Lifting the hammer up with both hands, I knocked the shelf loose from its fixed position. My screams had become muffled by the sobs caught in my throat, but through shallow breaths and clenched teeth, I made my complaints known and laid into Him.
I want my babies! Where are they? Why do You give them to me if You’re only going to take them away?
After our first miscarriage, I wept as I painted our bedroom walls, covering up the sunny yellow and replacing it with a controlled, subdued neutral. The linen closet received a welcome facelift and my wardrobe was purged, streamlined to a more manageable system for daily use. After years of unexplained infertility, I was told to be happy I’d gotten pregnant in the first place. Chin up, Buttercup. Let’s soldier on.
But this second miscarriage, four months later, was different. I felt utterly unhinged, untethered to anything. Forgotten. And so I drifted violently across the kitchen floor, from cabinet to cabinet and shelf to shelf, re-organizing and reordering, wielding a hammer and railing on my Maker.
Years passed, and I grew numb. Empty. And very sick, it turns out. I found myself in a neurologist’s office with a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. What’s more, my doctor discovered an anomaly in my blood work. An autoimmune disease and now an antibody—the doctor believed that together, they’d caused me to miscarry.
He may have been right. Three months into being on my MS meds, and without trying, I became pregnant with identical twin girls. I laughed out loud as my obstetrician pointed out two fluttering heartbeats on the ultrasound. I laughed, and I promise you, I heard Him laugh too.
Pain, loss, and affliction—I know them well. We all do because they’re a promised byproduct of life here in a fallen world (John 16:33). They come tangled up with joy and abundance and blessing. I’ve tried to extricate the good from the seemingly bad, but to no avail. They’re a packaged deal.
So while my dream of having children has been realized, and then some, I still have multiple sclerosis. Now, being well enough to keep up with our girls the way I’d always imagined is a struggle, a deep shame I do battle with daily.
This is my Ebenezer: my affliction, healing, and blessing bound together in a monument to Him and for His glory (Genesis 35:14; 1 Samuel 7:3–12). It’s here that I’ve wrestled with my God and have come to know Him face to face. I cannot praise Him and thank Him for our girls without praising and thanking Him for my diagnosis of MS. Learning to do so will no doubt take a lifetime.
He’s chosen to weave great joy into deep sorrow. This forces me to wonder if my affliction and physical limitations are somehow God’s kindness to me (2 Corinthians 12:5–10)—constant reminders that my body, this temporal world, and everything in it are fading away. Meanwhile, the eternal wages on, refreshed and renewed, out in the open air and light of His presence. “Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16).
Kara Gause is a content editor for She Reads Truth, happily residing with her family in Nashville, Tennessee.
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151 thoughts on "Affliction and Healing"
I’m coming up on the 1 year anniversary of the exact day where my “professional” life and “personal” life all began to unravel when a family member’s declining health became evident and a bunch of transition and hard times were hitting at work. Ultimately the family member passed away a month after a needed coworker quit and my company was unable to hire a replacement. For months my stress level was through the roof. But this summer was supposed to be a reprieve, for these things to finally be resolved and I could get a clean slate to start over, except that a dear friend’s baby was born with an undiscovered congenital heart defect and now his life hangs in the balance and the heaviness of hardship, pain, struggle is still very real and present for me. I just want a break, Lord, from life being so hard. I’m coming to this study for answers in the Bible on how to understand grief.
I chose to read this series for advent after we lost our precious fourth child this September at 20weeks. It’s been so touching and real and this post in particular. I want to rage. Paint this year the worst and be hurt and mad by it- but, in truth, this is the year of so much good and blessings. Community that loved us, God using people to assure His love for me and my family. I want to say He doesn’t love me, but it’s so clear He does. Curse and blessing wrapped up together. Hurt and gratefulness. Heartbroken and peace.
Thank you for sharing a piece of your story with us, Kimberly. I feel a bit in that space now and wrestling to not let it go too far. Grateful for supportive parents that are holding me up in the midst of this season of debilitating anxiety.
I really needed to read this today. I am 24 years old and have to see a chiropractor as often as 3-4 times a week for scoliosis and SI joint issues. I often get discouraged at my condition and that I can’t run or lift as easily as other people my age and often limp or experience pain. I am learning to have joy despite my weakness and look beyond my physical ailments to Him.
I am rereading this and sobbing. Amidst this global pandemic and so much systemic injustice being brought to life (I being a non-Black woman of color), I have been dealing with the worst anxiety and depression I’ve ever had, gone through a breakup, felt cut-off from my support system (most of whom live across the country), had a death in the family, and realized my job is oppressive to me and others. Reading this gave me hope. It made me realize that though I felt like I had been falling deeper into a hole of despair, it was God with the thorn in my side to humble me. Though I had been focusing on the tragedies, manna was falling daily from the sky. I have never been in so much pain and for so long. And yet daily His mercies are new. This read was so timely. I would love your prayers.
my pastor’s son just lost his first child three weeks ago today. it is a horrible time of grieving for our church family. we are all heartbroken. but because of this heartache, i am able to see God’s love so clearly. he is so faithful even in the worst of times. and now, my pastor’s son and his wife will have an even greater capacity of love for their next child. they are clinging to God’s faithfulness. it is a horrible time of mourning, but a beautiful time of rejoicing. both at the same time. i praise God for his unfailing love.
Just the other day I was telling a friend that I sensed the Lord prompting a perspective shift in me to see my past afflictions as His kindness and a sign of His love. So it’s only fitting that I’d read the same in today’s devotional. As someone who has also battled chronic illness, I’m thankful for how it’s shown me to wait in expectant hope for the day when all pain will cease, and in its place will be unending joy for being in the presence of Jesus eternally.
♥️
My dad died three years ago January 5, and my father-in-law was diagnosed with multiple myeloma cancer one week before Christmas. It’s been a rough few weeks, but I think this study has really helped me.
It confronted to know that I’m not the only one to feel broken hearted when your prayers aren’t being answered with infidelity I read your comments and messages and it gives me hope that one day my prayers will be answered too Thanks for such a wonderful message will needed God Bless you all.
