Weeping and Rejoicing with Others
Open Your Bible
Psalm 22:24, John 11:28-44, 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, Matthew 11:28, Romans 12:12-15, Hebrews 10:24-25, 2 Corinthians 1:3-7
BY Claire Gibson
I stood with the other guests, sandals planted in the grass, finger pressed to the top of a can of Silly String, waiting in anticipation to see what emerged from the tip of the spout. Blue or pink? Blue or pink?
Time and time again for the previous eighteen months, my husband and I had experienced a similar suspense in the privacy of our own home, waiting for the results. One line or two? One line or two? But there were no shouts of joy or photos taken. No blue Silly String raining down on our heads. Just the sound of plastic hitting the bottom of a trash can as another month closed on our dreams.
As our friends learned they would soon welcome a baby boy, I grabbed my husband’s hand and dragged him through their master bedroom, bathroom, and into the closet—not totally weird, since this particular gender reveal also doubled as a housewarming party. The place still smelled like paint. In my friends’ walk-in closet, shoes lined shelves on the left and right, all in perfect rows. Without warning, I began to sob, crumbling into my husband’s shoulder, laughing and crying at the same time as I realized I wanted everything they have.
I’m not sure I know how to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. All too often, I do it all backwards, because this life is really, really hard, and I’m just barely keeping it together. I find I’m detached when others weep, never quite sure what to say or how to make it better. And I’m sad to say I’m jealous when others rejoice, disappointed with my own circumstances.
I’m even worse with my own pain, minimizing it because I don’t want to burden other people. Downplaying my successes because I don’t want to seem vain or selfish. And God’s call to walk alongside others in their deepest sorrow and joy seems almost impossible (Romans 12:12–15). So for better or for worse, I fake it the best I can, hoping that someday my feelings will catch up to my actions.
But I think God wants so much more than for me to ignore my emotions. And He is most definitely not asking me to “fake it ‘til I make it.” He’s calling me to real emotion—to the odd, uncomfortable reality of holding grief and joy at the same time, without minimizing either experience, naming the good, the bad, and the ugly. This means allowing myself to feel the depth of my pain, so that, when the time comes, I will know what it means to grieve with my friends.
Being honest and vulnerable with our emotions isn’t easy. But ultimately, if we are real with Him—and with each other—every grief and every joy can transform into a glimpse of redemption. If I let it happen, every affliction can give me a greater capacity to care for and understand someone else’s pain. Every joy I allow myself to fully experience can give me a greater capacity to dance at someone else’s wedding.
In 2017, we brought home our son through adoption; we are writing a new story from many broken pieces. And yet, our journey with infertility is not over. Our bodies still don’t do what others can. But I’m learning that Christ is the ultimate empathizer. No one weeps with us and rejoices with us like He does. “For as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so our comfort overflows through Christ” (2 Corinthians 1:5).
169 thoughts on "Weeping and Rejoicing with Others"
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Woahhhh. This almost eerily spoke to me, Claire. Thank you so much for this. My ultimate goal in life is psychiatry, but honestly I have always had an awfully hard time weeping with others, as you said, I get kind of awkward. I really don’t like that I’m like that, especially with the field I want to go into. However, I also minimize my own emotions. And I have gone through SO many trials in life. So many opportunities daily to really FEEL. You made me realize I need to take advantage of them. The trials God is putting me through now, will enable me to truly help others in the future. I can “feel” with them. Thank you for this transformative devotional Claire!!
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This text really spoke to me this morning. During this entire summer I have had a hard time letting my emotions be seen. I lost my grandpa a couple months back and I could never let myself show emotion in public about it. I would wait until I was in my room and I would cry and cry until there were no tears left. This is something I pray about constantly. I want to let other people in but I’m just so use to pushing people away when I get emotional.
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This post was, in a way the affirmation of things that I’ve been struggling to overcome. Recently a close friend’s mom passed away and I felt guilty about weeping and mourning because I had never even met her mom, I didn’t feel it was my place. I have also had a hard time naming my emotions and fully experiencing them, preferring to not give them the credit they deserve. This particular reading was great in helping to affirm that it is okay for me to feel and express all my emotions, even when I feel bad about them, and those in turn can help me weep louder and rejoice greater with my friends.
