Text: Colossians 1:17, Philippians 1:6
Today, we get to share something a little different. And yet, it’s not really different at all.
We’re still talking about Truth – but specifically today as it applies to womanhood and motherhood.
We know that only about half of our community is mothers, but that we are all daughters, all wrestling our way into making sense of our womanhood and whether or not we are called to be mothers.
And we know we all matter to God.
Today, we want to share our friend Lisa-Jo Baker with you. “She was eighteen and growing up in South Africa when her mom died, and she swore she would never have kids. But then she fell in love with an American boy with cowboy-green eyes, married him, and now, a decade and two continents later, they have three.”
That’s the first bit off the back of her book jacket. Don’t you already want to know more about Lisa-Jo?
We’ll start with a video that is worth watching three times through and then forwarding to at least five women who came to mind while you were watching – because they will come to mind.
Then we’ll ask Lisa-Jo just one question. Because – what a privilege to get to ask the author of “Surprised by Motherhood” a question!
And then we’ll set you free – if the video and Lisa-Jo’s words haven’t already! – to go about your days, walking just a little bit taller, in a fresh coat of grace and maple syrup.
Did you watch it twice? Be honest, did you cry in public?
If the video buoyed you in your calling, may we recommend her new book that releases today? Inside the beautiful, watercolored cover are 215 pages of soul-bearing, grace-giving, true life. A beautiful story told by a remarkable writer.
And now, my question:
Lisa-Jo, I think chapter 4 might be my favorite. So many emotions – from your description of capital-C Church, to hearing the news that your mother’s cancer was advancing. I ached for you as so many people who should have simply loved you well, delivered messages of shame instead. And I understood as you dug in your heels in response to your circumstances and declared that you’d never submit to the cliche of motherhood. But most of all, that last paragraph on page 43 – when the stranger at your new church in Boston spoke the TRUTH to you that so many women need desperately to hear:
“I think God wants you to know it doesn’t matter to Him.
God wants you to know that whether you ever have children or not, He loves you for you.
And what He wants most is for you to love Him back.”
This freed my heart too, friend. As a mama who wanted many many children, but whose eight pregnancies only yielded two living children and a whisper of failure, I needed to hear that too.
Heh. That wasn’t a question, was it? Let’s try this again…
Raechel: Lisa-Jo, the SheReadsTruth community is about 50/50 when it comes to having children of their own. If you could sit them all down in a room, hold their faces in your hands and speak one truth to them about Biblical womanhood, what would it be?
Lisa-Jo: The truth is, we all mother in one way or another – either our own children or the kids we teach or the teens we mentor or the babies we’ve carried but never held in our arms. We mother the women we love on when they’re burned out, wrung out, tired out – we mother them with the words we offer into the Internet, their homes, and lives. We all mother in one way or another.
But it took me a long time to find that truth. I was the girl whose mom died a week after she turned 18, the girl who swore off motherhood, the girl who believed her story had to be bigger than just being someone’s mother.
Today I’m the woman who believes that God doesn’t ask us to trade who we are for the label of “Mom.” Rather, he builds all the courage and calling of a lifetime into a story line big enough and rich enough to encompass kids, passion, work, creativity, and dreams that don’t end in the labor and delivery ward.
I’m also the girl who believes that Jesus saved the best till last when I finally became a mother.
But I’m just as convinced He would have loved me the same whether I ever had kids or not. It’s right there on the front dedication page of the book.
This is my broken, backwards journey from losing a mother toward becoming one. And discovering that Jesus loves you for who He made you to be and not for who you might one day produce.
Beautiful, broken, stained-glass-pieced-back-
Because He looks deep into your wash and rinse and repeat routine whatever it holds – kids and play dates or long commutes and cubicles, laundry and dishes, crayon masterpieces and late nights with friends, holding out for hope, for a raise, for love, holding on to faith and friends and fellowship, juggling your commitments, your time, your kids’ sports and your mind, and He says, “that. is. mine.”
In Him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17.
Your past and your future and most especially your today.