Praise God, this reading blessed me. Thank you
Well said, Kara. I am experiencing this dichotomy as well. I have genetic Alzheimers at 38, so as I prepare for the marriage of my oldest daughter, navigate the high school experience with my two autistic teens, and treasure the remaining baby-ness of my youngest, I can feel my disease wearing me down, and I am already mourning the eventual loss of all of these memories. Yet I can also see how God has shaped my life with this in mind, and how He has used this and other hardships to help me see my need for His strength amidst my frailty.
My boyfriend of 2 years and I broke up a couple of months ago, and this study has been helpful in simply walking me through my grief. I had prayed for months but ultimately lacked a clarity and peace in my spirit about moving forward with him. I found out later that we broke up a couple weeks before he had planned to propose. I’ve struggled with grieving because while it was my decision to walk away, I genuinely wanted things to work out. Yet God didn’t allow me to have the peace I needed to have for some unknown reason, and so I’m trying to trust in His guidance and direction even though I don’t understand.
In addition to that, my lifelong best friend is getting married in a month and I’m her MOH, so I’ve been trying to figure out how to navigate celebrating with her in the midst of saying no to a life that I wanted to have that she’s getting.
The Lord has been doing a lot of housekeeping in my heart and showing me just how sinful and selfish I am. He has also washed me in grace, reminding me that I don’t have to try to do all of this on my own, but that He will be my strength to get me through this and give me the right attitudes to be able to grieve my lost chance at marriage while celebrating the marriage of my best friend.
He has also encouraged and reminded me through this study of the importance of putting nothing else above Him. People come and go from our lives and loved ones pass away, but He will always be with us. We will never be deserted by Him or have to grieve the loss of Him because He promises to never leave us nor forsake us, and He never changes. And in this season of change and loss, this has been the most comforting truth for me of all.
Kara — you verbalized it so well. Caring for a child through a chronic illness does carry this weird (somewhat illogical) deep shame that pulls and pushes with a consistency that’s wearing. Thanks for verbalizing that!! I’m constantly doing battle there but people give me blank stares or reassurances of my parenting when I attempt to explain.
Prayers for all! God, You are the Maker of Heaven and earth. You are Sovereign and love each one of Your children. You know their hearts and the best plan for their lives. May they know Your love and Presence in a deeper way. Please help each one, Dear God and let Your Kingdom come and will be done. Guide and protect them. Please let them remember that You are the Lifter of their Heads. Give each one joy and a sweet, peaceful sleep tonight. Let them cast their cares on You and find rest in Jesus Name Amen
Dear Brokenhearted,
I understand the pain of an affair. Praying for you. God used so many people, Christian TV, recordings, and situations during that time! Cling to Jesus! I even talked to God in the bathroom at work. Praying for you and your family.
I can’t directly reply through the app but Churchmouse I look forward to reading your comments everyday and I admire you wisdom and knowledge. You have given me much insight and perspective over the last few months that I have been on SRT for which I am extremely grateful. I am praying for you.
@brokenhearted Praying for you sister. I can not imagine what you are going through. He is making beauty from your ashes.
Unfortunately it is a season of being broken and in pain and wanting anything for God to fix it and to take it away, for things to go back to normal and to find peace and comfort, but I know God is going to heal me on his own time and that’s just a concept I need to learn and be comfortable with.
He heals the brokenhearted. This is so true in my life. I am going through the hardest, most painful season of my life right now. My husband is having an emotional affair and I believe that things are escalating quickly. But in these last few months, God has done so much to my heart. He has surrounded me with a strong support team and lead me to a wonderful counselor. I have had enough of the lies and the cheating and I am confronting him very soon and giving him his options, us or her. Four months ago, I couldnt have done it as I would have been an absolute mess. But today, I am confident and feel strong, I know that God is guiding me and holding me through all the pain. He’s growing me in the midst of all of this and I’m so grateful for that. I know that I still have a long, long way to go, but I can honestly say that God heals the brokenhearted.
I’m praying for you and your kids!
This hit home for me today. I had a difficult miscarriage 3 years ago, which led to an autoimmune health crash and diagnosis of chronic Lyme disease. The life I knew slowly unraveled. Trying to treat Lyme has been a challenge of patience and endurance, and the emotional and physical pain can at times be unbearable. It seems that not only have I lost my baby, but my health, physical abilities, and activities I loved to do, as well. I still long to be a mother, but feel like it’s an impossible dream since I’m so far from being well enough to care for a baby. “But God…”
I know in my heart that all things are possible through the Lord and though I can’t understand it, I’m right where He wants me. He keeps me going and provides for my every need, even on the hardest days. He knows my heart, my longings, my hopes. He has everything under His control.
This study has truly been so perfect for me, and today’s story was especially encouraging. What a powerful reminder that our lives may not look how we thought they would, but God’s plan is so much greater than we could ask for or imagine. Praying that all of us in our affliction would experience His healing and restoration, even if it comes in a different way or at a different time than we expect.
Joanna — the details are different but have been there with the health crash and the hope of a baby that seems utterly impossible (our surprise impossible is 4 now and parenting through chronic health stuff is hard at times — but unless God intervenes there will only be one kid because chronic illness
Nadine, I’ll be praying for you, your mother-in-law, and all your family as you go through this hardship. ❤️
Churchmouse, my heart & prayers go out to you. Like everyone here, it is your shared heart I look for because you strengthen mine. God has blessed us with understanding through you more times than I can count. Thank you sweet Sister in Christ for being willing to share even through your pain. May the Lord bless you greatly and keep you tucked by His side.
My mother-in-law (whom I love as my own mother) was diagnosed with thyroid cancer just this morning. “Though our outer self is dying away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” I’m thankful for this community and this reading plan. The journey leading up to this diagnosis has been hard, but I am thankful for His faithful love for us—even in hardship.
When I finished reading and seen the art work for today tears filled my eyes of course. I just finished telling the Lord last night how broken my heart is. I’ve always loved this verse but just to see it first thing this morning in plain sight like that got me. Beautiful.
