Weeping and Rejoicing with Others
Open Your Bible
Psalm 22:24, John 11:28-44, 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, Matthew 11:28, Romans 12:12-15, Hebrews 10:24-25, 2 Corinthians 1:3-7
BY Claire Gibson
I stood with the other guests, sandals planted in the grass, finger pressed to the top of a can of Silly String, waiting in anticipation to see what emerged from the tip of the spout. Blue or pink? Blue or pink?
Time and time again for the previous eighteen months, my husband and I had experienced a similar suspense in the privacy of our own home, waiting for the results. One line or two? One line or two? But there were no shouts of joy or photos taken. No blue Silly String raining down on our heads. Just the sound of plastic hitting the bottom of a trash can as another month closed on our dreams.
As our friends learned they would soon welcome a baby boy, I grabbed my husband’s hand and dragged him through their master bedroom, bathroom, and into the closet—not totally weird, since this particular gender reveal also doubled as a housewarming party. The place still smelled like paint. In my friends’ walk-in closet, shoes lined shelves on the left and right, all in perfect rows. Without warning, I began to sob, crumbling into my husband’s shoulder, laughing and crying at the same time as I realized I wanted everything they have.
I’m not sure I know how to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. All too often, I do it all backwards, because this life is really, really hard, and I’m just barely keeping it together. I find I’m detached when others weep, never quite sure what to say or how to make it better. And I’m sad to say I’m jealous when others rejoice, disappointed with my own circumstances.
I’m even worse with my own pain, minimizing it because I don’t want to burden other people. Downplaying my successes because I don’t want to seem vain or selfish. And God’s call to walk alongside others in their deepest sorrow and joy seems almost impossible (Romans 12:12–15). So for better or for worse, I fake it the best I can, hoping that someday my feelings will catch up to my actions.
But I think God wants so much more than for me to ignore my emotions. And He is most definitely not asking me to “fake it ‘til I make it.” He’s calling me to real emotion—to the odd, uncomfortable reality of holding grief and joy at the same time, without minimizing either experience, naming the good, the bad, and the ugly. This means allowing myself to feel the depth of my pain, so that, when the time comes, I will know what it means to grieve with my friends.
Being honest and vulnerable with our emotions isn’t easy. But ultimately, if we are real with Him—and with each other—every grief and every joy can transform into a glimpse of redemption. If I let it happen, every affliction can give me a greater capacity to care for and understand someone else’s pain. Every joy I allow myself to fully experience can give me a greater capacity to dance at someone else’s wedding.
In 2017, we brought home our son through adoption; we are writing a new story from many broken pieces. And yet, our journey with infertility is not over. Our bodies still don’t do what others can. But I’m learning that Christ is the ultimate empathizer. No one weeps with us and rejoices with us like He does. “For as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so our comfort overflows through Christ” (2 Corinthians 1:5).
169 thoughts on "Weeping and Rejoicing with Others"
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I have never thought of Jesus as the ultimate empathizer. But I know that He is. Lord, help me to be more like You – for your glory. Amen.
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It was a tough, humbling lesson to learn. So often I had trouble weeping and rejoicing with others because of the sin of comparison. How did my life line up in comparison to theirs? Did they have more and better compared to my lack and loss? I couldn’t focus on their sorrow or their joy because I was busy comparing it to my own. In my quiet time one morning, God called me up short with one question : What kind of ‘friend’ is that? There was only one honest answer : a very self centered one. Not the kind of friend I wanted to be or would want for myself. Humbled by my best Friend, I leaned in to His Word to be still. Be still in the midst of weeping and rejoicing, whether it was mine or someone else’s. Be still and know that He is the God of all comfort. Be still and know that He is the God of abundant generosity. I can choose to be still and know that He is that kind of God for all His children. I can be still. And I can be the friend who weeps and rejoices with others because I know the God who is in control of both.
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I have posted this before, but my baby was stillborn. I knew of God and went to a Catholic Church growing up, but I didn’t really know Him or His Word. Her death led me to a new church, and God used a woman to tell me to run to God and not away. I was so devastated at her death. I imagined all the things she would never do. Then, I learned about Jesus. She is in Heaven and in God’s Presence where there is fullness of joy and laughter! My daughter may have never taken a breath, but she led me to learn about our Savior. I’ve been able to help and comfort others that go through this pain. Every life has a purpose and this includes our babies that passed away. The scripture that talks about Jesus being our High Priest that isn’t unfamiliar with our temptations or pain brings me comfort. Jesus understands. I imagine that He saw and felt every sin when He was on the Cross. He knows what death felt like and He knows what we are going through. Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus. He saw the sting and pain of death in Mary’s tears. As Kaitlin says above: Christ is the ultimate empathizer. No one weeps or rejoices with us like He does. May God comfort all those mourning in any way today. May they receive peace and hope in the midst of pain. Please let us all turn our eyes on our Savior today and remember His love. I was thinking of this song today: https://youtu.be/-c6pl6CaiD0
Life can be so hard, but this song is a good reminder of whom we serve and what is to come.
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I can really relate to this, thank you. ❤️
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Thank you for sharing this… yesterday I had surgery to remove a tubal pregnancy as well as the fallopian tube itself. My husband and I lost our first pregnancy to miscarriage this spring, and we were so excited about being given the gift of life again when we discovered I was pregnant last month.
I have several pregnant friends and family members right now, and I will be around more pregnant bellies over the holidays. I am struggling to “rejoice with those who rejoice” because our loss feels so raw and unfair. I hear women joke about how quickly they get pregnant or hear them bemoan a “surprise” pregnancy, and in my heart I cry, “Why, God?!” I’ve been asking the Lord what He is wanting to teach me in this season, and I’m still unsure what that is. But I don’t want to lose faith or lose hope that He can turn our sorrow into joy. Blessings to all you other hurting women out there…
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Just thank you for your words.
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This really spoke to me, to read the advantages of emotions is something I think I really needed.
The reason I committed myself to God was because of a dark time in my life when I was trying to get better on my own and keeping my emotions from those around me. At the lowest moment, when everything was going wrong, I could feel Him with me telling me that He knew how lost I felt.
I have found myself in another difficult time in my life, but this time my emotions have completely taken over and I just can’t hide them from anyone anymore. I cry more now as an adult than I think I ever did as a kid, any intense emotion sets me off, even happy ones and I can’t holdback the tears. I find myself laughing and crying all within the span of a minute and it feels crazy. But I also notice how much more I feel the people around me and can empathize with them. I think this makes me kinder than I used to be, less judgmental then I’ve ever been, closer to God in ways that only He can ever know. -
I have walked this road too. I do have a child now, praise God, but I still bear the scars of the trying & failing & then ultimately losing 2 babies as well. I will never forget it. But I also realise that the experience has equipped me to give comfort & to empathise in a way I could never do before, with those who are walking that road. The Lord did a great work in my life – giving me my daughter, yes, but more importantly in bringing me ever closer to Him & in giving me the comfort I received from Him to pass on to others.
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Urg, infertility is so hard on ones faith.
It questions everything you thought you knew.
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After four years of infertility and many failed cycles and a failed IVF I have had so many tears and so many questions of why God wont give me children. I have been hopeless as I watched everyone else fall pregnant, more then once.
But God reminds me that He is doing a good work in me and that it will come to fruition in his timing.
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#infertilitysucks but #heisagoodgoodfather
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Trusting with you emily as we walk this road of tears and joy.
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