Join us for Day 31 of Soul Detox and then join us for discussion and community in the comments below!
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34 thoughts on "Day 31"
Day 31
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34 thoughts on "Day 31"
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Wow! I was strongly convicteded by verse 15: Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life.
My husband and I do not have a relationship with my father-in-law. He's done some things that have just caused us to say no more. We didn't want that type of toxic person influencing our four kids. I think it's perfectly ok to remove ourselves from toxic relationships, even when it's family in this type of circumstance, but I am convicted about how I have let it get to me. We could love him from a distance, but I have actually said the words, "I hate him." Lord, forgive me for this. While I don't think he needs to be a part of our lives based on what he has done, I can't hate him anymore. I don't want to be committing murder in my heart. I don't want to be separated from God. I don't want to be toxic to my husband or kids!
Kjshepp, Thank you!! I had the same questions rolling around in my head! Im glad to see it spelled out before me, it helps to know this. I never heard of that site, I WILL be utilizing it here on out! :)
Toxic relationships for me are negative and controlling. Funny how I see them more in my family (siblings and parents) verses directly in me! proof of my own sin!
I got bogged down in the language in todays verses, specifically vs. 6 and 9 "everyone who remains in Him does not sin" and "everyone who is born of God does not sin . . .he is not able to sin"
Logically I know this can not be literally true. I am "born again" and I sin. So then how exactly am I suppose to take these verses. and maybe more importantly how do I explain them to my children? Do I try to balance it with other scriptures? or seek the wider context for what John is saying?
Is wasn't enough for me to "assume" my thoughts are right on this, so I went to the trusty "biblecommenter.com" and found Barnes commentary very helpful to me. In short he explains:
1. He who is born again does not sin habitually
2. He who is born again does not do wrong deliberately and by design.
3. He who is born again will not sin finally, or will not fall away, "His seed remains in Him"
Now more chewing on this "negative" and "controlling" part of me . . . .both sinning myself, and causing others to sin
@EmilyC I agree with you about tempters. It is especially tricky when Christians are the culprits.
@Ellen MR Praise God!
@Sue and Carly Youare in my prayers.
What types of toxic relationships do you currently have more of in your life? Oh, I feel that I shouldn't even be posting after reading some of the things you dear sisters deal with many times on a daily basis. I guess the one plus of not having many friends or people to interact with is that you don't have any toxic relationships. I have to say I am greatly blessed with the family situation. My mom and dad are awesome Christians and so often keep me in check. Hubby is a great people person, but can occasionally be negative or down with his work. Mostly though he is really quiet when he gets like that and I don't hear him complain much at all! We have no kids, and I currently do not work outside the home, so I do not have toxic relationships there. I really only have one friend outside of church. She occasionally can be negative but I understand that it is mostly because she is in pain. I don't really have many people at church that I actually socialize with. It's a pretty small church. Most of my relationships are on Facebook. So I guess I would say negativity is the thing I deal with the most and that is really not much at all. But I know that I can allow "things" like Facebook or TV shows I watch become tempting to me. As was mentioned yesterday, we do need to count these things as "relationships" too as they can be just as detrimental to our walk with Christ. I know personally that I have to work on not being controlling. I have that personality and as an older child can find myself being quite "bossy" at times! Especially with the hubby! I also was struck by that first verse, "How great is the love the Father has lavished upon us!!" And to think I am known as the DAUGHTER of the KING!! I pray that I am living like that! :)
Thank you so much JuneBug! It really is cause for celebration- he’s happy, I’m happy we found a “home” church!! :)
For me, today, the verses that stood out were 4-6: "Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. But you know that He appeared so that He might take away our sins. And in Him is no sin. No one who lives in Him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen Him or known Him."
The toxin I often spew to others is a judgmental attitude. There seems to be a hierarchy of sins in my mind: my lies are down here on the scale, but your drunkenness is way up there… or my adultery is here and your homosexuality is here… your gambling is like about here and his illegal drug use is here, but that murder, well…
John plainly states that sin is sin, no matter what personal category I may try to use to classify; and Christ died to remove the stain of all. Father, remind me today that I am just a sinner, saved by grace. And, but for the grace of God, there go I.
I’d have to say I have all 3 types! As I’m changing
my ways, I still have these folks around me. Of course not all relationships are disposable, but I can let go of detrimental ones. I also know I’ve been all 3 to other people thru out my life! Ugh!
Not something to be proud of. I try to be a “my cup is half full ” person too, and negative people drive me crazy. My son is struggling as I’ve said, and he’s getting more negative by the day! Everyone and everything is a let down for him right now. The ONE positive comment I’ve gotten out of him lately is he ACTUALLY LIKED youth group at church last Sunday!! Yay! A miracle considering I had to drag him with! I’ve been looking for a church for quite awhile, and I’m thinking we may have found where we are supposed to be….