Caroline, Your broken heart is real and significant. Praise the Lord that you are seeing his reasons and growing in Him. He wants us close to him and because we are his he will remove what keeps us at arms length. He wants to be our first love he won’t force it but he will show us the way and asks us to follow. I will pray for you and your hurting heart. I’m praising him that you are his!
Caroline,
I am praying for you and that you will feel God holding you tight.
Churchmouse, I am praying for your heart. Continue to hold on and wait for the Lord. He sees you. He is right there with you in the dark. Know that you are never alone and so loved.
Churchmouse, may I selfishly say, I need you. I seek your wisdom every morning. You are a blessing in my life. The darkness has taken my loved ones from me. Stay strong. Continue looking up. You are loved. You matter. I am praying for you.
Caroline,
For some reason I can’t reply directly to your comment… your heart is as valuable as any other and your pain as real. Let God draw you into himself, get to know Him as your true love. While life will have its ups and downs with circumstances and relationships, the overwhelming peace that comes from truly seeking a relationship with Jesus first, will sustain. I’m so glad you are digging into the WORD!
I’ve been part of the She Reads Truth community for a long time & I don’t think I’ve ever seen a study that has had so many comments. There’s so many hurting & so much pain. I’m blessed by those who share their stories of a God who heals & brings victory through the pain. I’ve been praying for you sweet sisters as I’ve been reading your stories. May God wrap you in His loving arms & bring grace & peace to you today as you journey on.
This devotion today sums up exactly what I’ve been feeling and have experienced the past 3 yrs. 3 yrs ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer, my ‘babies’ were 5 and 3. Through it I feel the deepest pain, but also experience sustaining grace and greatest joy of the life and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ in and through me.
Dear Churchmouse, sending you love and wishing you waves of our Lord’s peace!
This study ….. a healing balm for sure, anointed in every contributors story and every God breathed verse. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 grade 4 renal cell carcinoma in July…four weeks before we welcomed our first granddaughter —— and this study comes at the perfect time. Directed by God a few weeks ago to jump back into She Reads Truth, it is clear that this study was a journey He wanted me on. Perhaps it will be on repeat for the coming months as blessings and abundance are shadowed by pleadings for healing. Thank you all for sharing caring and praying –
Churchmouse, my prayers are with you this morning, that the sun (Son) comes out from behind the dark clouds for you to see.
Dearest Churchmouse, I count you as one of my dearest friends… Each morning I look for your comments… God has gifted you with the ability to make His truths so applicable to daily living. The best part is your vulnerability, I so identify with you, but I am challenged by your obedience to God’s word.
I am praying for you…I’d love to have an update on your present health condition…
Holding up your arms, today!
Blessings,
Churchmouse – I’m going to continue to echo what we’ve all said – you are such a blessing to me!! I long for the moment God’s love, grace & mercy overwhelm you again.
Lord, wash over her, cleanse her, heal her body, soul & mind! Keep her near to you – let her know you are for her! Lift her spirit, Holy Spirit give her all the fruit she needs – joy & peace! Jesus be her daily bread, her provision, her friend, sustain her on this journey!! Have your way, may your kingdom come in her life! Amen
Churchmouse, I also find myself in a dark night of the soul for the first time in 12 years since my son died. I learned then that He is still good. I know that He is still good, in the midst of deep suffering. I don’t understand His ways (again!) but I look for reminders and assurances that He can still be trusted. Because i know it is true. I pray for assurances for you of His loving kindness and reminders that He is a Good Good Father. May you hear the tender whispers of his love in the dead of night, telling you that you are never alone. Blessings to you, friend.
Churchmouse (It won’t let me reply to your message directly) – I, too, am encouraged by the way you consistently speak truth here. We know that God sees and hears your cries…and now to pray that He will act on your behalf. And so I will pray for this. And that you feel loved and cherished in the waiting. xo
Churchmouse…I am praying for you this morning…for strength, stamina, and to rely on Him faithfully. God has given you a gift of communication and sharing insights to these daily readings, and I have always felt I understood the daily Bible readings and devotions even more after having read your comments. I know He will see you through this.
Churchmouse- I’m praying for you! God uses you everyday to minister to me and to many others I’m sure! I just want to tell you that you aren’t waiting alone. Of course, the Father sees you, and we, your Sisters are here with you. We will sing with you in the darkness and hold your hand. We will sing praises together. We will cry with you. We will sit beside you in the silence. Watching and waiting in expectation for the deliverance of our King. Much love!
Thank you, Brandi. My thoughts exactly as I pray for Churchmouse – and the rest of us as we journey together.
So beautifully states Brandi! And, yes, Churchmouse you aren’t waiting alone, we are on our knees with you.
I am in a season of “a dark night of the soul.” I am much afflicted by it. I need a cleansing and a healing. I cry out to my Abba Father. I wait for His response. I know it’s coming though I know not when. I am weary but He gives me strength for the day. I take His daily provision while I long for a cup overflowing. He is faithful. It will come. I hold on.
Praying for you dear sister.
Sweet Churchmouse you are covered in prayer.
Oh, Churchmouse, this hurts my heart. We have been here together for so long and I still miss Tina. Prayers for you and yours through this season. I wasn’t sure if this post was from the first time we did Mourning and Dancing or now. Appears recent. Hold on He has you.
I am praying for you Churchmouse. We’re here for you!
Prayers sent up for you.
MOs. S s AS a as well
I hate to talk about my broken heart because it seems insignificant compared to other struggles women are facing. I am a senior in high school and just went through a breakup. The relationship failed because of my lack of responsibility. I am now realizing that it didn’t fail because I am not deserving, but because the relationship was a crutch for me; it allowed me to stay an arms length away from God so I could talk to him only when I thought I needed him. While being lonely is something I really struggle with, I am learning to accept the thorn God has put in my side, because He has placed it there for a reason.
My loss is different. But I️ lost my plans.
