cynthia young | blessing my disbelief


“My friends, if anyone is detected in a transgression, you who have received the Spirit should restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. Take care that you yourselves are not tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.  For if those who are nothing think they are something, they deceive themselves.” (Galatians 6:1-3)

Sometimes in Church when we listen to testimonies, we sit on the edge of our seats waiting for all the juicy details. I believe a lot of times we miss opportunities God gives us to help our brothers and sisters receive liberty from the many chains that bound us by focusing on the sin. Instead we should focus on the One who frees us from sin; testimonies are meant to bring glory and honor to God.

I have purposely not mentioned any ministries, name, or places; truly only a few know these details of my life. While writing I attempted to focus on God’s faithfulness and redemptive work in my life. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God!

I am 52 years old and my relationship with Christ has existed for over 30 years. So what I am about to say may shock some and even cause others to bring into question my Salvation. I am a minister of the Gospel and also I have traveled the world as a missionary. So when I tell you I love God and His Word; it is not just something I say, they are not empty words. 
I can truly understand the disbelief and questions some may have.

Two years ago I was right where some of you are today. Shaken and some of the same questions running through my mind; I questioned everything I believed. I thought I was on the right track; I was in full-time ministry, but Jesus was only Savior and not Lord of my life. There was also hurt in my life which I had not dealt with properly. Although the type of sin does not matter, to God sin is sin. I will reveal that it was sexual in nature and when I fell, I fell hard.

I can only remember continuing to hear God would get the glory out of this turmoil. My prayer has been through individual and group counseling, support groups, and not being able to active do ministry in my Church, “God you take this mess I have made and miraculously re-create something for righteousness-sake.
I thank God for His grace and mercy and His redemptive power.”

I thank Him for placing loving people in my life and professionals, who were willing to take the time to sit with me, listen (without judgment and/or condemnation). They prayed with me as well as for me while standing by me and holding my hand to the other side.

God’s grace has saved me, His mercy has been patient until I realized I needed to also allow Jesus to be Lord of my life, and His redemptive love has shown me incomparable forgiveness.


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43 thoughts on "cynthia young | blessing my disbelief"

  1. Cynthia says:

    Yes LA, it was for me as well. Be blessed!

  2. LA says:

    That was truly transformative and amazing. We are always looking for the big thing, the punch line, the it word then we miss the message by allowing the messenger’s word to be taken for granted.

  3. Cynthia says:

    Vickie, thank you for your kind words… and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” (John 8:32 NASB)

    Charmaine, you are so right! I believe if we all are honest with ourselves and more so with our brothers and sisters in Christ, a lot more of us will be made free.

    Ellen MR, I was thinking of you and praying for you…thinking to myself that “it is unusual for her not to post”. Thank you; you have such a “Barnabas” spirit! I thank God often for the work He is doing in your life. As John wrote to Gaius I quote to you: Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. (3 John 1:2 NASB)

  4. Ellen MR says:

    Dear Cynthia, I saw your testimony on my way to church yesterday, but didn’t get back to comment…
    Thank you Sister for bravely sharing your words, and your life with us. How fortunate we are to have your experience to draw on when we too fall. And this time, I will ask not only for forgiveness, but also for Jesus to be Lord of my life, now and forever, not just sometimes or when I think my salvation is threatened! As a “newbie” that’s my instinct. But with you and your wise words, today and whenever you post, I’ll grow so much more!
    My lady, I would never question your salvation!
    I’ve always considered you a Woman of God due to your extensive knowledge of Him and His word, and the sincere Love of the Lord that shines thru everything you say!
    Blessings to you! And I’m thankful you had wonderful support during your time of tribulation. Looking forward to Nehemiah with you!

  5. Charmaine says:

    Melissa I just want to say that I am praying for you and your husband. I know some of what it’s like to have such a battle your husband is dealing with” in the mind”. Satan can be strong in our minds but GOD is stronger! If I may suggest something… Read the Word to him everyday. Gods word is strong and powerful! It has helped me to stay focused! I’m glad there was some improvement and God is healing. Stay strong my sister and you AND your husband will be over comers.

    Cynthia thank you for sharing your testimony. You know it’s truly a blessing to hear that even those who teach the Word goes through. So times it seems that they are so perfect and nothing affects them. Almost like they have a barrier around them because they are teachers if Gods word. But I know they are as human as I am and have faults just like I do. So thank you bless you die being open and honest about your humanity. God is Lord!!!

