I have a favorite sin.
I want so badly to hate it, and sometimes I do. When I see its effects on the people I love, when I’m granted an objective view of its effects on my own heart, when I remember how utterly contrary to the gospel it is—those are the times my sin brings me to my knees. But on most days, any average, busy day, I ignore it. Not only that, I tend to it under the radar, taking care to subtly stoke its flame.
It’s the sin of self-absorption.
There are flashier sins out there, and I have plenty of those to repent of too. But my bent to only see the world as relative to me—what I think, what I need, what I hope, what I believe—has single-handedly caused more collateral damage than most of those other sins put together.
It is the sin I’ve used to belittle my children,
putting my need for space and silence before their need for love and listening.
It is the sin I’ve used to put off my friends,
glossing over their hurts and hard spots in favor of redirecting their eyes to my own.
It is the sin I’ve used to not love my neighbors,
ignoring instead of listening, choosing indifference over engagement.
It is the sin I’ve used to quench the Holy Spirit,
looking past conviction and clutching harder to my idols.
These aren’t just phrases on a screen. These are real choices made in real relationships with real people—people I’ve hurt in large and small ways when I cling to the shards of my shattered self instead of embracing the life Christ calls me to live. There are wounds I can’t mend, moments I can’t get back, words I can’t rewind. My sin is deep. My heart aches to think of the vastness of things done and left undone.
Scripture says the Lord examines our hearts. All manner of our sins are known to Him. And our holy God, knowing every ounce of our sin, must “give to each according to his way, according to what his actions deserve” (Jeremiah 17:10). And He did. But Christ intervened, taking the Father’s holy wrath on Himself.
When Christ went to the cross, He wore the dirty rags of my attempts at righteousness, the stench of my selfishness, the weight of my blatant refusal to worship my Creator with all that I am. He suffered, not because God the Father is cruel, but because my sin was heinous and merited punishment. He bled, not because He was weak but because I am. He died, not because they executed Him, but because a sacrifice was required. When Christ went to the cross, He left nothing undone.
I hate my sin. And I hate that I don’t always hate my sin. I am broken, not in a sweet, sentimental, sing-songy way, but in a real, painful, and pain-inducing way. I am broken in a way that often breaks the people around me. I am broken in a way that should, logically speaking, separate me from a holy God. But Christ’s death is not a legend, not a story we tell to sober us into false humility or ankle-deep love. No, Christ’s death is true. His death was full, complete. Our debt has been paid by Jesus’s death, and our hope has been eternally sealed by His resurrection.
I weep with sorrow for my sin. I weep with joy for my redemption. And nothing, not even myself and my sin, will ever separate me from the love of God in Jesus Christ (Romans 8:35). Thanks be to Him.
Ankle deep love. I’m going to think on that today. God lavished love on me, but I only return “ankle deep” love.
The first sentence reminds me of something my pastor said this past Sunday. He said, “There are sins that we like, and we work harder to justify them than get rid of them.” Ouch! But very true. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory!
Thank you for this teaching. Jesus’ sacrifice is amazing! He paid it all. Yes, I need to repent daily. May the Holy Spirit convict me and guide me to right living. I’m reminded of that song that says; May You receive the honor that Your due, Lord I bring an offering to You. I’m not there, but what if we lived the lives we are given as an offering to God? My life would definitely be different than it is now. I know I could not do that on my own, but God gave us His Holy Spirit. I’m also thankful for the Scripture that tells us Jesus is constantly interceding for us. What a beautiful truth to reflect on! I found this reading about the attributes of the Holy Spirit from Dr. Charles Stanley. Here is the link: http://www.intouch.org/read/blog/11-special-attributes-of-the-holy-spirit#.XdUTyOV6RRE.mailto
It’s definitely worth reading.
This was right on point! The great Christian paradox is that we must loose ourselves to find ourselves. This is so true. I recently read a book called “Confronting the myth of self-esteem” by Ester Rasband. I was suffering from low-self esteem this book helped me to realize that when we suffer from low-self esteem it’s because we are looking to gratify ourselves. When we forget about ourselves and focus on serving others we actually become happier. Sisters, I highly recommend it.
This was right on time. Much needed❤️
Oops misspelled Raechel
THIS, These are the words that we all should repeat. I have done a screen shot and save in the notes on my phone. Amanda, this is why we miss you and Rachel writing. Maybe one day time will permit.
I didn’t realize how blinded I was until this devotional. I never realized that I wouldn’t lean on God and instead on people closest to me and completely ignore the weight of the sexual immortality. I wouldn’t always feel convicted but now I do. Because I thought that it was okay to have sex outside of marriage, I added so much to Christ needing to sacrifice himself. It hurts to think that my actions had bigger consequences than I was noticing and now I realize that God doesn’t want to turn his back on me for that, He wants to love and embrace me!! How great is our God!