My boyfriend, my Roomate (I’m a college student) my dance team, my best friend, my passion for dance, and a handful of other things. I’ve recently been struggling with why is God taking away so much from me and at time the pain and Lonilness feels unbearable and consuming. This story and these verses remind me of God sends of humor, and his divine plan. That there’s I️t tons to find joy in. And tho the things of this world can waste away, and I️ can waste away, God is ever constant, renewing me day by day. He gives me new hope and gives me struggles to see him better. These “thorns in my side” are his plan. And they’re here on purpose, God’s got a plan, I️ shouldn’t worry. I️ should rejoice
Jessica,
I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but you are so so strong. God has a plan. He presents these challenges to help show that we need him and not things of this world. I struggle with this constantly, and you are right with our need to rejoice in the struggle. You inspire me with your strength.
I have twin boys and I know of the joys but also the extra challenges that twins bring. I am so encouraged and amazed at your strength raising your twins while battling MS. You are a strong woman and God obviously knew you were the right woman to be their mother. Your courage and faith are inspiring. Thanks so much for sharing a piece of your story! ❤
For so long I’ve been heartbroken by men. As a child I was sexually molested from the ages of 6 to 14, by a variety of people. I felt that my innocence was taken from me at a young age and spent most of teen years looking for protect from boys. After chasing after the wrong people, God finally gave me the man of my dreams. He is no way perfect,but abundant in every way possible. I’ve only been dating him for 7 months, but I know this is God ordained. I keep letting my past pain and hurt get in the way of fully trusting and loving him, due to my unspoken fears. I know that change is needed and he is willing to support and guide me in any means possible. Though my heart is still recovering from trust issues, I see the work of God at hand and give nothing but thanks. Please keep me in your prayers. God’s grace and mercies are worth more than my pain and fears.
You are absolutely in my prayers, Lex. Thank you so much for sharing this, as hard as it has to be to share. The Lord redeems and protects and restores and I am so glad you are seeing Him work in your life.
– Stormye
This is exactly what I needed to read today. My heart is growing harder, colder, and more bitter with each passing day. I’ve had 2 miscarriages in the last year and my life feels so dark and overwhelming lately. I can totally relate to the anger you describe.
As someone with an autoimmune disease of 8 years and am now 22 I found this very hard to read. I can’t tell u how often I have spent crying and praying to the lord to heal me. I have watched my self deteriorate with each passing day looking in the mirror hating how my body is giving away on me. I have cried to be the leper healed by our lord. We are all fighting our own battles and never discredit anyone’s fight, but I found this hard to read knowing I’ll never marry, have kids or possibly have a career, but knowing someday I’ll be healthy in our enternal home is the only thing u have to hold onto.
Praying for you and your courage
Thank you for your honesty, vulnerability, and truth! I too have experienced the intertwining of this deep sorrow in joy in my personal recovery journey,. For years I never understood the way the two work together, but it’s actually quite humbling and beautiful in hindsight. ❤️
I wish I could tell you how your words were so encouraging. I have been in that dark place not knowing how to get out. Intellectually I knew that God would bring me through but seeing no light at the end of that tunnel was almost more than I could bare. I am on the mend and in a much better place. The road ahead is promising but there will still be hurts to repair, healing time and struggles that I will encounter because of my choices. Thank you for sharing and just being real. None of us have it all together even if it ‘looks’ that way.
This is my art journal entry for Affliction and Healing:
https://thegraceupongrace.wordpress.com/2016/08/10/day-9-broken-jars-of-clay/
I don’t normally click on links that other readers provide, but felt prompted to check your out. Thank you so much for sharing such raw emotions, your beautiful story, and the road you have traveled. I shared it with someone who could probably write the exact same thing right now. Thank you for sharing your story.
I sit here totally blown away by what you wrote. Thank you for your beautiful words. I’ve been in that dark place many times. I hope you’re still encouraged and doing well.
http://Www.JustKeepGoingParents.com and the book, Just Keep Going: Spiritual Encouragement from the Mom of a Troubled Teen came from that hard place.
Our son is eight years in recovery from addiction to alcohol and other drugs. At age 11 he started that ten year decent. So much heartache but during that time God and I forged a deep, strong bond I would not trade for anything. Today our son is healthy and whole, working a service-lead program of recovery and walking with God. Our family is so much closer and we are all better people as a result of that trial and the miracles we saw and still see in recovery. The good and the bad are indeed a package deal that has pointed me straight to God. Such agony, such glory.
Sarah, its so good to see a story of recovery that has a happy ending. Though I totally get that along with the mountaintop there came a chasm before it. I still wanted to tell you I celebrate this mountaintop you are on now and I am so glad you shared it!! God bless!!
I disagree: http://stannebarrington.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/0622-with-ads.pdf
Kara – Where can we find your blog? This post is beautiful! For some reason, the hyperlink to your blog isn’t showing up but I’d love to find it. Thanks!
Currently in a season of both deep sorrow and great joy. Thank you for your words of encouragement to carry on as I try and find my own balance between the joy and the pain. This study has spoken so deeply to my soul.
So encouraging!
Praise God for your two baby girls!! I was overcome with joy for you when I got to that part!
But the pain you endured was grief and grief understood! I too have lost a child. My 20 year old daughter was killed in 2007 at the hands of a drunk driver. Sometimes, people, well-meaning people I guess say the most hurtful things and I am so sorry in the midst of your loss and grief you were told to be happy you’d gotten pregnant in the first place, and to chin up!! Comments no doubt from someone who had no clue the deep pain you felt. I have heard words too that I have been left standing with my jaw dropped thinking, “Lord plant my feet, and hold my tongue!!’
I try to remember those are well meaning, but sometimes I think they are plain and simple stupidity!!(forgive me Lord!)
But that isn’t what your story is all about. I am sorry for the pain you’ve felt and probably still do for the loss of your first two babies. Babies that you never held or brought home. Babies that were YOUR babies but the world tends to write off as though they never were. But we know that were and are and one day sweet sister all of your sweet girls and you will be together. For now find peace that two are in the presence of God and your precious twins here with you to live life, laugh, play, grow (I’m sorry, that part is hard huh?) and I am so thankful the Lord blessed you with them, and them with you. My prayers for healing of your body and your grief. I have a few close friends who have struggled with loss of an unborn baby, or stillborn, and then joyfully discovered they were once again pregnant. I’ve seen the true joy,and yet behind that somewhere is still the reality of their pain. I think the conflict within must be so very hard.