Mother or daughter, in Him we are already complete because He completes all things. Of this I am sure — “that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6.
You are a mighty community of life-givers and change-makers. Thank you for inviting me to share. I could not be more honored to sit with you today.
much love from one weary, scatter-brained mama to so many others,
Lisa-Jo
“Surprised By Motherhood”
- A generous gift, Lisa-Jo is making available the first three chapters of Surprised By Motherhood to our community for free. (Thank you, friend!)
- Surprised by Motherhood releases TODAY! You can get it here.
This book makes me want to send surprise copies to some of the mothers and non-mothers in my real life who I know need to hear these words – over and over and over.
Consider loving the mothers in your life well by sending them a copy with a little note?
And please treat yourself to a copy as well.
And sisters – rub it in – let it really soak into your soul today:
God wants you to know that whether you ever have children or not, He loves you for you.
And what He wants most is for you to love Him back.
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68 thoughts on "surprised by motherhood"
Nice post ! After read this article, i can't wait for this book. I will be order today . Thank you so much for sharing this book .
Nice post, I totally agree with you, it really only once per week to blog writing is better to get an article published in-depth and just write every day than the informative posts.
happy mothers day
I can't wait to read this book…. it mirrors our story/ journey perfectly. God's grace amazes me! Thanks for sharing :-) http://www.OnLoanFromHeaven.com
Wow, this spoke to me in so many ways I don't even know where to begin. I'm not a mother yet, but I do have a niece which my mother and I have raised since before she was one, I must say I can relate to many of the things discussed in the video. Our bond exceeds a niece and aunt relationship and I must say I enjoy every part of it. We argue and fight but at the end of the day we forgive and forget just like a daughter and a mother would.
At the same time I have been blessed with the opportunity to be the youth leader in my church. At any opportunity give I find myself mothering both the girls and the boys in the youth group. Before reading this post I always thought that in order to be a mother one had to physically be a mother to a child of their own, but this post clearly breaks all boundaries and teaches us that we were mistaken.
I have been married now for two years, and we recently decided to try to have a baby. We have been trying for a few months with no success and at times fear enters my heart. The many questions that go through our minds when trying to conceive right? but in my case my number one question is, God are you punishing me for having had an abortion at the age of 20? I must confess at times my terrible decisions of the past comes back to haunt me, and I end up beating myself up for having made such an insensitive decision. But today God spoke to me and he told me “my daughter you are not broken you are enough” and even if I give you a child or your own or not “I will love you for you for who you are and all I want is for you to love me back”. God's will is perfect and his plan for my life is perfect. Therefore, whether God blesses me with a child of my or not in his eyes I'm still complete and can continue enjoying my motherhood through my youth group and my niece.
God bless you and thanks for this post.
teary – eyed, such amazing words to empower mothers…this is totally for my Mom, my sis and my grandmas…
"Beautiful, broken, stained-glass-pieced-back-together you. A masterpiece. In Him, you are enough."
Oh, my tears today. This brings to mind Psalm 27:10 – "Even if my father and mother abandon me, The Lord will hold me close." – NLT
I have struggled my entire adult life with searching for validation from my earthly relationships. I found this scripture after a particularly bad time with my mother (again) and this gave me the freedom I needed finally to Let. Her. Go. For good.
My focus is on Him. My husband and children are earthly, and while they are wonderful gifts, they are from Him, and He is my focus.
To those that have lost your mothers, whether physically or spiritually, I grieve alongside you. To those who have held your babes in your wombs, but not your arms, I embrace you tightly and lift you up in love.
Amen! my niece was also abandoned by her mother at an early age, and I can hear her pain through your comment. May God bless you and continue filling in those empty spots in your heart, because at the end of the day all we need is him. God our father, our savior, our everything!
Wow. I don't have children yet, but the video was touching nonetheless. Then, reading the book chapters was so moving. I love how whether you are a mother or not, have a mother or don't, you can connect with Lisa-Jo's storytelling. I will definitely be purchasing this one. Thanks, Lisa-Jo, for your message and shared love.