  6. Cynthia says:

    Thanking everyone for their love and kindness!
    Sue :-), yes sin is sin but thank God for the Blood!
    Ingrid, thankful for Him being MY Kinsman Redeemer!
    Shan, so glad that Jesus is the Head of this Body we call the the Church!
    Thank you AmyKelly 213 for your encouragement!
    LaurenC_ , yes Savior is a blessing BUT Lord is a necessity!
    Ibukun thank you my Nigerian sister. I remember how excited I was finding you were from Africa!…mentioning you to my roommate who has a call of missions on her life to your part of the world. Be blessed and give God the glory.
    Brandi, thank you! My prayer daily is to do just that.
    Carolynmimi, you never cease to amaze me. You are a blessing!
    Christina, yes we should focus on the One who should be the center of our lives. Thank you for your prayers!
    Elizabeth, continue to seek and you will NEVER be disappointed!
    JuneBug, such a sweet, sweet spirit may God continue to shower blessings upon you. Thank God that He is continuing to mold and shape us all!
    Westcoastgal67, remember that He loves us more than we can ever imagine. Draw nigh to Him and He will draw nigh to you. Let Him love you!
    Melissa, the Word tells us that we will overcome by the words of our testimony. You, your husband, and family are in my prayers. God WILL get the glory!
    Tina, thank you and WELCOME! You have found a great place.
    LeahTvt, yes Lord of lords! Thank you.
    Candacejo, how wonderful you are! Continue to be a blessing to the Body of Christ.
    Madeline C., yes I believe we ALL struggle but the beauty of the struggle is the exchange of strength!
    Jesusgirl71, yes my sister…SO TRUE!
    Linda G…and Leenda324…LOL, I too thought I was seeing things oddly. Thankful to be able the encourage someone along the way!
    Sheila, so happy you commented today! Continue to allow God to use you; you have words that need to be read and heard.
    Adeline, thank you for your kindness!
    Cherry, you are welcome! That is what testimonies are meant to do…REMEMBER seasons are limited to the time God allows. They each have their purpose.

  7. Cherry says:

    Thank you for being so honest. You have given me strength to blueberry that I will get through this season of what seems like an endless mess. His grace is truly sufficient and His mercies are truly everlasting.

  8. Candacejo says:

    Melissa that is wonderful news! God answers prayer and will show up when we need Him! The Bible says to resist the devil and he will flee from you. You have a community of ladies around you praying for your situation, holding you up in prayer. “What time I am afraid I will trust in thee!”

  9. Adeline says:

    Thanks for sharing your testimony. It was really brave of you to do that.

  10. Sheila says:

    I've never commented here, but I missed SRT yesterday, also. Cynthia, I know it's not easy to put yourself out there, but please know that your story and your comments have touched me also. Testimonies are meant to bring glory and honor to God, how true. I get all fired up when someone writes something that makes me stop and think. Making Jesus Lord of my life…I've been praying the last week to go to Jesus first, not as a back up plan. He is my Lord and Saviour, but do I seek Him first? I'm feeling these go hand in hand…learning to lean on Him first and making Him Lord in my life. I just started to really study the Bible 2 years ago, so I'm not always sure that what I write is correct.

  11. Leenda324 says:

    BTW Leenda324 is Linda G — I just opened an IntenseDebate account. :)

    1. Carolynmimi says:

      Good to know. LOL I thought these two gals not only attend the same church, but spoke exactly alike.

      1. LindaG says:

        Ha! :)

  12. Leenda324 says:

    Cynthia, thank you for sharing your heart and your experience. Reminds me of what the pastor said this morning in his sermon: we are both beautiful (created in God's image) and broken. It's in that broken place that He can use us if we let Him. I'm grateful that you have been open to being used. Your words are an encouragement to me.

    Happy mother's day all you mamas, grandmamas, hope to be mamas, struggling to be mamas, etc. etc. You are a blessing!

  13. LindaG says:

    Cynthia, thank you for sharing your heart and your experience. Reminds me of what the pastor said this morning in his sermon: we are both beautiful (created in God's image) and broken. It's in that broken place that He can use us if we let Him. I'm grateful that you have been open to being used. Your words are an encouragement to me.

    Happy mother's day all you mamas, grandmamas, hope to be mamas, struggling to be mamas, etc. etc. You are a blessing!

  14. jesusgirl71 says:

    I did not become aware of the concept of making Jesus lord as well as savior until recently. this is so important! I have heard it said that the problem with a living sacrifice is that we like to crawl off that altar. thanks for this.

  15. Nisey Felton says:

    Rev Cynthia, nobody can love, forgive and redeem like He can. He’s amazing. Your testimony let’s us know that we are not our mistakes we are who He says we are. Thank God for His love! Awesome

  16. Shéja Leary says:


  17. Madeline C. says:

    Thank you for your words Cynthia! I think I struggle every day making Jesus my Lord. I’ve got eldest child syndrome, and I’ve got it bad! I find it encouraging that others find it hard as well, and it makes me more determined to make him my Lord.

    Melissa, you are in my prayers today.