Thank you for sharing your story; the loss, the anger, pain and crisis of faith. Even more, thank you for sharing your faith that has brought you through to a place of joy! Much love and continued blessings
I’m so sorry about your daughter, Danette – what a horrible loss and no doubt something you carry with you day after day. I was very touched by the sincerity of your comment, and am praying for continued peace in your heart as God uses you and your story to bring healing to those around you.
Thank you for sharing. It took me a long time to realize it was ok to show my real emotions to God and that He already knew how broken I felt.
Same, Tina! My father in law told me & my husband when we first got married, “it’s OKAY to show God you’re angry, sad, frustrated, and mad! It’s okay to express all of that to Him because He gave us emotions and He wants to hear our hearts!” It’s better to cry out to Him than our spouses. Helped me deal with the emotions of being young & married so much when I opened up to the Father!
Beautiful!
Thank you Lord for the Shereadstruth community and their obedience to their mission. I have so needed this study and the honestly if the word on mourning and dancing. I am currently in my 18 month of unexplained infertility and hearing your story gives me hope, and let’s me know that I’m not alone. It’s hard when everyone around you seems to get pregnant without trying and don’t understand infertility. However I am trusting in the one true God and praying his will be done.
Affliction and joy mixed…what a concept. While I’ve started a new job, I’m perplexed as to why I’m struggling and feeling so needy. This neediness feels like it is making me I likable, while all I want is acceptance. Great reminder in his word today, about in my weaknesses He is strong! Be my strength , oh my God!
I will be needing a lot of prayers for my boyfriend today. His dad will be addressing some news towards him that will be hard to hear/accept. Please pray it does not fall on deaf ears and that his heart and mind will be softened. Pray also for strength, for all of us.
Praying for you. I hope it went well through Him!
What. A remarkable. Story. Oh my goodness. Thank you for sharing.
This has been so encouraging. I only wish it was longer than 14 days.
“He’s chosen to weave great joy into deep sorrow. This forces me to wonder if my affliction and physical limitations are somehow God’s kindness to me (2 Corinthians 12:5-10)—constant reminders that my body, this temporal world, and everything in it are fading away.” – Oh my, how I needed these words today! Blessings to you!
http://www.littlelightonahill.com
This study has deeply touched my heart….Thank you all for sharing your stories. I love the content of each of SRT’ s daily readings and the comments add depth to each day’s readings. My husband and I have just returned from Baylor hospital in Dallas and are waiting to see if he will qualify to proceed on the road for a lung transplant. Lots of decisions to be made ahead. This weekend I observed couples just enjoying themselves together and I became jealous and envious of them because for us to just have an evening out to dinner is really a struggle. I want my husband healthy and whole and able to enjoy simple pleasures, like to be able to go fishing. I am trying really hard to trust GOD with the outcome and believing in God for His highest and best for my husband, whatever that is. Thank you SRT for this study.
So good.
“I’ve tried to extricate the good from the seemingly bad, but to no avail. They’re a packaged deal.”
Thank you for those words. It was a light bulb moment for me in understanding the role of lament. Lament is a thing I’ve been learning how to do in the wake of my sister’s unexpected and rather tragic death at the beginning of April. There are so many questions that will never be answered, especially with regards to the circumstances that led up to her death, and I have harbored so much anger towards God and her in these last few months. I know that is completely normal and ok, but it just feels like such shaky ground to be on; aren’t the righteous never shaken, not fearing bad news with their steadfast hearts ever-trusting in the Lord? How can I feel that way when I am so hurt? When the pain feels as though it will overtake me at times and, despite all my pleas for God to intervene in any way, I’m still left sitting with this hurt that will never leave? I want the life I had before April; I want the faith I had before April. It felt so much sturdier, so much fuller. This has knocked me off my feet and flat on my face, and it is unfamiliar territory.
Those words about how pain and loss are a packaged deal with joy and abundance resonated deeply with me tonight. That is lament; it is an acknowledgement that life is all of those things. It isn’t glossing over or downplaying any of it; it is a way to express our feelings about pain and loss and affliction and the confusion they create while still clinging to faith in the God who provides joy and abundance and blessing. It is acknowledging that all of those things are under God’s control but still being honest and saying how much we don’t like it. It is the packaged deal; the lament is necessary for the joy, and vice versa.
Praying for you Nikki, your words resonate with me and my own lament
Nikki, Your words resonated with me also. My world was upended in January…I want the life and faith Bach I had before then too in a way. But, I will say that in the 6 months since I have gotten a lot better. April is so recent and this is your time for mourning. God has done great things for me in the time in eight my crisis and I seem to be able to look forward in hope and trust like I was not sure would be possible.
Praying for your continued strength Nikki; for your faith which is being so tested & tried to come out stronger and more dependent on Christ on the other side of this grief!! & if you need someone to talk to or to lift you up in prayer more specifically, please reach out to me either at [email protected] or on my blog, filmstripsandfairytales.wordpress.com.
Thank you, Kara, for sharing your story. Seeing how God is working in you is so comforting and reminds me that He is working through our weaknesses to bring out His glory.
I’ve really struggled over with my grief over my ex-boyfriend dying in May. All grief is immeasurably painful but when we know the person has gone to be with the Lord, we can find joy. But I don’t know if my ex was a believer. He wasn’t at the time we were dating and we made plenty of mistakes that I’ve had to repent of (having sex, etc.) I hold out hope that he knew God deep down but I’ve really really struggled with his death and not knowing if he’s in heaven or hell. And if he’s in hell, what joy or comfort can come out of his death? The one thing the Lord has been showing me through these questions though is that He is sovereign and all-powerful and holy and we do have a choice. He loves us all but sin cannot enter heaven. It’s given me a more urgent passion to share the gospel.
