and it has been the most freeing time for me. I was finding that I was having so much anxiety, having to be connected to so many people, always having to know what was going on. A huge weight has been lifted. My true friends and my family will keep me updated on their lives face to face and not behind a screen. I really have to question whether I really need to know what's really going on with everyone else. My intention is to not go back to my "old way" and deactivate my account. I pray for you in the next coming weeks as Lent comes to end and for the decision God may have for you. God Bless you.
Thanks for the encouragement!
LOVE this, Amy! Thanks for sharing, friend!
xoxo-Kaitlin
I've fasted from FB and Insta a few times and everytime after I finish my fast, I am so reluctant to go back on both sites. It's hard at first, but by the end, I feel so free, free of not caring what others are doing every second of the day, and free of not caring so much of what others think of me. My friends would talk about the pictures they post and I would have no clue, but really, it was so much better talking about this life in person with them than seeing it through a computer screen. I grew to love now going on both of the sites, especially FB and even still, I shy away from FB because it keeps me so tangled up in caring what others think and also my judge-mentality towards my FB friends or people online in general. It gets easier as time goes on and the most you sink into God, the more you realize, he really is the only portion you need and you feel more worthy, and loved and wanted than you have ever felt before, and much much more than any social media site will falsely tell you trough likes and hearts and comments.
Amen!! <3
It is sad that our culture is more comfortable with impersonal social media than face to face conversations. There is such a warmth when you can hear another's voice when they are talking to you. To hear the inflections in their voice and see the expressions on their face. Body language is a language all its own and how sweet it is when we can reach out and touch them in a tender moment or rib-tickling reflex. Social Media has become a way of life where we can hide behind a screen or with a wall between us, why is that easier? Maybe "I will counsel you with my eye upon you" is God reminding us of that warm, fuzzy personal communication that we not only need from God, but from each other. Hang in there, giving up something that you crave every day to devote that part of your life back to God will be a sweet reminder, each time you get the urge to check your e-mail or FaceBook, how much you need the Father.
Love everything you shared and totally agree! Thank you :)
I also gave up social media for lent and it's tough for sure:) I am so glad I read your post because Psalm 32:8 just spoke to me now. My kids play sports and miss every Wednesday night youth group because of it. I have been getting a lot of heat about it lately especially because I was running it just a year ago while our church was between pastors. I hate that they miss but feel more guilt than conviction. I pray heavily on this topic and that Psalm spoke volumes. I think God has actually kept us away to ease the transition for the youth as well as me and my kids. I just love the reminder that He has his eye upon me…thanks!
I love that! Thanks for sharing :)
I just wanted to say "thank you" that you were ever on Instagram! It was from you that I learned about SRT and it has blessed my socks off. I'm sure I'm not alone. I don't follow you on FB, but I do know that your IG is filled with God's truth, His love and your humbleness.
While I enjoy looking at pictures of horses, farm life and the way homes are decorated, you focus on what is really important, embodying this quote from Beth Moore. "A giant step in the walk of faith is the one we take when we decide God no longer is a part of our lives. He is our life."
Thank you for being a women of God…who influences women, like me, whom you don't even know.
~Robin
Woman…drat….
A much needed devotional to read! It is both so comforting yet so convicting to truly know within the depths of my heart that the Lord sees me & watches over me! This is another reminder to me of how holy & good He is and with just that, I can’t even compare. I am beyond grateful that He wants me just as I am.