Over thirty years later, I can still hear it: small children’s voices, chanting with precise cadence, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1, KJV). I was one of those children. Memory verses were a specialty for me, an overachieving, rule-following kid. And I can definitely see why this would’ve been a verse our teachers wanted to sink in.
As a child, I read this as a reminder to do good things, like clean my room and brush my teeth and share my toys. Now, as an adult, this instruction to children toward the end of Paul’s letter seems a little bit puzzling. Is it about telling six-year-olds to do what their parents say? Some of the verses around it suggest there’s a little bit more going on here.
Just before Paul offered his instructions to husbands and wives, children and parents, and slaves and masters, he encouraged the whole church community to live informed by the Holy Spirit, to let their lives reflect their deep transformation through God’s grace. It’s a big-picture view, one that encouraged them to “walk in love,” stay wise, and pay attention to how they lived (Ephesians 5:2,15). This new way of life applies to everyone, from the lowliest servants to the highest-ranking officials.
So Paul took the time to address children, some of the most powerless, no-account people in Greco-Roman society. His instructions aren’t surprising; he told them to obey their parents and reminded them of a commandment that goes all the way back to Mount Sinai: “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:2). It’s the sort of instruction you’d give to a child, obedience in a technical sense, recognizing the grown-up’s authority. But then Paul turned it around: “Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
It strikes me that all throughout these sections, Paul’s instruction to the powerless and the powerful is not so different. They’re all rooted in love, service, and care for each other. Though the greater culture may not think twice about fathers holding absolute power over their families, in God’s economy the powerful are asked to bend low, to love and care and nurture. Though the power structures exist, they’re made to be subverted by love. The law may call for honor in a technical sense; God also commands self-sacrifice motivated by grace, gentleness, love, and kindness—a way of life led by and filled with His Spirit.
So then, for children, simple obedience makes sense. But what of their fathers and mothers? What of the grown-ups tasked to care for, teach, and help show the way to adulthood? In the kingdom, all have the worth and dignity of being made in the image of God. This is where we begin.
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51 thoughts on "Children and Parents"
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Father help me to be obedient to your Word in thought and action. In Jesus name, Amen
It really does boil down to love and it for me it reminds me that even if I do an action I need to have a serving spirit … I need to develop patience.
I do feel like my parents tend to push my buttons on purpose but I have to remind myself Proverbs 25:28 .
The Word of God is so pure, and loving and kind. The Word of God will surely lead us to secure ground, on the very difficult path of daily self denying. Honor your parents, and obey them in the Lord, which reads, don’t obey them outside of the Lord (when my husband was so little, his step dad told him to go to the store and steal things for him, and he didn’t obey. And I am glad he didn’t). I remembered the story of Joyce Meyer, a horror story for me if I am honest, when she shared how she honored her parents. As many of us might have known her story, she was sexually abused by her dad on a weekly basis for 15 years, he took her virginity and her whole childhood, her mom walked in on them once and walked out so fast and acted like nothing happened, Joyce was made into her dad’s mistress, an alcoholic abusive character, and her mom did not help her, she was so afraid of living life on her own if leaving the dad. BUT God…He told Joyce to do the difficult work of honoring her parents. When they were in their 70s, she bought a house for them near her, put them in nursing homes for over decades long and took care of the large bills after hearing God’s instructions. She also led her dad to the Lord and baptized him, knowing all his sins, the horrific crimes, all are forgiven. It breaks my heart knowing the things that the Word of God had to come through, including us, to show honor, and He walked Joyce through all that, breaking through the many many layers of pain, darkness. Who can search out God’s wisdom and the depth of His love? I always think to myself, the greatest wonder that this world could ever know is the heart of God. The greatest wonder ever known is the grace of God. If only the little humans, the self-absorbed, self- centered, self- pitied, self- protected, self-proclaimed little humans us know to commit to constantly lay down our ego daily, to walk according to the Word of Truth and give glory to the Most High, this world would be a much better place. Hence, a new earth awaits, and it’s within His plan. To Him we have such glorious hope, and we give thanks. Blessed be Your Name Lord forever for the goodness You have prepared to those who I love you, that no eyes or ears have seen or heard. Be blessed dear sisters.
