godly marriage

[Together as a She Reads Truth community, we are reading through Ephesians. Sign up for the reading plan here!]

Text: Ephesians 5:21-33

Let us go back and read verse 21 together, the last verse in our previous section of Scripture:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (NIV, emphasis added.)

We live in a fallen world.  The Bible tells us that we are made new through Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17, Ephesians 2:5), yet we will still face trials and temptations (James 1:2-4).  Paul talks about three specific points in the next three sections of scripture: marriage, parenting and the workplace.  It is not until Christ returns again that we are fully sanctified, and it is important that we remember that Paul gives us guidance in response to our broken humanity.  I am covered by God’s grace daily, but I still have the opportunity to sin, and often, I do.  So as we look at these three areas, I don’t want us to dwell on the fact that we are not perfect, but we need to remember that we are not living in Eden.  Our brokenness is not a picture of perfection, but to understand the curse, we need to understand the blessing.  I want us to focus on Him, the inheritance we are promised, and grace that covers us every time we mess up.

Paul begins this passage speaking to us as women and wives: “wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” (v. 22)  I believe that Paul’s advice is a direct response to our brokenness: teaching us to choose sacrificial love, as Christ loves–and died–for us.  For if we look at the blessing given to Adam and Eve (Genesis 1:28), they are told to subdue and rule together.  The curse, in Genesis 3:16b says “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” (NIV)

Paul goes on to command the husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church.  Let us remember Christ gave up His life for us, the Church. (v.25)  If we look at the curse given to Adam, Eve is nowhere to be found, but instead the curse is focused on the work and toil set out before him.

So what does this mean for us as wives? As husbands?  How can we bring our marriages closer to His created design?  How can we, through Him, overcome the curse?  How can we choose to love the way He loves: making choices to submit and sacrifice, not control.

Women, our tendency can be to control our husbands, and we need to learn how to become a helper for him.  (Genesis 2:18; John 14:26)  That word “helper” is not some small, backstage role. It’s the same word God uses in Exodus when he says, “I am Israel’s Helper” in parting the Red Sea and causing manna to fall from heaven! In other words, to be a helper is to be powerful and strong. God is saying in Genesis 2 that he’s created a helper for Adam who is strong and has abilities in ways that he does not.

And for husbands, the tendency is to turn away, to focus on career, to focus on providing.  But that is not God’s design for marriage.  Husbands must turn back to their wives and family, a love that is characterized by Christ’s love for us.
In Christ, a husband’s headship is characterized by becoming a servant and submitting to the needs of his wife, to foster Christ-likeness in her.  A wife willingly submits to her husband’s lead in serving her like Christ, as she desires to be more conformed into Christ’s image. There’s a dynamic at play in the marriage relationship:  equal and complementary.

• As women, married or single, how do live out being a helper?
• Take time to look at ways you might be trying to control your husband or loved one.  Ask God to reveal to you how to let go and help instead.
• Jesus, through His death on the cross has overcome the curse and made us new.  His example of humility and sacrifice is why we have the freedom today to submit to one another, out of reverence for Christ.  How can we submit to one another in our every day lives?
• This section of scripture might be very painful to read: perhaps you are in or have had a relationship or marriage that is characterized not by sacrificial, Christ-like love, but abuse and control.