So many mothers and mothering moments come to mind, here, but one sticks out vividly.
This past summer, I was a nanny for one little girl, age 3. Her mom had to leave early in the morning, and as I showed up, her mom would slip out as quietly as possible, or she'd have a fit of separation anxiety. Most days, her mom wouldn't slip out well, and the little girl would scream and cry "Mama! I need you!" as I held her back. She'd cry for up to 15 minutes after her mom left, relaying "Mama, I need you" over and over again– over time, the screams would turn into bleary whispers, just as honest. She'd fight me at first, but then turn to me, and I'd pick her up, cuddling her on the couch to comfort her crying. Holding her in my arms, feeling her tears cover me, and comforting her screams with steady words, I saw how honestly profound her need was for her mother; it echoed my own heart's cry to God in a way I had always been "too strong" to let myself express. Feeling the weight of many fresh, deep heartbreaks that happened to me all at once this last May and June, there were times I cried with her, both in empathy for her pain and in acceptance of my own brokenness, crying out to God after so many months of avoiding honesty with Him.
Those moments are still vivid in my mind, bringing tears to my eyes. God set me free from the bondage of "being strong" that I had known for a long time: He let me know that it was okay to be as bleary-eyed, raw and desperate with Him. That it was okay to cry out "Abba, I need you." I'll never forget the sweet, profound moments of mothering and mentoring the Lord has allowed me to have through nannying and tutoring. Lord, thank you for showing me so much of yourself through your children.
Wow, thanks for pooring out your heart to us. May God continue using you in these children's lifes and may he continue to teach you throught them as well.
I so appreciate this today. My life has become a little overwhelming and every day I’m feeling like I’m in a hamster wheel. I love mothering my children, they are such lights, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Trying really hard to find time for me and encourage me, so that I can show them through my healthy love of self, that they are special too! I don’t want for one moment in their life, the three to doubt that they are loved and more valuable than many sparrows and it starts with me. This word and video just helps further encourage that for me! Thank you!!!!!
Loved the interview and video! Went to pick up the book and I’m already in chapter 5. :) Thanks for the recommendation!!
I've never left a comment on SRT before. In fact, I made an account JUST so I could comment today. This post hit me right where I needed it today. Your words meant so much to me and gave me the pep i needed to get out of my funk and rejoice in mothering my son. I cannot wait to get your book and dive right in! You speak so much truth and it's so appreciated. You are such a blessing. Thank you!!!!
Dear vbutcher, so are you….to your son and all around…..bless you …..x x
I appreciate your kind words so much! :D
Friend, thank you so much for leaving a note! I am so glad Lisa-Jo's book was an encouragement to you today. xoxo-Raechel
Thank you for all you so for SRT! It's been such a blessing to me the past year :)
I don't understand why women who are mothers seem to need so much validation or why entire books need to be written glorifying the role of mother. We live in a day and age that makes mothering and care giving about 100 times easier than in the past, but it seems like mothers these days need to make such a big fuss about how important and hard their jobs are. It just seems really self indulgent to me. I just feel like of all the people in the whole world who need a pat on the back, middle class American women who are mothers probably are pretty low on that list.