Joyce has quite a redemptive story, doesn’t she!!! And Look what God has done with her life. Just amazing!!!
Amen for putting it so well.❤️
I have known of Joyce Meyer for a couple of decades and never knew this…wow! Talk about forgiveness and honoring her parents after that! That is an ONLY God..story. What a testimony. God heals and restores. If we lay everything down at the feet of Jesus, he is faithful and just.
Thank you for sharing dear Mercy, and the last few nights as well! Good stuff!
It is hard to see kids with unloving or harsh parents. I excuse them for having probably being mistreated themselves by their own parents, but to see the kids suffer and not get the love of parents is so hard. Our grandson was treated really unfair by his parents and it was tough to watch, still is. But I didn’t want to be cut off from seeing him.
Yes Rhonda. She shared bits and bits, and most of it from a sermon called “Get over your sweet little self” lol something like that. If God can heal and recover such cases, we should not lose heart and keep praying through to victory ❤️ The faithful prayers you pray avail much, like atomic bombs in the spirit.
You know I never really picked up that it instructs children to obey their parents “in the Lord” – and it got me thinking that not all parents are godly. The Lord wants us to respect and honor our parents, but if their actions and instructions are not godly, obviously He does not want us to obey evil. Paul included “in the Lord” with intention – always minding the Lord in obedience to parents – or even other authority (such as government or workplace).
My heart breaks for the children who have grown up with the teaching and admonishing of the Lord and are now adults struggling to understand His mercy and grace…
LORD God, open their eyes to deception and lies and bring them to the full understanding of Your love and salvation, Jesus. We have nothing apart from You!
Its all about heart posture. Its not someone being the boss, or someone blindly obeying just because. Its heart posture and turning our eyes, our hearts to Jesus and pointing our kids to the same. From He reads truth “Turn your children’s eyes toward His way. Set before your children the hope they have in Him.”
Our girls are both young adults, one married and living 8 hrs from us, the other still sort of home serving in camp ministry, but also leaving tomorrow for a 2nd year program with YWAM. Our hope and desire was/is to have a Christ centered home and despite our human-ness and shortcomings as parents,many times of being too bossy, and often less than holy (for the simpliest of descriptions) and falling short in their growing up years, praise the Lord, by His grace they are both walking closely with Jesus. Our daughter is married to a wonderful Christian young man. Pursing holiness and righteous has to always be my hearts desire, and even when I missed the mark in parenting, when I really messed up, by His grace He still drew my girls to His side. All praise to the Lord.
Thank you sisters for praying for me. The results of the 4 month scan are that there is no change, growth, progression or further metastasis of the cancer at this time. Praise the Lord. Because all looks stable, the oncology team still recommends no treatment and continuing in a “monitor and wait” protocol. I am so grateful. Appreciate your continued prayers as I press on. The initial diagnosis 3 years ago took an incredible toll on my body. Although, I had surgery and no treatment, and it is a miracle I survived, I became a mere shadow of who I was, it set off numerous other health issues and I still have yet to get back to who I was prior to that. Getting back to living after almost dying is not easy. The reoccurance 10 months ago has stalled my already very slow recovery in everyway. I have so much to be grateful for, in many ways I have made a remarkable recovery, but I long to be really “feeling” better. I’m ok, but I want to be good. When someone asks me how I’m doing, I want to say “Great!”. My hope is in Jesus – He is able!
Oh Wendy you are such an inspiration!! I too know what it is like to have surgery and only be a shell of the person you were..and down and down! Although my problems are different then yours being life threatening…it is hard to not feel good, day after day, month after month, and year after year, as many can attest. I love that it made us start an “Enduring Chronic Pain” group at church with encourages each other in pointing to our Saviour in everything and all circumstances. Maybe you could start something similar but to your situation, online or in person…it would be so needed?!
Wendy! ❤❤❤
For all of you who are raising children, may God pour out His wisdom on you, may He give you insight and creativity and strength and courage. Raising kids today can’t be easy, but it’s not impossible to show them the way they should go. Stand firm in your Christian beliefs, don’t compromise even the little things, let your kids see your devotion to God – and HAVE FUN DOING IT!!!! Enjoy God in front of your kids, let them see that there is joy and fun and fulfillment and benefits in following Christ.
