Editor’s Note: Some passages in Scripture deal in subject matter which might be especially painful for some readers. Though many of the wounds we receive in this life are deeply personal and unimaginably painful, when they appear in God’s Word, we are reminded that He sees them. Whenever sin is addressed in Scripture—whether through teaching or story—it comes to us in the context of God’s unwavering commitment to bring an end to all evil in this world through the finished work of Christ (Revelation 21:3-4). We are praying for and with you as you read.
There are certain stories in Scripture that cause me to blink back tears every time I read them—Abraham leading Isaac up the mountain for sacrifice, Jesus begging God to take the cup from Him in the garden of Gethsemane, and Peter’s denial of Jesus, just to name a few.
Tamar’s story causes me to both blink back tears and shake with anger. It’s a difficult story to stomach, and I get more queasy with every verse I read. It brings up memories I’d rather forget and questions of God’s justice that I’d rather not ask: How could God allow something like this to happen to Tamar? She was just an innocent girl. She didn’t deserve this injustice. She didn’t ask for this.
These are the same sort of questions I ask myself every time another #MeToo story breaks on the news. They are the same questions I ask every time I hear another one of my friends tell a story from a time in their life when someone went a little too far, when an unforeseeable circumstance brought about unbearable pain and trauma.
Tamar’s story is not one that you hear preached about on Sunday mornings. It’s not suitable for young ears, and for some, it’s definitely triggering. If the Bible were a movie, Tamar’s story would push it to receive an R rating. But the same thing that’s true of all the stories women and men have brought into light over the last couple of years is also true here: they all have value, and we need to hear them. Tamar’s story is important because God saw fit to include it in His Word.
Tamar’s story allows survivors of sexual assault to see themselves in Scripture. It helps them see that they are not alone—that they, like Tamar, did not deserve this injustice. And because we know God’s character, we know that when we cry out morning, noon, and night—when we tear our clothes with grief like Tamar—He hears us (Psalm 55:17). He sees us. He meets us in the midst of our distress, and reminds us that we are His. He promises He will “not leave the guilty unpunished” (Exodus 34:6–7), that He will “[execute] justice for the exploited” (Psalm 146:6–7).
So although Tamar’s story is so painful we’d often rather forget it happened, we would do well to see her in her pain and recognize that God is still at work. He is still at the center of her story, and He remains at the center of ours as well.
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36 thoughts on "Tamar"
True sexual violence like Tamar’s is abhorrent.
But Please remember there are many women who lie about things that happen. I know it is inconceivable to think, but it is proven and I know from personal experience. Not all women tell the truth. Be careful painting men with a broad brush stroke, there are sinful women as well! As a society we cannot blindly believe anything and everything that anyone claims, unfortunately. The worst is the lying accuser, as they hurt the real victims more than anyone. Just food for thought from a side no one wants to acknowledge.
Your comment grieves me. It’s out of place. The percentage of false allegations is extremely low.
Something for you to consider as well- there are countless women (and men) who are victims and never tell anyone. Largely because of the unfortunate reality that many will not believe them (or, even worse, will blame them).
I think Always Truth’s point is valid, but maybe not here. If we are to believe the Bible and all its stories to be true, then we know that Tamar was not falsely accusing Amnon. But do remember that Joseph was falsely accused of rape by Pharoah’s wife. In the context of this story, though, I think we are to think more about Tamar and her cry out to the Lord and the men who were involved rather than any false accusations.
Why would you feel the need to make this comment? It’s extremely defensive and unwarranted. No one is accusing men in general of anything. It’s not helpful to derail conversations about women’s experiences of sexual violence like this. Women deserve a space to discuss this issue.
Although I haven’t been sexually assaulted, I have known the feeling of feeling like I’m the one something terrible is happening to and like Tamar, I’m left in an unresolved, sucks-to-be-you kind of circumstance when everyone else’s story just moved right along. It’s painful. It’s isolating. But you can get stuck in a victim mentality long after you are a victim and in that way, you are holding your own self hostage because you haven’t figured out how to walk out of the cage. Lord, teach us and teach ME how to walk out of a victim mentality (even when we have every right to embrace being a victim) and help us to embrace freedom living instead. I’m talking about freedom thoughts, freedom self-talk, freedom actions, and freedom feelings (like gratitude over resentment). This life can be so messy but we are the freed people so let’s sign our heels down deep into that, even when no one is looking to applaud us on the sidelines.
Where are the men of integrity in this account? Not Amnon. Not Jonadab. Not Absalom. Not David.
Amnon lusts.
Jonadab plots.
Absalom excuses.
David, Tamar’s father, does nothing.