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Thank you for sharing this.
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I love your honesty. I love that you are transparent. Your courageous sharing helps others realize we do the same thing in our lives.
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I love this so much. My boyfriend who was 25 passed away last summer. Losing him was harder than anything I’ve experienced , and having so many friends who are married, engaged, or happily in a relationship doesn’t make it any easier. Wedding after wedding I’ve attended I can’t help but to think that was going to be us as he was going to propose soon, or seeing couples on Facebook happy like we were, or just hearing a friend talk about her boyfriend like how I once did were daily reminders of everything I lost. It’s so hard and very heartbreaking. It’s also difficult when a friend goes through a break up and confides in me. As much as I hate to admit, sometimes I have this selfish part of me that is consistently thinking, “well at least he is still alive.” But I have buried my face into God’s word and I have felt His presence more the past few months than any other time in my life. I’m overcoming my depression and letting go of everything and focusing on just trusting in Him. Death is hard but with the help of friends, mentors, and great studies like these I can better see the light in such darkness. Thank you ❤️
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Thank you
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I started reading this study because we lost our 2nd son at 17 weeks pregnant 2 weeks ago. My 1st pregnancy ended in miscarriage and our son has Down Syndrome. Our son is amazing, but Im 0-3 for healthy pregnancies. So many friends have just had babies, are pregnant, or just have 3-4 healthy kids and I just don’t understand why God isn’t allowing us to have that. I’m not rejoicing with others, but want to run to the closet too. I’m trusting that God is good and He has a plan for this, but it’s hard. Today’s message really helps.
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Emily, praying for you in this difficult season. Thank you for sharing with us and letting us know how to specifically pray for you.
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Emily, I started this study after a year that lead to two miscarriages and the death of my older brother. I also struggle with rejoicing with my friends in there successful pregnancies, but I know we serve a God that sees the big picture even when we don’t. I prayed for you this morning ❤
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Praying for you Emily… I don’t know why God allow these things to happen neither. I found out some months ago that I carry a genetic disorder that can cause severe intelectual problems in my children. To avoid that, we started a journey with IVF but because of the same problem I have low reserve ovarian and I got only one egg which we found out yesterday it didn’t make to the stage we needed to be tested… we’re gonna do it again, how many times we need. I want to have a baby so bad. I’ve been dreaming with this time my entire life and now this… Im the kinda person that wants to stay home caring for my family, raising my kids myself with all my love, but I just don’t see it happening right now. I see people that don’t even believe in God having kids, or parents that don’t appreciate their children, or healthy couples that don’t even wanna have kids… and I’m here hopeless, fearing the fact that I might never have kids of my own… it just doesn’t feel fair. I know He has a plan for everything and nothing is impossible for him, but I’m hopeless right now.
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Oh dear sweet Julia! While I have never walked down that road I am still single and I’ll be 27 tomorrow. My biggest dream since I’ve been a young girl is to be married and raise a large family. I thought surely by the time I was 21 (and that was stretching it) I would be married with at least one precious baby. And here I am, way past that age range and still not seeing the fulfillment of my heart cry!
It hasn’t been an easy road. I’ve struggled with bitterness, hopelessness and the realization that I had let this holy dream God placed in my heart become an idol that I regarded higher than God himself.I can’t answer all of your questions but I can cry with you as we sit the unknown and trust that God is who He says He is even when He withholds what we feel like we need. May The pursuit of our relationship with Him become our all consuming desire.
And right here, right now, in this moment, in this hopelessness you feel. I can tell you this : you are loved! More than you can imagine. More than you can believe. By a perfect love that casts out fear. Nothing can separate you! Nothing! He loves you Julia! And in the midst of your pain He holds you in nail scarred hands and cries with you because He knows the pain of loss too.So many prayers & tears for you my Dear Sister in Christ!
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I read this out of duty, feeling weary with life, knowing that I want lots that just isn’t possible right now, and knowing that well-meaning friends will tell me to try this or that. I hate going to church as it’s superficial with nice people and nice lives who don’t want to hear my pain and anger, but ironically it’s the one place that I want to be real, if only I could! I’m so glad that God can cope with the depth of my confusion/pain/frustration/weariness.
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Keep trying different churches – you will find those real people you seek
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This was beautiful!
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