Today is exactly 3 months that my daughter passed away. Just last night, my husband told me that I should pray for peace. I told him that I did not want to pray for peace, because for me to feel peace then I thought that it meant that I wanted to forget my daughter, or that I was ok with her being gone. After he talked to me and made me realize that what I was thinking was not right, I decided to pray for peace, the peace that only our God can give. Today I spent the entire day at home by myself, and usually I would cry all day. Today, I did not cry and I am still in mourning. I still hurt and feel sad that I don’t have my daughter with me. But I do not feel hopeless and helpless. I feel that God is carrying me in his arms. I have been praying for peace all day, and it is truely working. I don’t feel the heavyness today that I have been feeling. I am about to start nursing school in a few weeks and I need God to free my mind because I need to be able to read and retain what I am reading to get though this program. I would like all my sisters in Christ to pray for me and pray for strength for me. Reading all the different ways we have lost someone in our lives, make me hurt and cry out to God that he comfort all our hearts. I use to tell my daughter all the time, that we may not get what we want in life all the time, but God has the answers and we have to trust that his ways are the right ways and know that everything will work together for our good, for those who love the Lord.
Praying for you. I’m sorry for your loss. He is with you always.
I am praying for you. I cannot imagine what you are going through and my heart aches for you. I pray for you and your husband during this time that you will draw closer together and that God will be glorified. I pray for you as her mother and your heartache that is so deep that God will lift that burden and allow you to breath. I know He will carry your burden if you let Him. He loves you.
Read the book Through the Eyes of a Lion, by Levi Lusko. I just finished it. And it changed my life!! $10 on Amazon. He lost his 5yr old. This is the very very best non fiction I’ve ever read! I’m sorry for your loss. I pray for Gods healing on your heart.
Bernadette,
I am sorry for your loss and I said a prayer for your grief journey. It’s so so so hard. I recommend looking into and finding a grief share group in your area. I’m 10 months from the loss of my daughter, and navigating the mountain of emotions and thoughts and truth and lies we believe in this time is hard. Grief share helped us navigate with the truth of scripture. May the Lord grant you peace.
I lost my son on July 6th of this year. And I have thought the same thing. God knows all things. God knows all of our days before we even live them. He knew my 21 year old son was going to be taken from me, so why did he give him to me? Why did he give him to me to make me hurt so bad now to not have him anymore?
Dear Jeniffer, my heart hurts for you and I am praying for you. But I believe that God gives us free will so that our lives aren’t all mapped out before we are born. But I think that if God had come to you and asked if you would like a child but He can’t guarantee how long you would have him you would have said Yes. Each day, each hour we are given is a gift. Please think of all the wonderful days you had with your son and give your bitterness to God-He can take it. Scream at Him, rail at Him as you mourn. And then I pray that you will feel His arms around you as they have been this whole time. I don’t think there is a greater sorrow than losing a child no matter what their age. But oh what a gift their life was to share with you.
Reading the comments, I couldn’t scroll any longer when I read yours. I felt compelled to reply. First of all, my heart goes out to you for your loss. Even though I have experienced the loss of a child, she was just a month old, so the years of memories and loss just don’t compare. Regardless, one thing I learned in my situation was to put my trust in God that he knows what is best for us. It is just so hard for us to comprehend and understand why these bad things happen to us, especially losing a child. Someday, when we are in heaven and we have gained our heavenly knowledge, we’ll understand, but until then we just need to put our trust in God that he is doing what is best for us. I agree that we read “God knows all of our days before we even live them”, so yes, he knew the days your son had, but he knew it was worth it to send him to you.
When you question why was he given to you, just to be taken away, I guess I would ask you to consider it another way, because that statement, and I’m not trying to be cruel or blunt about it, but it makes it sound like he didn’t have purpose, and I KNOW THAT HE DID. Look at all the lives that your son touched during his 21 years, I’m sure there are many. I can give you a couple of examples on how I know. I also experienced losing my best friend to a car accident when she was 19. I am 44 and I am still impacted by that friendship and what she meant to me. It’s bringing tears to my eyes just thinking about her. Also, last year my son, who was 22 at the time, watched his friend be buried after battling an aggressive brain tumor. That young man is always going to be with us in our hearts and minds. The point is, please don’t question why God seemed to punish you for giving your son to you for a while, just to tear him away. This is going to be hard to do, but try to rejoice in the life that he gave you and the precious gift that your son was. I ask God to help bring you peace at this time of mourning, your loss is so new that as we have read, there is a time for sorrow, but soon, when you’re ready, it will be time to rejoice.
My 7 year old daughter went to be with Jesus 2 weeks ago today. I am experiencing extreme grief. She was a beautiful, vibrant little girl. She had promised to live her life for Him. It doesn’t make sense at all. Out of nowhere last fall she was diagnosed with lymphoma. She fought hard for 9 months and even went into remission, or so they thought. I spent every day and night begging for God to heal her. He chose to, but not on this Earth. That hurts so bad. I wanted it done a different way. It’s not something I will ever be able to understand until Heaven. I know she has touched lives all over this world, but that doesn’t take my pain away. I’m still so thankful for those 7 years we had her and I know God is ok with our questions. I totally feel your pain–why God??! But I also know if He gave me a reason I still couldn’t accept it. I want her here with our family. I just keep begging him to give me peace while I wait to see her again.
Kelly I am doing this study a little late. I am grieved reading of the loss of your daughter. A beautiful life. Praying for you this morning. May God give you peace and bind up your broken heart today. Im sure the days and months will be long so I pray for your tender heart to have endurance. God will fight for you. He sees you, his precious daughter.
I struggle with anxiety. Severe anxiety that at times interferes with my life drastically. I battle with it and I have been very “why me?” lately. I feel weak. The invisibility and the stigma leads me to often hide my battles. As much of a struggle as it is to leave the house and do typical things I also find great joy in mundane activities where I find moments of strength. I have found more joy as I have also found more fear/weakness. It’s so true that it seems our joy and our pain are all tied up together. Thanks for your words today.