Hi Phyllis. I appreciate your honesty, and I'd love to gently offer my perspective on why the work of Lisa-Jo and so many others who encourage mamas is so needed. Motherhood can be a very isolating place. The constant pouring out of oneself for others can be physically/mentally/spiritually exhausting, yes, but it also redefines every area of a woman's life. In a beautiful way! But not necessarily in an easy way. I think Lisa-Jo's words are meant less to give a vain pat on the back than to bolster a huge demographic of women who struggle – often silently – to "keep it together" while giving themselves fully to this life calling of motherhood. Sure, in a world of poverty, war and disease, another rough day as a mama to little humans seems much smaller on the scale of significance, but the truth is that God cares deeply for our hearts and Truth is for every part of life, not just the Biggest Things. As a mom who has struggled intensely with anxiety, I am so grateful for voices of other women who understand my world, small as it may seem, and reorient me to Hope and Truth in the parts of my everyday. {Thanks for reading. xo}
Amanda, your candor here is so relatable and appreciated. I too struggle a lot with anxiety, and knowing that (even as a mother) God is continually working in you when it comes to anxiety and whatever else you may face is deeply encouraging. I love you, dear sister! Take heart. God is using your gentle, humble spirit to edify and uplift so many women! be blessed. xo
Phyllis, I completely see where you're coming from. I'm not a mother, and so it's hard for me to truly grasp what mothers feel, as it naturally should. It can be easy to look at other situations and feel that this encouragement is not very justified. But although I am not a mother, I am a deeply flawed human being with a real, hard-to-deal with life at times. Hearing Amanda's genuine insight on how motherhood feels, her feeling of silently needing to "keep it together" resonates with me, as I think it does with everyone, mother or not. For that reason, I feel this book is very encouraging for anyone who reads it, in that it lets readers know that a messy, tumultuous human life– and the depth and real complexity of being a human, no matter the location or demographic– does not stop at motherhood, nor does it stop when any other idealized label is applied. That truth is refreshing and freeing no matter who you are, and I think it does pat all people on the back in that way, though the truth is expressed through motherhood. Be blessed with the love of Christ, dear sister.
Thank you for today’s post. I needed it. My book has been ordered. I can’t wait to read it, come on Friday!
I cried on the bus on my way to work. This made my day! I’m a single mom and this encouraged my soul! Thank you for sharing this.
I was really disappointed in this video due to the extreme lack of a father figure in the children’s life and as a supporter of the Mom. Whether it had been a Dad, Grandpa, Friend, or church member it is so important to put emphasis on a male role model in children’s life.
Amy, you are right, a male role model is incredibly important but for some families that is not their reality. My dad left my mom and I when I was 5 when he chose drugs and other women over us. My mom did an incredible job playing both parents to me and I don't believe I am lacking anything because of it. I had my heavenly father as my role model!
This video and book seem to be focused on the role of a mother. As a kid who came from a single parent home, it was refreshing that not every family in the video had a mom, a dad, 2.5 kids and a dog. :)
I kinda needed these words right here… "Rather, he builds all the courage and calling of a lifetime into a story line big enough and rich enough to encompass kids, passion, work, creativity, and dreams that don’t end in the labor and delivery ward."
looking forward to see how He continues to work in my story to encompass all those things! Thank you so much, Lisa-Jo for your constant encouragement! Can't wait to read the book!!
Simply beautiful. As a single woman watching others have children I feel an ache in my heart at times because I have not had children of my own. Yes I have raised others children and I continually mentor, but I have to admit there is still a longing. Thank you for these words. I am excited about this book and getting it as gifts for myself and other special women in my life.
I agree with you…. I too am a woman with no husband or boyfriend and of course no kids but want them soooo badly….. I am a toddler teacher and work with children 3 months to four years old and hold, feed, sing, dry eyes, change diapers, play, rock to sleep, etc. all day long and (spme more then others) yearn to be a 'real mom….' But the words Lisa Jo shared today helps me…… I may not have children of my own but My God loves who I am and He loves you too……..
LOVE this. Definitely stirred me, and am headed over to snatched the book as we speak! Thank you.
Amazing.
“I think God wants you to know it doesn’t matter to Him.
God wants you to know that whether you ever have children or not, He loves you for you.
And what He wants most is for you to love Him back.”
— This got me in tears today. I'm a wife who held a life in my womb once, but never got the chance to hold him/her in my arms… after a year and a half of that loss, i'm still waiting… praying… and surrendering to God's will in the area of being a mom… Meanwhile, He has given me a group of single-ladies to mother, to love, to invest my life to, to lead to Him… whether or not He plans for me to be a biological mother or not, I am complete in HIM… and He loves me… <3
Thank you so much for sharing today Lisa-Jo! Hope to find a copy of your book here in the Philippines! :)
Misce, He so truly does love you….you are His, why would He not love you, you beautiful woman of God…..x x x with love sister,….x x.
