Living in community is a beautiful thing. On the best days, it might feel like a good dinner party as laughter rings out and each person brings a dish for the table only they know how to make. Other days, it’s a disaster. Broken dishes and broken trust. Everyone trying to talk over each other. You throw up your hands and claim you’ll never host another party again—and even if you do, you’re definitely not inviting those eight people.
In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ” (Ephesians 4:32). It’s much easier to fly off the handle or uninvite people from our lives, yet we are called to a “new self” (v.24), one that reflects God’s righteousness and His love for even the most unruly dinner guest. We have to remember how He shows us endless patience in our unruly behavior.
On this journey of living in Christian community, God invites us into rhythms of deepening our relationships and, if possible, restoring them when they get broken. This is because we are “members of one another” (v.25). Isn’t that a crazy thought? God has created us as individuals, yet interdependent as His body. When we harm each other, we grieve Him. He wants us to forgive just as He forgave us (Colossians 3:13).
This spring, a friend and I took a road trip from Tennessee to California, and somewhere around the plains of Wyoming, we found ourselves talking about what it means to truly forgive. Both of us have recent experiences trying to forgive a person or a group of people, and we had to ask the honest questions: Can you still feel anger and sadness after forgiving someone? Do you forgive only once, or is it an ongoing practice?
In my experience, choosing to forgive doesn’t mean I won’t continue to feel sadness or anger for a while. To be honest, it steals past me when I least expect us. Fortunately, Scripture doesn’t guarantee a timeline for moving through the pain. Forgiveness may be a one-time act, but like anything involving our hearts, it will also be an ongoing process.
The truth is, sometimes God does ask us to step away from unhealthy relationships. It’s natural to mourn this loss, especially if a person or collective group once played a key role in our life. However, we can still practice kindness in the way we move forward, and we are still called to forgive them in our hearts as God has forgiven us. For now, on this side of heaven, they may no longer sit at our physical table, but if we are both pursuing God, we are a part of the same spiritual family. May Christ’s peace be present in our hearts as we seek to obey Him and love those around us (v.15).
” With all lowliness and meekness with long suffering, forbearing one another in love.”
Living in community is a great thing. American culture focuses too much on a Christ less community… but here, in She Reads Truth , we have our own community that’s main focus is Jesus. So many people in a community help us to carry our burdens.. help us to talks out our problems… and most importantly… as in this community… help us to bring our eyes back to Jesus. Community is one of the best gifts God gave us!
I hope all of you had a great thanksgiving!! I love you all dear sisters! God bless all of you!
♥️
Thank you, #SRT, now I have my 2022 new years resolution: encouragement.
I resolve to be more intentional about giving heartfelt, honest, encouragement whenever I can. I pray the Lord will bring me more opportunities to do so and whether I catch them or not, I know this obedience will bring me closer to Him.
I can identify with the last paragraph Bailey wrote as far as my relationship with my ex-husband. We are able to be together at short amount of times — like Thanksgiving — but can’t be married any longer because of our differences.
Sisters have a great weekend and be blessed and forgive someone today.
I am so touched reading the testimonies you share. I feel like this is truly a test from God when He allows such deep pains to happen to us, and us being vulnerable and disoriented in such moments, leaning on Him, learning to be like Him, whispering as we bleed “Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing”. I believe when Jesus said those words, He already forgave them in his heart. I so agree with so many wise ladies saying that the way to pain closure is prayers for those who hurt you, pray for those who persecute you (this is not easy, but God always raises the bar for His children, through us He enables/strenthens us to do the most difficult things). We really don’t have a choice over what they do (normal reaction of offence is to cut off relationships without any explanation, no contact, silent treatment, shock effect, or even slandering/gossiping behind our backs for years and years). An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city (scary!). But us, on the side of the unknown, we have to be Christ like, we bless them, bless and do not curse(we don’t speak negatively). We bear the pain/ wrongs for the sake of righteousness. And God, with His mercy, for us, for them, will restore. I have seen Him restore, though it took years in my case (family offence, church offence), but at the end it changes the other person so much. Because we (the victim) shine bright the light of Christ, and we win them back in some form or another. Glory to our Lord who is acquainted with our sufferings and grieves, who walks with us through these moments.
“The truth is, sometimes God does ask us to step away from unhealthy relationships. It’s natural to mourn this loss, especially if a person or collective group once played a key role in our life. However, we can still practice kindness in the way we move forward, and we are still called to forgive them in our hearts as God has forgiven us. For now, on this side of heaven, they may no longer sit at our physical table, but if we are both pursuing God, we are a part of the same spiritual family. May Christ’s peace be present in our hearts as we seek to obey Him and love those around us (v.15).”
I am curious…how do we continue to practice kindness as we move forward?
What does that look like?
When someone is angry at you but will not explain why, will not allow you to meet together or even talk on the phone to talk it through (and they live too far away to accidentally see each other), and they say it is just going to take time and it will be at their pace…and it has been years, and you love them dearly and do not know what you’ve done to cause such a division, do you just keep loving, praying, …sending the same gifts at the holidays and birthdays? Do you text more often, send emails more, give them space? When we send emails and texts he says, “Why would he allow us to see him when we don’t follow the rules when we are apart?” He doesn’t answer the phone to our calls. When we don’t communicate for months and then ask if we could meet to talk, he says he is not ready. We’ve offered to make the 18 hour drive even if it only means we get an hour to talk or eat a meal together and nothing more. What kindness are we leaving out?
We have laid it before the Lord, and pray continually. While we do not meet physically it is my prayer that someday we will share the same Heaven, worshiping before the Father. It is the greatest comfort in this situation. It is what is most important. It is eternal.
But daily I wonder how to proceed. What is the next step of healing and kindness. Thank you Karen Yingling for the question, “What would it take for us to have a relationship again?” I’m going to cover it in prayer and then give it a try.
Knowing our God is omnipresent – such a blessing, so much mercy.
Ok…please pray I get forgiveness today from my husband. I really messed up. Just a few moments ago, Um, I pulled out of my garage quickly, but the hatch lid was up….Yep, it hit the garage door and shattered my back window completely, while wiping out that wiper….Oh BOY! I will tell my hubs he needs to be forgiving!!! That God commands it! lol (which HE does!) Love to you all! Have a good wkd!
Oops. Messed up on the first line. It says: O master grant that I may “never” seek. I just wanted to share that this lyric touched my heart and I had to look it up.