Scripture Reading: Luke 5:1-39, Isaiah 6:1-8, Acts 4:13
I’m pretty sure I responded to my first speaking invitation with some form of “over my dead body.” In fact, I think I said those exact words.
It was just a few months after my first book released, and a bubbly woman at church asked if I’d consider going to California to speak at a women’s event at her home church. I think I said, “Listen, I don’t want to say ‘over my dead body,’ but I really think everyone has different gifts. I love writing about Jesus, but speaking is not my thing. So, with so much love, over my dead body.”
Yeah. That’s what I said. I didn’t say I’d take time to pray about it. I didn’t thoughtfully consider this opportunity for ministry. It was a knee-jerk, hard no for me. I knew myself. I knew I didn’t feel called or qualified or have the slightest desire to stand behind a microphone and say words to people. Therefore, “over my dead body” it was.
It makes me laugh to remember it now, because shortly after that instant no, the Holy Spirit convicted me. He quickly and kindly revealed that my resistance was rooted in fear of people, in selfishness, and in disobedience. I was being invited to talk about Jesus, and I was saying no because I was thinking about me.
If there’s one thing today’s passages remind us of, it’s that God has never made a habit of choosing the people who feel most qualified.
When Peter witnessed the miraculous catch of fish, he didn’t think, Boom. Nailed it. You’re welcome, Jesus. No, he fell at Jesus’s knees and said, “Go away from me, because I’m a sinful man, Lord!” (Luke 5:8). Isaiah had the same response. Standing before the perfect holy God, he shouted in anguish, “Woe is me!” (Isaiah 6:5). That basically translates to, “I should be dead right now. I am unworthy…” but in all caps.
Yet in both stories, God didn’t dismiss their inadequacy. He met it with grace. Jesus told Peter, “Don’t be afraid…From now on, you will be catching people” (Luke 5:10). God cleansed Isaiah’s lips and forgave his sin, then used him as His messenger (Isaiah 6:7–8).
God has never been looking for the polished or impressive. He’s looking for people willing to follow, even if it feels a little like “over my dead body.”
I think about that conversation with the bubbly church lady often. Not because I’ve become a super-confident speaker but because the Lord used her to expose my fear and re-center my heart on Him. “If someone is asking you to share what I’ve done for you,” He seemed to whisper, “why would you say no?”
I’ve been speaking about Jesus for almost a decade now, and it’s still uncomfortable. But it’s become one of my favorite things. Not because I feel qualified but because I know I’m not.
Over and over, God takes ordinary, hesitant people and draws them into His joyful work. He provides the message, He puts the fish in the net, and He gets the glory. What is He inviting you into? I hope you’ll say yes.
Written by Scarlet Hiltibidal