It really puts into perspective what really matters. “Though our outer person is wasting away, our inner person is being renewed day by day.” I spend so much time worrying about my outer appearance and how I look and less time on my inner being. That is the only thing we can take with us when we go to heaven. Our outer being will waste away but our inner being will remain. I want to be more intentional about my inner being than my outer being. When trials come, I need to remember that God is renewing me.
This is a needed reminder, Melody. Thanks for sharing today!
xoxo-Kaitlin
Amen Melody!
Kara, I don’t often comment about the readings or devotionals, but this is one of the most poignant, powerful and perfectly descriptive of how God works in our lives that I have ever read. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. I plan to print this, if I can, to carry with me as a reminder of the perfect power of God.
I agree with Lesley, this is powerful! Thank you for sharing.
This brought me to tears friend. The joy and the sorrow were felt at the base of that cross. There’s no separating them.
Paul was given the thorn in his side to keep him humble, to remind him that he simply can’t go it alone! God’s power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9), and that makes complete sense – if Paul could do everything on his own his life would not reflect as much glory to Christ. Paul is strong in his weakness because it is then that he fully surrenders to God, pleading for His help & all the more highlighting the fragile state of humankind & the ever-present, unwavering strength of our Father.
As I get ready to take my precious 8 year old daughter with significant special needs in for another surgery today, this reading could not have been more needed. That joy and pain are not mutually exclusive and all wrapped together in a beautiful mess has been the biggest lesson she and Jesus have continuously taught me since we were blessed to be her parents. We’d appreciate your prayers for a smooth procedure and quick recovery for our Claire Bear.
Sending up a prayer for your sweet Claire
I’m honored to pray for your Claire Bear this morning. Hugs for her and you
Praying you you and your sweet Claire.
Praying for you and your sweet Claire today, Nicky. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
xoxo-Kaitlin
Praying it’s going well! ❤️
Thank you so much for the prayers, it means so much. The surgery went well without complications. She is resting but will be sore for a couple weeks. Hoping her pain improves and incisions heal quickly.
““Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” -2 Corinthians 4:16-18”
I understand this passage so clearly now. I just want to sit with it and go deeper.
When someone is grieving, I struggle with how to comfort them. My brothers best friend lost her young brother recently. My brother didn’t even call her for a week, bc he didn’t know what to say either. She was mad at him for that, rightfully so. Anyway, I felt God telling me to make a grief box for ppl in that situation. So I did. I listed them on etsy. No one has bought one yet, but I trust God. They are like sympathy cards, but better. One even has comforting scriptures in it. http://understoodsilence.etsy.com
How very sweet of you to create grief boxes, as a gentle way to “weep with those who weep”. <3
I *think* it ate my comment so I will try again.
As someone who has been waiting FOUR years for our miracle babies.. this speaks straight to my heart. By the title alone, I knew this would be what I needed to read. I too, choose to praise him in the storm. I am so thankful for this journey (even though I am more than ready for it to be over). Bless you for sharing! SO glad you have your sweet miracle babies.
He heals the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit!
http://www.in-due-time.com
This study could not be more timely. Thank you SRT for following the Spirit’s leading in providing ths now. My mom passed away last October from a two year debilitating illness. My heart grieved those two years. I just learned yesterday that my dad has colon cancer (again) with metastasis to the liver. Earthly prognosis is poor. So the grieving begins again. I am so incredibly grateful, however, for the deep relationship I have with my heavenly Father. There has been and currently is mourning. But my Abba Father brings little joys every day so that there is dancing in my spirit also. He has brought peace to shore up the sorrow. How gracious and generous of Him! He knows our family has long been fractured so He has time and again revealed Himself as the parent I have desired and needed. He is indeed enough. No regrets. Eternal hope. Abiding in Him. SRT, and sweet sisters who share from your own suffering, you are a balm to my soul. I thank Him for all of you.
Churchmouse, thank you for your testimony. I look for your post everyday and am always enlighted and encouraged.
Me,too!
Thank you
Dearest Churchmouse…I, too, look for your words of wisdom and encouragement. I feel as though I know you and enjoy a cup of coffee with you daily. Thank you for being transparent and making your needs known. Now…I will be lifting you up to Jesus as you walk down this path with your family. May you continue to glean blessings on your path.
Sweet sister, I’ll echo my other friends in saying that you have been such an encourager to me during this and other studies. My heart breaks for your loss and the road you face. Your strong faith encourages me and lifts me up. Praying for you!
It is now the sixth day after our mother passed away, and I am struggling. Father, the loss feels so massive, some days I can hardly breathe. Thank you for the time I got to spend with her, forgive me my failures.
Whim, I am so sorry. I lost my dad three years ago and I think of him every single day. I am crying typing this because I see myself in your words– especially when the loss leaves you breathless. It will be hard and there will be times that you will question God, not in anger but wondering why. But know that he is with you EVERY SINGLE STEP. I am so thankful this morning that you are doing this study to help you vent with this sisterhood. One of the things I’m learning with the study is that I never truly allowed myself to grieve my dad’s death, instead burying everything inside me. It’s like a part of me is missing and in a way I find it easier to not deal with the pain. So let it come, sweetie. If you need to cry, cry– it cleanses the soul. The breathing will get better and sometimes the pain will come crashing with unbelievable power. You aren’t alone. Sending big hugs. PS– I hope it’s not weird but if you ever need to talk even if to just vent, feel free to message me. This is my email: [email protected].
I am so sorry for your loss. I know this pain as I lost my mother last year. She went from being an everyday part of my life to being gone. I will say, people kept telling me it will get easier and I wanted to hit someone. I wanted to yell “don’t tell me the loss of my mother will get easier”. I felt bad for being angry. I tried not to cry and bring others down. I tried to focus on the fact that God had blessed me with an awesome mom. And I have to say looking back, although it was hard to say good bye or until we meet again, it doesn’t compare with the pain of learning to live without her. I still find myself talking about her in the present tense. It is not easy. I try to focus on how wonderful she is doing. When she heard “well done my good and faithful servant.” She is with her first child that she never got to hold or even see. And I rest easy know I will see her again.