I so agree, Kris, teaching our children about a good relationship with God has to be seen by them, it’s something they need to observe as joyful, pleasant, genuine.
How right you are, Kris! Fun, imagine that!
Paul’s instructions for our personal families or our family of God are so important! It is about being unselfish in all our relationships. Jesus set our example in His servant leadership. It’s not about being right but about serving and loving others as Christ loved the church. Just think how the world would change if we took this attitude. I messed up a lot with my girls and my husband but I have asked for forgiveness and we have a healthy relationship.
I know some are not in my circumstances and you have to set boundaries.
Praying for all! Laura, thank you for sharing your story! That’s a But God story!
Another ‘throw back’ song, (SEARCHING )-
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not a Christian song, sisters, but some of the most convicting lyrics ever!
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Cat’s in the Cradle
My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it
And as he grew, he’d say
“I’m gonna be like you, Dad
You know I’m gonna be like you”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
“When you comin’ home, Dad?”
“I don’t know when
But we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then”
My son turned ten just the other day
He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, c’mon let’s play
Can you teach me to throw?” I said, “Not today
I got a lot to do”, he said, “That’s okay”
And he, he walked away but his smile
Never dimmed and said
“I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
“When you comin’ home, Dad?
“I don’t know when
But we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then”
Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man, I just had to say
“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
“What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys”
“See you later, can I have them please?”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
“When you comin’ home, son?”
“I don’t know when
But we’ll get together then, Dad
You know we’ll have a good time then”
I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I could find the time”
“You see, my new job’s a hassle and the kid’s got the flu”
“But it’s sure nice talkin’ to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talkin’ to you”
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
“When you comin’ home, son?
“I don’t know when
But we’ll get together then, Dad
We’re gonna have a good time then”
Songwriters: Harry F. Chapin, Sandy Chapin. For non-commercial use only.
I had NO idea what that song was about until now!!
I never thought of it in the context of today’s reading either, but it immediately came to mind this morning!
Reading the lyrics made me so emotional. I never heard of this song. We inherit who our moms and dads are. May we be ever so mindful to be like Christ…. instead:((
❤amen, Mercy! This is a really old song- I dare say older than you are!
Well, I went down a rabbit trail and ended up at 2 Peter 3:11-12 and this note from NKJV MacArthur Study Bible, 2nd Edition:
holy conduct and godliness-
“Holy conduct” refers to the way a Christian should live life — separate from sin.
“Godliness” refers to the spirit of reverence which should permeate a Christian’s attitude — that which rules the heart.”
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It always comes back to the heart! Have a blessed day, sisters! ❤
That is great to think about. Thank you for the insight! ❤️
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FIRST, Let’s remember and pray for all those effective by today, 23 years ago. We will never forget!! My little Caleb was not even 6 months old and I held him so tightly. He was wearing a blue sleeper!
Good morning and Happy Wednesday! Just last night my elderly mom and I had a “short” (because I made sure) political conversation (won’t get into it) where I did say to her (and I’m being transparent) that she’s closed minded or unaware that its NO longer the way she thinks as YEARS later things have changed drastically. Its VERY hard when one is set in their ways and don’t “see” or don’t want to see or hear that things have changed and its no longer safe anymore. So honor thy parents? Yes I still feel I honor my parent, and its tricky because of culture especially in mine (even though I was born and raised here in US) they forget the part: “parents do not exacerbate your children.” I’ve been criticized for my way of parenting, yet I feel I’ve done it this way as to NOT exacerbate my children. AND guess what? We have an amazing relationship!! Its all Jesus!
I want to add, I did grow up with two loving parents! They did the best they could! Especially my daddy.
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Praying for you dear Mari. My mom attacked me through my parenting as well, constantly. And I parent the biblical way, still learning, not her Asian way (the culture where i came from). Honoring parents while keeping our insanity requires drawing boundaries, hard to do with difficult moms. Honoring doesn’t mean we can’t confront them, forgiveness needs confrontation (to seek understanding and not revenge), this requires wisdom on how to do so it won’t blow up. Prayers that the Lord softens the hearts, to bring peace.
*edit: sanity.