Verse 6 spoke to me today. “Those who live in Christ don’t go on sinning. Those who go on sinning haven’t seen or known Christ.” GWT
It goes along with what I believe and also reinforces the need to let go of those relationships
that aren’t good for me as a new believer. You can’t have it both ways. Its that simple!
Have a great day Sisters! Blessings! :)
Celebrating with you about your son! One positive step of many to come. Thank you Lord! Praying for the rest to come together soon.
I can see how all 3 types of toxic relationships have affected my life at different times. I feel the most affected by the toxic controllers though. They are usually the relationships that are the closest to me. This may mean that I have to look at my own life and ask the tough question.
Why do the people closest to me feel the need to control? And why does it affect me so strongly? Is there an issue of control (negativity/temptation) in ME that I need to deal with first? God often uses these relationships as an illustration of how I try control my own circumstances instead of trust Him.
I'm checking in with myself about this today.
I am currently in college and live with 8 female roommates, and I certainly struggle with my temper with a few of them. I get so fed up with their selfishness and lack of caring for other human beings. Occasionally, I have received passive aggressive texts from one of these girls, and find myself getting involved in the pointless drama only because of my bad temper. But it's then when I realize, I'm just as bad as her! I'll start comparing these girls to my other friends as school who are so generous and loving, and I become frustrated that I somehow ended up with these selfish roommates.
One of the phrases that stuck out to me in today's reading is "My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth." As much as I talk about loving others, I find it difficult to actively love those who push my buttons. But God didn't say "Love everyone…except your one roommate who isn't very nice." I only live with these girls for a few more months, but until then I need to find a way to be positive and loving when I'm at home–regardless of others' behavior. Please pray that I have the strength to do this.
I once read, "The enduring truth of Christianity is to love the people the world sets up as your enemies." What a challenge!
Carly, this can be so hard. I will pray.
What types of toxic relationships do you currently have more of in your life? I'd say negative and tempter for sure. I think it's also noteworthy to say tempters can be Christians, too. They might tempt you to do things that aren't necessarily wrong, or sinful, but definitely not beneficial or heathy for your relationship with Christ or others.
Having been around an emotional/psychological controller before, I've learned the signs of how they manipulate and make you feel bad when you're different from them, and I've learned to avoid that behavior in others and those toxic people.
Today's scripture is one to memorize…what an amazing love God has for us! My toxic relationships are definitely negative. My family and friends can be so negative sometimes and it just drives me crazy! I have always been a "glass half full" type of person…to the point that it drives my family and friends crazy. Even if it's a small thing, I always try to see the positive in it. I think this stems from the fact that I can get really worked up and anxious when I focus on the negative, so I strive to never do that! Try and stay positive…the mind is such a powerful thing!
I just need to keep staying positive in the midst of the negative people in my life and hope it wears off…leading them away from negativity and keeping me in the positive light!
My toxic biggies, as I mentioned in some replies, are negatives and temper. my husband and some co-workers can be negative, and my husband does have a temper. part of it is due to his seizure disorder. the thought that I could be toxic… Ouch! I know that it is true, though. lord, I do not want to be that way. And the verses about loving with actions… I hear about loving one another, and it sounds great. Oh yes, I want to do this, but do I? John really puts it in perspective here. laying down one's life? giving of material things when someone is in need, instead of just saying, "I'll pray for you." Ouch1 I need a lot of work in this area.
I tend to be drawn to controllers, but currently the big toxin is negativity. Both of my kids are tremendously negative. (Wonder how they learned that…?). Seriously, I was quite negative while they were growing up and their dad is more negative than that. So now they reflect that. All I can do now is continue to pray for them and for me. I’m so grateful that Jesus loves me despite me!
Wow!!! Today's question sure hit close to home for me today. Not sure where to start since I had a mind blowing negative attitude yesterday! I got so angry at my coworker that I hate myself for it! A headache followed the episode all thru the my night. I have asked forgiveness from the lord and to please show me how to deal with her. I could sure use some extra prayers in helping me deal with this. I am a person who doesn't like confrontation, so I tend to internalize things and make excuses for others. After 10 months of this I have become sooooo negative towards her. Not always, but some days I just want to quit my job so I don't have to deal with her anymore. I try to be a beacon of light as the lord wants me to. I feel like I fail when I am around her.
I will pray. I so beat myself also when I succumb to this kind of thing. We just have to remember that god still loves us just the same and ot move forward.