Amen to that. Knowing that I will see my father again gives me peace when the pain becomes too hard. They are with their Savior and what a wonderful place to be when you think about it!
I understand what you are going though, next month will be a year that I lost my mom also. It hurts really bad to lose your mom, and I thought that I woud never recover from my moms death then my daughter passed away. I felt like I was slapped in the face really hard when my mom passed, and while I was tring to deal with that sting, I then got punched on the other side of my face!! I hate to say it but I said to God, “What’s Next!” What more can he do to hurt me? I had to humble myself and realize that God can give and take away. I just can’t accept the good and not the bad. I have to accept rainy days as well as sunny days. Should I only Love God, when things are going good in my life and not when things are going bad? Should I only love him with I am happy, and everything is the way I want them to be. Am I this spoiled child that kicks and scream and pout and cry when things don’t go my way. Just as I us to tell my daughter that she cannot act that way, I can either. Sometimes things happen to us that forces us to our knees. Life can take a toil on our lives when we don’t have a chose but to surrender and come crawling to our Maker. God is so amazing! I can’t describe him in words. God gives us a small portion of whats really in store for us. Our afflictions on this earth sometimes does not seem light to us. It seems like it is the end of the world that we know. The things that God has in store for us does not compare to anything that we can see or imagine. I am realizing that I have a job to do on this earth, just as I go to work and do a job. But, our real reward is eternal. It is everything that we cannot see. That is where our faith comes in. Believing the things that we cannot see. I am sorry for everyone’s lost. We all have to keep the faith and be patient while we run this race.
I am so sorry for your loss. Saying a prayer for you because I understand. I lost my dad 19 years ago and my brother a year ago, and the thought of it takes my breath away. The Lord is near to you.
I lost my Mom on July 1. Even though she no longer struggles for every breath, I don’t even know how to begin to grieve. The loss is simply overwhelming.
Marilyn, I lost my Mom on April 2. This study is a gift from God. I am still grieving . My encouragement for you is there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Just grieve. Cry out loud , find a good friend to share your thoughts, read your Bible, Cry out to God, whatever you can do to express your sadness. Do not stuff it or pretend you are not grieving. Grieving looks different for each of us. You will slowly uncurl and smile again, soon you will laugh again. You will never forget you Mom , there will always be a piece of your heart torn, but you will live again.
Praying for you Whim- that you feel the Lord’s closeness in these days that are unimaginably hard.
I see and am learning how good and bad are weaved together throughout life; how there will always be two sides to the coin. I married happily to a wonderful man whom everyone loves and adores. He loves people like Jesus does, is generous and kind. However he deals with addiction. I keep praying for the Lord to deliver him and I know I will see it, as he is currently in the process of staying clean. Fear grips my heart at every turn, wondering if he will go back. But God is faithful to finish what He starts. *Sigh* two sides to every coin…
Jessica, I am in the same situation, but separated. I know exactly what you mean when you say that “fear grips your heart at every turn.” Fear he will turn back, fear I will be used again, fear that I won’t be protected. “God is near to the broken-hearted.” Some days I cling to this promise, and some days I forgo trust in God and try to work out my own security and self-worth. The truth is that I have plenty of my own idols, and God is using my husband’s addiction to break those idols… My worth, beauty and security should have been in Him all along. I don’t know your story, but my heart breaks for you and I think I understand a little (or a lot) of what you’re going through. God is your Creator….He made you and knows your heart, your fears, your desires. Jesus knew what it was like to be rejected for other things. He knew the searing pain of betrayal by the closest friend. He valued you so highly that He sacrificed himself for you. The Holy Spirit is your Comforter and Guide. He will minister to your heart and give you wisdom. I pray these truths even on days I don’t believe them, because they are a constant truth even when I don’t feel like they are true. Praying for faith, comfort, and refuge in God for you today.
I’m late in on this one, but I just read what you said and wanted to cry.
Recently my husband and I separated because of things out of my control. He is battling the enemy too. My trust should have been in The Lord all along. My security blanket has been stripped away and all I have to cling to is God. How painful and beautiful it is at the same time.
So many of these stories of loss seem to revolve around loss of children and pregnancy. My husband and I have been on our own journey for 9 years. I wrote about our journey here and hope if anyone else is struggling this may bring some healing. https://journeylite.wordpress.com/
Blessings.
Start in August 2015 to start at the beginning
Yesterday I was reading the story of Jesus healing the possessed boy in Mark 9:14-29. Today as I read the passage from Mark 1, I could not help but contrast the words of the leper with the words of the boy’s father as they approached Jesus to ask for healing. The leper said, “If you are willing, you can make me clean.” (Mark 1:40) while the boy’s father said, “If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” (Mark 9:22). When I read this, I responded in the same incredulous way that Jesus did in verse 23: “If you can?!” How could this man say that to Jesus, who is God himself and is able to do more than anything we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). The leper ‘s faith and belief in this promise is obvious in the way he approaches Jesus. He doesn’t say “if you can” but “if you are willing.”
However, in the middle of those thoughts, God convicted me. Many times as I approach him in prayer and ask for healing and deliverance, I am the boy’s father. I pray with an “if you can” attitude instead of an “if you are willing” attitude. Lord, I believe you can do all things. Please help me overcome my unbelief today (Mark 9:24). Strengthen my faith like that of the leper in Mark 1 and bring healing to the lives of my loved ones according to your perfect will and purpose. Amen.
beautiful thoughts and reflection!
Hi Kara, two days in to my husband’s diagnosis with MS, this was exactly what I needed to hear. The Lord spoke straight to my heart, through you. Thank you. We are learning to praise him in this storm.
Eve, I’m grateful God used these words to encourage you. Praying that God’s Word would continue to be your strength. Love to you, friend.
xoxo-Kaitlin
I also love the passage in 1 Corinthians. Thank you Lord for your hope.
amen!
Thank you for sharing this wisdom, and your pain. You’ve brought clarity where there was lack of understanding.
This was beautiful. I love 1 Corinthians 4:16-18. Because it reminds me that no matter how fierce and never ending a trial feels, it truly is only temporary and light.