My husband dropped to his knees on our living room carpet and cried out, “Why, Andy? Why?” His brother ended his life after battling depression, and the grief struck with crippling weight. My husband stayed on the floor, his head swaying back and forth from the ground to the ceiling—and wailed.
I imagine this kind of debilitating grief as Mary Magdalene cried at the tomb, dropping to her knees, sobbing, “Where? Where?” She came to visit the remains of the miracle-worker who delivered her from seven demons (Luke 8:1–3). All she found was the stone rolled away, His body missing (John 20:1–3). The religious leaders killed the good Teacher and now someone stole His body from the tomb (John 19:1–42)?
Grief sometimes veils what’s right in front of us. When my mom died, I missed simple details like putting the milk in the fridge instead of the cupboard—and big details like paying rent. So, I cannot judge Mary Magdalene for jumping to conclusions when she saw the opened grave (John 20:1), looked into the tomb (v.11), talked with the angels (v.13), even when she asked Jesus for the body, mistaking him for the gardener (v.15). Maybe the veil of grief blinded her from recognizing the power of the gospel right in front of her eyes.
But her heart sought the Lord. She stayed and wept. She walked closer and looked. And Jesus met her right there.
I relate to Mary Magdalene. I find myself on my knees these days, grieving painful and uncertain challenges raising a rebellious child. I cry private tears, seeking the Lord. I know there are answers—probably right in front of me—but all I can see sometimes is empty space.
Jesus saw Mary behind her veil of grief. He spoke Mary’s name, and immediately her shroud of blindness lifted. She beheld the Holy One who would not undergo decay (Acts 2:24–32) and burst into exuberant joy, “Rabboni!” (John 20:16).
She wanted to stay with Him, but He told her to proclaim His resurrection and soon ascension, so she went to the disciples and announced, “I have seen the Lord!” (v.18). Then the Lord from Daniel’s vision (Daniel 10:5–6) appeared to them face-to-face (John 20:19–23). Even Doubting Thomas believed after he saw and touched Jesus for himself (vv.24–29).
Seeing the Lord changed everything for Mary, for the disciples. But sometimes we have a hard time believing without seeing. Life cripples us with all kinds of grief—and we weep as with veiled faces.
But God sees us behind our veils of grief like He saw Mary. He whispers to us through the Word (v.31) and calls us to faith (v.29). We are not alone. He is “God is with us” (Matthew 1:23, John 14:15–31).
If Mary never saw Jesus.. then there’s a good chance we would not be talking about Him now! The disciples might have given up believing.. but Mary was there! I just think it’s amazing how our God puts us in the right place in the right time!
But yes, God does know our suffering. I cannot speak for anyone else, but when I was in college I went through a very rough “God doesn’t love me” phase and would sometimes self harm before and after bible study meetings I had with my Intervarsity Christian Fellowship group. It was during a time where I didn’t believe in spiritual rebirths like I do now. I was so scared of going to sleep at night sometimes then because I thought I would die and God would tell me He doesnt love me anymore. There was a couple times where I even said to Jesus “You don’t love me” but… now… I totally understand why that suffering that I went through was in a way- a good thing. This suffering allowed me to open my heart to Jesus more. And now, I am so happy. Now my heart is on fire for Him and I look for every chance I can get to make myself totally His. All of this is to say that God is so much closer than we think He is. I love Him so much.
“His body was like chrysolite, his face had the brilliance of lighting, his eyes were like blazing torches, and the sound of his words was like the noise of a crowd.”
Our Lord is so beautiful. I’m so glad that we can serve Him.
I know what Seana is talking about when she refers to raising a rebellious child. After George’s, my older son, death Andrew became rebellious. He strayed from the church and started to stray from me but thanks to my dad and my former sister-in-law and brother-in-law (my ex-husband’s sister and husband) Andrew realized mom was okay. Yes he got in trouble with the law but nothing Grandpa and Aunt Trish and Uncle Larry couldn’t help him through.
I’m thankful these days that this same child of mine, now a fine young man, has found a wonderful, God-fearing woman to share his life with.
Through all the many ups and downs God has sent me, I have been blessed and I know it. My son has turned his life around and is starting to come back to the Lord.
Praise the God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit for all the blessings and sadness. We learn from everything that happens in our life.
Sisters be blessed and PRAISE GOD, CHRIST AND THE HOLY SPIRIT!!
Thank you all for your uplifting comments. I highly recommend popping over to HRT to read that devotional by Alex Florez. I felt like it was written just for me.
Hugs & love to all y’all. Praying as I go through the comments.
I love love ❤️ that God chose Mary to share the good news. Thank you Father.
Thank you all for sharing your stories. I have lifted your requests you’ve made know, and those you haven’t, to the Lord. Just like He heard Mary at the tomb, he hears us. Glory!
Seana Scott – thank you for this beautiful devotion. I will be praying for you as a mother and for your child. I’m in the thick of teen years in my home and this has been the hardest parenting stage. Jesus, we just want our children to follow you.
I am feeling the same way, I feel like at times why would God Love me so much, when I screw up so much,and keep coming back. My hear is heavy.
I am feeling the same way, I feel like at times why would God Love me so much, when I screw up so much,and keep coming back. My hear is heavy.