Wonderful sisters of truth , each day I read truth , I find fulfilment and being a mum is a roller costa . Philippians 1- 6 sums it all . Thanks so much . Love u babes.
I miss my daughter every day since she left this world to go home.to the Lord…..I still ache, tears…., I've shed enough and still do, to make an ocean, I still wish, I still dream, my dreams and hers…..
I liked the video, I did Watch it twice, through tears….., what I wanted to say was, you are right, such TRUTH….I felt lost, broken, incomplete when julee died, I felt I was being punished, and I wore that tee shirt every day…..I struggled with birthdays, Christmases, Easter, any celebrations basically, because I believed I could not to be happy or to celebrate because my life was incomplete…..part of me was missing how could I ?
'He who has began a good work……' For 9 years, I have not celebrated my birthday…..it's another day, I actually didn't know how to celebrate….. until this last birthday…. my daughter's beautiful friends are still in touch, amazing in itself, but to cut a long story short……I had 10 of her friends with their children and 2 came with their mothers as well…..with presents, flowers, love…..I realised in that moment that God was there…He was telling me .I had mourned enough, I had shut down enough, I had punished myself enough…..I had walk that walk enough….I was being set free…it was ok….God knew it could only take my daughter's friends to do that, because in my self imposed prison, I was 'closed' because I had no daughter to celebrate with…..
'Will bring it to completion……' what I also realised was the although my daughter was with the Lord, here on earth she had left me her friends, most, to whom I am a second mother……they were now my daughter's, not to take her place, but to walk alongside me, and I them, because we share a common love, the beautiful girl no longer here and yet still lives in our hearts…….God took my broken heart, and mended it in a way that only He could…..Thank you Lord God for EVERYTHING…….EVERYTHING! AMEN.x x
Ladies, sorry again for the missive, it felt right to share….indeed, the surprise of motherhood. I hope you don't mind…..Love to you all this Tuesday.x xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
God bless you, Tina! Praises to Him for bringing you to celebration, for sending special "daughters" to help!
Thank you for your brave words.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
It was very heartfelt and I rejoiced in your realization
that YOU had suffered enough. Praying you have
many joyous birthdays with your loved ones.
Thank you Diane and AMEN……God surely is good…..bless you sister for your kind thoughts and words.x x
Indeed Dianne, praises be to the One who knows our heart, and what we need, when we need it…bless you for your kind words and encouragement….Thank you….
Indeed Dianne, praises be to the One who knows our heart, and what we need, when we need it…bless you for your kind words and encouragement….Thank you….
Tina, thank you for that powerful testimony! I have carried two, but unfortunately lost them both. Your words encourages us, to find those whom God has placed in our lives ( at school/church …, in the neighborhood, those precious "nieces and nephews" belonging to our girlfriends…) and to mother/nurture them as we would those we "lost."
Mahalia, thank you and bless you for your encouragement……I am glad, as I was a tad worried that I'd said too much, that my words found a way to your heart…..we can never truly understand why we lose , but God…..knowing the desires of our heart, does help, guide direct and love us through our brokenness, our loss, our hurt….I see that now, as I look back…. but where I was, was too dark for me to see the light….praise God for His saving and amazing grace….. God, be with you my sister, and I prayer He hears the desires of your heart…..with love, Tina x
Heartbreakingly beautiful! Thank you for sharing. I know it will encourage many today. So thankful for the healing power through Jesus!
AMEN Nanette….God is good, faithful and loving to all who call on Him in truth….bless you and thank you for your kind words…x
Tina, thank you for bearing a very tender part of your soul here. You are safe. You are heard. I grieve with you and I acknowledge with you that even in the midst of a heartache that may never fully heal, you are enough for Him and He loves you fiercely!
Raechel, thank you so very much for your encouraging words…..God bless you…x x x
What an honor to hear your story this morning, Tina. Your love for your daughter is breathtaking, as is your love for your God. So grateful for your presence in this community and so thankful you shared this with us. You are loved!!