  18. Candacejo says:

    Cynthia, God will bless you and help you in this healing process….for it is a process! Not that He doesn’t forgive instantly because He does. But thankfully I think the healing comes slowly, we learn better that way! And there is so much to learn and so much to heal. It sounds like you are in a good place to do just that.

    I understand when you say you have been all of these things FOR God but sometimes we don’t even KNOW Him…how often that happens in a Christian’s life would blow our minds. There is no relationship. No Lordship. Been there, done that, DESIGNED THE T-SHIRT!!! And it seems we have to hit rock bottom before we look up and realize we don’t even really know who He is.

    And just like in Hosea…He is waiting, patiently waiting….forgiving…loving…drawing us back to Him, into RELATIONSHIP.

    Thank you for your transparency and may God bless you as you make your journey back to where He may use you for HIS glory!

  19. LeahTvt says:

    Thanks for sharing your heart, Cynthia! Wow! Your statement, “…but Jesus was only Savior and not Lord of my life” really spoke to me.

    I call Jesus my “Lord” but…is He really? I have to get honest with myself and realize more often than not I think I’ve just treated Him as Saviour. Thanks again for your testimony.

    Happy Mother’s Day, sisters!

  20. Tina says:

    Cynthia’ congratulations. you have overcome! it is a great privilege to go astray and retrace our step. we are saved by grace and keep standing by grace alone least any should boast. It is not easy to get to the broken stage where nothing else matters but only to love and do His will. I know God has encouraged you to share so as to lift others!

    I joined SRT recently and am encouraged by the word and testimonies.

    Happy Mother’s Day to all SRT mothers!

  21. Melissa says:

    Some of us are more battered and bruised than others. This month is very hard for me and my husband, as he has a lot of bad memories of this (and the coming) months. As I type this, he's just been hospitalized in a psychiatric unit for trying to hurt himself. He has lost his faith in God and everything else. I am praying to walk in the Spirit and show him God's love when he can't see it clearly through the fog. Cynthia, your testimony was beautiful and gave me so much hope that his story, our story can be used for God's glory. I received a vision in church a few months ago that told me I was about to be a part of a fight but that God was with me and He would reign victorious. I now know what that fight is and I'm ready to put on my armor and fight Satan like he's never been fought before. Our God is greater, ladies. He WILL reign victorious! In my life. In your lives! Praise His name in all circumstances. Thank you, ladies, for being my outlet. And thank you, Cynthia for your testimony. You are truly a blessed child of God.

    1. Carolynmimi says:

      Melissa, Girl, I am praying for you and your husband. Truly you are engaged in Spiritual Warfare and have the putting on His armor part going on in your life.

      What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:31-39 NIV)

      Take Heart, others are battling with you. Remember the Old Testament story about Elisha as the armies came against him:

      When the servant of the man of God got up and went out early the next morning, an army with horses and chariots had surrounded the city. “Oh no, my lord! What shall we do?” the servant asked. “Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. As the enemy came down toward him, Elisha prayed to the Lord, “Strike this army with blindness.” So he struck them with blindness, as Elisha had asked. (2 Kings 6:15-18 NIV)

      Open Melissa's eyes, Lord to the chariots of fire that stand with her in her battle for her husband's Well Being! Bring your healing Angels to his surround and protect him from the arrows of the Evil One! Bring him Peace that passes understanding. To you be the Praise and Glory FOREVER! Amen

      1. Melissa says:

        Thank you so much. I went to visit him tonight and was so encouraged by the presence of God all over it. Things are falling exactly into place and turning out to be answered prayers immediately. I'm so thankful and in awe. Thank you for your prayers and kind words!!

  22. Westcoastgal67 says:

    It’s so true that Christ needs to be our Lord, not just our Saviour. I have been convicted of this over the past year and am glad to see it out in a way I haven’t been able to describe yet. I’ve been a Christian all my life and had God show me many things, but have been resenting him for a couple years now. Doesn’t matter what sin we’re committing. Sin is sin is sin.

  23. JuneBug says:

    Cynthia! I was so glad to read your name on today's post. You are such a blessing to us! :) Thank you for having the courage to speak out your testimony. It is so healing and encouraging to read it. I thought, "she's just like me" when I read it. Ohhhh…The Potter makes something beautiful out of us. Yes, I believe that God will continue to use your story for His glory.

    Wouldn't it be great if everyone in our churches today could be so open and vulnerable? We are all a little battered and bruised and need that spirit of gentleness in action in our congregations, speaking words of life and love to help us heal when we are injured. Like Carolynmimi touched on, this is what is needed for the "church to be the CHURCH." I'm so glad to hear that you have a strong team of support and a soft place to land. May God bless you and keep you. May He sing words of love over you today.

    "We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:7-9 (NLT)

    1. Carolynmimi says:

      Ah, JuneBug that the Church would be "a soft place to land."