Tamar is an innocent victim who lives a desolate life amongst the very men who will not stand up and support her.
It is heartbreaking. And it is a mess. Amnon is despicable in his lust. Jonadab is a weasel, lurking behind the scenes, enticing Amnon to act on his lust. (Perhaps Jonadab is more like a snake – satanic in his suggestion). Absalom is disappointing in his reprimand of Tamar. David is complicit in his silence and failure to discipline his son. They are not men of integrity and there is a far reaching price that will be paid.
Two years later Absalom (not David) takes action by killing Amnon and all of Israel is affected. It is not a good future that lies in the aftermath. The whole situation looks hopeless.
To whom are we to turn when life is unfair? To whom are we to turn when our innocence is violently taken from us? To whom are we to turn when justice is denied? To whom are we to turn when we feel a part of us has been destroyed? To whom are we to turn when the future is desolate?
God.
He sees. He cares. He will avenge. He tells us our value in His eyes is unchanged. We remain His beloved. He will walk us through this dark valley. We must turn to Him. He is not put off by our sobbing, by our raging. He draws close.
God also sees the perpetrators, the accomplices. He sees those who could do something who choose to do nothing. God will deal with them.
Let us pray that we look into our hearts and see where integrity is lacking. Let us repent of inaction and silence. Let us be moved to compassion and care for those who are unjustly suffering from any of it. Let us cry out to God to right the wrongs. Let us be better and do better. Let us hold each other accountable. Let us speak the truth in love. We are sons and daughters of the most high God. We are made in His image. Let’s act like it.
Amen
“We are made in His image. Let’s act like it.” I love this. It’s a real call toward the entire church to live out holiness and justice, to not tolerate sin and oppression. Because even though it’s hard to see, and we cry out “How long Lord???”, He does not and will not tolerate it either. Amen.
Thank you for your insights!
That the story of Tamar ends here always hurts. The narrative moves on to David’s lack of action and Absalom’s bitterness at his father’s lack of concern, leading him to murder Ammon. But what about Tamar? Did she find the Lord? Did she find comfort in her God, like her father did? I wish I had the answers to these questions. But maybe it’s open-ended on purpose. When we experience incredible, horrible, despicable trauma like Tamar, and are left desolate and alone, how will we respond? He is seeking us. He has open arms. He loves us. He will give us truth. We can go to Him with all of our burdens – for He will never permit the righteous to be moved.
So many incredibly hurt by this ttype of sin. Including my daughter. May God send His mercy on the victims and wrap them up in His love, comfort and strength. Thank you for sharing Kristen, He is faithful to us and meets us in our pain and broken places. Praying for all who read this and have been hurt like Tomar. May you feel the Everlasting Arms of our Lord around you.
“Ammon had a friend whose name was Jonadab” – we got to be careful who we call friends, who our children call friends. To flip it around, . We have to be grateful to the people in our lives who would tell us the truth and not lead as astray.
As Tamar rightly said, sexual violation brings shame on the victim but the perpetrator is a ” fool” ( not my words” .
The way she was treated afterwards, thrown out like a piece of nothing, seems to mirror how victims are usually treated today. People are normally abused by people they know and trust, close family members as in Tamar case. So we got to believe victims when they say.
I was shocked the first time I ever saw this in Scripture but it got to show scripture is still relevant.
Also, I’m reminded that Jesus came from this family. Hmmm, redemption is still possible no matter the case.
Got me angry and upset all at once after reading unlike all the other times I’ve read it but I truly believe it is necessary for everyone to be able to see themselves or their situation in scripture . God has so strategically placed everything in his word for a purpose . I hope and pray that all survivors of sexual abuse are brought to the peace and loving arms of Christ Jesus through salvation . Amen
I mentioned this before. My daughter was molested by her step grandfather. She was only 5 when she told me. It was Mother’s Day in 2002. I was going to get ready for church when she told me in her young words. I was a mess. As time went on, she told me that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit came to her in a dream and told her to tell me. She said that she went to bed one way, but woke up a different way! She also said that when her teenage friends were doubting the faith, she kneecap God was real, because of the dream. She told her testimony of forgiveness to her youth group and on missions trips. She told the women in the drug rehab in Mexico too. One woman from church told me that she remembered about her grandfather. She said if Breanna could get through she could too. ( I can’t remember her exact words.) However, God used Breanna that day and in so many other ways. Praying for total healing and freedom, and any other need for all that have been through any of this in Jesus’ Name Amen
Wow Kristen. Thank you for sharing that painful, beautiful testimony. God is so good. So faithful.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful, stunning testimony. Wow! I’m so blown away by how God uses our stories to bring hope in the midst of darkness.