Thank you so much for praying for me….I with Gods help I can do all things!
Prayers for you, Sue! Prayers that God will give you patience, peace & grace. For what it's worth, when I have negative attitudes towards certain people in my life, I try to think how miserable their life is, &/or has been, to cause them to behave so horribly. And then I pray that all the good things I want in my own life (peace, love, kidness, etc.) be bestowed upon them and thay they're hearts be softened towards God. Not saying I can always get there…but when I remember to ask for Holy Spirit's help, I'm able to let the negative emotions go.
So thankful for your kind words of wisdom and advice!
What types of toxic relationships? Negative for sure! My husband and my mother are so negative and critical of everything! It drives me crazy! And i find myself letting their negativity weigh me down like a bag of rocks on my shoulders. When it gets really bad, I just cry out to the Father to show ms grace and give me the strength to show them grace, with my mom, I can just keep my distance for a few days, but with my husband. . .I just have to keep focused on my relationship with God, take care of the business He has set before me and let Him handle the rest. And I am confident that He has it covered!
Yes u are right just cry out to our father and he says his grace is sufficient when u are weak
Oh I am so with you! Yes, my husband can be very cynical and negative sometimes. he also has a temper when things don't go his way. he feels badly for it later, but it's there, nonetheless. any tips on how to keep that focus? I know I have trouble with that sometimes.
I have this situation with my mother and my husband, my mother I keep my distance, with my husband, when I find myself at wits end, the only thing to do is pray, because I've learned you cannot convince them to change or that they are acting ungodly and should check themselves.
Yeah I learned that the hard way. he is a christian and so I have tried to point it out to him, but he gets defensive and says I am being self-righteous. I won't make that mistake again. yes I think you are right. Pray, pray, pray! I'm glad we can support each other in this.
I think what has really helped me inn this is that a friend of mine said she read in a devotional that maybe marriage wasnt meant to make us happy but to make us holy. I still struggle but I find myself getting less resentful because I am training myself to take every thought captive. When I start getting upset, I try, key word being try, to pray right then and refocus on the love God has for me and the task He has set before me. Doesn't always work. I find myself getting down and sad and discouraged but I know God is at work because those times aren't as long as they used to be. And I am starting to see small changes in my husband even! Our Father is still a God of miracles!
I'm glad that I'm not alone with my hubs and my moms negative chatter. Thank you for sharing! I, too, struggle to know what to do. It's especially hurtful when the negativity turns on me. How tempting it is to allow myself to harden my heart towards the ones that hurt me. But God continually calls me to wash it over with love. I know that I cannot change another person. That's God's job. So, I'm with you…praying.
Good morning, ladies! I just finished up reading yesterday’s posts (as well as this morning’s). It helps so much seeing what y’all have to say! I didn’t get around to posting anything last night myself. But I did do the devotional.
Toxic relationships! The kind I have more of in my life, I guess, would be negative relationships. They’re mostly at work–just having to deal with the perpetual negativity and complaining that goes on sure can be a challenge!
So it’s great to have this devotional-and all everyone’s-comments to remind me how I want to be (and only can only be) with the Lord’s help. Have a blessed day, ladies!
Today I feel blown away by the love God showed me through 1 John 3. He loves me, he knows me better than I know myself, and I he calls me his daughter! I pray God teaches me to love others how he loves me. I feel overwhelmed by God's love today.
What types of toxic relationships do you currently have more of in your life?
Right now, I'd say negative. I think I've mentioned before that I am a teacher. The profession isn't what it was when I first started. Now, there is more red tape, more emphasis on test scores, and more time spent of fluffing up 21 point lesson plans rather than focusing on what called me to the profession. I have a principal who is tough as nails. She is all about the numbers. I respect her because with her you know exactly what you are getting. She is hard, but gets results. I do my job and she leaves me in peace… But I work with staff that want to spend their time pointing out all the negatives of working for her rather than looking at the positives of what we do in the lives of children everyday. I do find myself get roped into bashing conversations, immediately trying to find a way out without compromising my beliefs! It is a never ending battle…
I am iwth you here. I get drawn into some negative comments from co-workers, about customers or aabout other things. not good.
What types of toxic relationships do you currently have more of in your life?
I would have to say tempers.
I thank God this day for His faithful that He loves me enough to make provision for me. He has set a plan in motion that provides for me a way to live life and to live it abundantly.
As I stated yesterday, “yes, I am my brother’s (sister’s) keeper!” I am responsible for my behavior and am also responsible that I do not let others behaviors rub off on me.
Like Abraham, I am blessed to be a blessing. Have a prosperous day my Sisters in Christ.