  24. Elizabeth says:

    Cynthia, thank you for sharing. I have been exactly where you were – Jesus was Savior, but not Lord of my life. That is a perfect way to put it. I don't think I have ever in my life truly been seeking Him the way I am seeking Him now. I'm definitely not saying that I am doing a superb job of seeking Him, but I sense the urgency in my life now, the necessity, and I definitely did not have that before.

    Love you all, ladies! Happy Mother's Day!

  25. Christina says:

    Thanks for sharing your story, Cynthia. And thanks for reminding me we need to focus on the One who redeems, not the sin. How can we heal when we focus on the sin? We can only heal when we focus on the One who redeems us.
    I’m lifting you up in prayer.

  26. Carolynmimi says:

    Cynthia, your testimony blessed me so much. Jesus came not for those who were content in their [self] righteousness, but for those who were broken, sinful, and KNEW it. For the church to be the CHURCH, we must recognise that in every pew, someone is hurting, doubting, living in sin, a person all fixed up with a ticket to heaven, but unable to submit to Christ's Lordship…and alas, that person is often me. Singing "He is Lord" doesn't make it so, but testimonies like yours help all of us look inward, look upward and then look outward.

    Happy Mothers Day to all SRT Moms! Felt cut off yesterday without SRT! I think I am addicted! :)

    1. JuneBug says:

      Beautiful! Sweet poet, I couldn't say it any better. THIS is the church we need in action! Happy Mother's Day to you too!

    2. LeahTvt says:

      Wow, Carolynmimi! Well put. We need the church to be the CHURCH, for sure. Great reminder here!

      1. Margie says:

        Carolymimi, as always, you said it the way it needed to be said =). I love reading your posts! happy Mother's Day!

  27. Brandi says:

    Cynthia thank you so much for sharing! I'm so thankful to the Father for His Grace! And thankful that He can use us in spite of us. Walk in His awesome grace today my sister!

  28. Ibukun says:

    I’ve been waiting for a long while for your testimony to get here, Cynthia! I’m so glad you were brave and honest enough to come out here to testify. No, I do not doubt your salvation if anything this means that you are just as broken as all of us and that it is through his grace alone that we are saved. Keep shining for Him. You are MENDED!

  29. LaurenC_ says:

    It dawned on me as I read Cynthia’s testimony, how often I don’t allow Jesus to be The Lord over my life. I’ve searched Him out to be my savior over many years & received Him as my savior into my heart. But all too often it stops there. I try to act like, “Thanks Jesus for coming as my savior. I’ve got it from here on out.” Then I assume I can be my own lord over my life, knowing He came to be my savior. But His coming was just the beginning & I need to pray more to make Him my Lord over all aspects of my life. I read a quote yesterday that said “We exist for God, for His purposes. Not the other way around.” How often I lean on Him as savior but I also need Him as Lord in all parts of my life. I’m growing & learning, praises to God my savior AND Lord.

    Hoping all the mothers of SRT enjoy a lovely Mothers Day. I thought my two furry boys might have made me breakfast in bed but no such luck. :)

    1. Ibukun says:

      Haha! Happy mothers day, Lauren! Your boys will probably make you lunch. :)

  30. AmyKelly213 says:

    I was so glad to see it was you is morning, Cynthia!! Thank you so much for sharing your testimony. You are so brave! I love you!!

  31. Shan says:

    Thank you Cynthia for giving your testimony and being willing to allow God to use the struggle you went through. Sometimes I feel like it is the church who judges the hardest when that should be the place we are able to turn to when we need to face our sin and heal. God sends us the right people to help us return to Him and to learn to forgive ourselves. I wish you all the best in your continued work for the Lord and relationship with Him.

    1. Vicky says:

      As I read this I was brought to tears remembering when we sin we do sin against others we sin against our Father in heaven. When we repent the chains of bondage are lifted. Thank you for sharing and helping me to remember. Praying for you sweet lady.

  32. Ingrid says:

    Thank you Cynthia for sharing your testimony, we serve a forever, forgiving, loving God who always pick us up from the muck of life and clean us up into something beautiful. What a wonderful redeemer.

    Am in the UK so I will say happy mothers day to all my JAMERICANS sisters out there, have a blessed day all.xx

  33. Sue :-) says:

    Cynthia, you are so right. Sin is sin is sin, and God’s loathing is for all sin. Jesus died for all of us sinners, including me. And the beauty of it is that He forgives it all.

    We serve a merciful master — amazing grace!

    And I am learning how our Heavenly Father will take these extremely difficult times and teach us. He teaches us the power of humility (yes, there’s God power in our humbleness!), and He showers us with his always faithful love.

    So, I am thankful for my wilderness journey, in the winter of my soul. Because spring and renewal always follows, and I can reflect back and see that God was with me the entire time.

    Happy Mother’s Day, my blessed #SRT sisters!