Amanda, I've got to you and I'm sobbing, I do feel and hear the love, friendship and encouragement from all these beautiful comments….I am so thankful for your ears and heart, and for allowing me to share what was on my heart this morning…..motherhood is a beautiful thing….however we walk it, and yes Amanda you are right…. I am loved so very much loved by my God who rescued me,and set me free to be the mother He calls me to be….bless you friend….x x x
Tina, there is so much to say here, but all I can say is this: your ability to be raw and vulnerable here is so precious, so valued… I am honored, as I'm sure we all are, to be able to know the things you've shared with us. Dear sister, beloved friend, you are BEAUTIFUL, inside and out, and your journey through brokenness– and the way the Lord has called you his own and set you free– is amazing to know of. As Raechel said, you are loved, and you are safe. God has used to you to inspire and encourage more than you could ever know. Be so blessed, sister. I pray you'd feel the fullness and the nearness of God's passionate, endless, neverfailing love for you today.
AnnaLee, bless you and thank you for your so very precious words…..I was crying as I wrote this morning, I cry now because I have sister's who walk with me and encourage me, grieve with me, praise God with me, love me ….I am . Blessed….I am . Blessed.. God bless you dear heart and thank you again….xxx
Aw Tina! Yes, Praise the Lord! That He's given all of us such priceless fellowship. Sending hugs over the internet right now. xoxo
Right back at you AnnaLee…can't sleep so thought I'd read the first three chapters of Lisa_ Jo's ..beautifully written book….x
Oh Tina you made me cry so very hard! I am but a stranger living in probably a far away place from you but what you shared…..thank you
Katherine, thank you ……Blessings to you….
Amen! God took your daughter to heaven, but left you with ten adopted daughters. Glory to him for being so amazing! God Bless
Gema, that is exactly what they are…..my girls… my gifts from God…..to carry on being the mother He created me to be……Thank you for your BLESSING….Blessings right back to you Gema….x
Tina,
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. And like some of the other women have said, you are safe here. God loves you soooo much and "he who started the work in you will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus." Love you dear sister!
Amazing post, as a mummy to be very soon this could not have come at a better time. Book downloaded and the video had me in pieces. Thank you for your loving words I know this book will change me.
Thank you SO much for having me – what an honor. Let's just sit and visit over tea for hours, eh Raechel? I love you wonderful women of the Word.Thank you for what you teach me about faithfully showing up each day to discover the Truth Christ has written into your story.
so much warm love
Lisa-Jo
We’re so glad you’re here!!
Looking forward to reading the book.
Congrats to you on your book. Praying it reaches many.
So thankful for you, friend! xoxo
Thank you Raechel for sharing Lisa Jo, her book and this heart touching video!
Bless you Lisa Jo and thanks for the heartfelt message and book. Although I am not a mother biologically, I have raised 2 siblings, adopted at 3 when my husband's niece surrendered her parental rights and gave me the privilege to mother her 2, yet they always knew her (and now their bio dad as well as adults with their own children)… Congrats on another great book! Loved this and getting to know you better. Thank you.
Joy and peace in Christ,
Peggy (with the heart of a mother)
PS I should pass a copy on to our daughter (with 4 children).
Ah, brought to tears indeed. Thank you so much for sharing these words of encouragement. I am part of the readers without kiddos but still. This spoke to me and comforted me in more ways than I thought it could. I am excited to read your novel and purchase it for myself and a few other mothers.
Come back soon ;)
http://www.shewhofears.com
Lisa jo, such a beautifully written first three chapters…. I'll be ordering my book in the morning…..beautiful, absolutely beautiful….I already have a list of amazing women I'll be sending copies to.
Beautiful, broken, stained-glass-pieced-back-together you. A masterpiece. In Him, you are enough. Thank you for these words too, a great description of my life for sure, and yet in Him…. in Him I am enough….Thank you Lisa jo.x
I just saw the video & I loved it! So glad you joined us here on SRT. Can't wait to read the book.