Thank you Mercy! Your wise words of wisdom are so encouraging. And I do my best to pray before confronting or even have a difficult conversation. I actually reached out here a few months ago asking for prayer as I was the one who had offended and seeking forgiveness. I still had to do it with boundaries. Trust me I’m NO angel especially when it comes to my relationship with my mom and she does not hold back to let me know. I’m in counseling for many things in life, this is one of them.
My parents, oh how I love them, brought us up in church and showed us how it must be a priority in our busy family life. We were also taught to respect them, but it came easy because they were loving with good boundaries. So when I had my only child with a 2nd husband that had promised that yes, he would do church with me, I was determined to find a church. We definitely had different views being raised in two different faiths. He seemed to thing baptism was important whether we went to church or not….my point of view was it matter most that our son actually attended a church with his parents each week! It caused lots of strife, he really didn’t want to go to church, that was just an empty promise, and me jumping ahead of God to marry when I wanted to! That never works out good! Anyway, a year or so later we were separated, but I found a church and went by myself with my son. I am so glad I did, and there was lots of support. It actually lets me be aware of all the single moms at my current church to encourage them! In my separation I demanded (lol!) that Sunday mornings I had my son with me for church, and it worked for years. I was blessed to be able to go to church with my son the last 2 Sundays while up north visiting. It was probably the highlight of the 2 weeks, and then stopping to see my dad yesterday! Everything else will fall to the wayside…our relationship with the Lord and then our family, is so important! I hope this encourages any single moms.
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“God commands self sacrifice, motivated by grace, gentleness, love and kindness – way of life lead and filled with the Holy Spirit.” And “ all instruction to the powerless, and the powerful is not so different. They are all rooted in love, service, and care for each other.”
Children, obey your parents … bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Sisters, this has gone by the wayside for so many families today – praying for a healthy, wise, loving, God-guided balance of discipline, training and love for these future generations.
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CEE GEE – thanks for the throwback song! ❤️
LANIE H – great testimony ❤️
MERCY ❤️ what a picture your words painted … modern day altar. And loved your encouragement for our singles!
MIA FAITH – ❤️
TINA ❤️ hope the mission goes well! As for jiving…one day, sister! Love you!
❤ Our lifegroup topic Sunday night was from Matthew 5:27-29. In discussion, we ended up talking about the situation you described with current day parents/children. God is so very patient with us!!!
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I didn’t get a chance to comment yesterday. Ephesians 5 is always a sticky one, isn’t it? I feel like Christians and non-Christians alike want to avoid it. I had the same attitude for years, I don’t submit to anyone! Super independent and hard-headed. We for sure were not living out this section of Scripture in our marriage for many years. I was not showing respect, he was not showing love. I wanted OUT of the marriage, but because I was a Christian, never felt like it was Biblical, so continued on. There was no abuse (I realize that is an entirely different situation), just an unhappy, unloving relationship that was literally limping along. I prayed for years for God to heal my marriage. Then my husband confessed his affair to me and things really went dark here. I had my Biblical out, I could leave. But my husband repented, wanted to work on things. We got plugged into Emerson Eggeriches Love and Respect ministry. Through that, God worked on me, hard. Marriage is about Christ. Marriage is about understanding Christ’s sacrifice for us. Marriage is the Earthly embodiment of Christ’s love for the Church. Whew. It was rough. I struggled. God, I prayed for healing and you bring me this? This is your idea of healing? Friends, we are still married. And as you know, it is not always rainbows and sunshine. But we love God. Our marriage has become a living illustration of sacrifice, forgiveness, mercy, all the things that God shows us every. single. day. So I am here as a witness. Through marriage we can learn more about God, more about Jesus’ love toward us. And I believe that was the point.
Thank you, LAURA ❤️ for your impactful testimony!
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So good, thank you Laura for this beautiful insight! Marriage is hard, even with two level-headed, Lord loving people that love each other. It can get hard, mundane, or stale so easily and fast. I am on my third, and I am strong willed, independent as well, and hard for me to not state my thoughts and they often sound disrespectful to him, although I usually don’t mean them that way. I have to learn to keep my mouth shut. It is a challenge for sure, and to be patient. I did not have the Lord in the center of the other two, this time I do, so I know it will be blessed if I keep looking to Him! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and testimony!
I can say a personal amen to that! Several years ago I asked God the same question and He worked a similar response in me. I never read the book you mentioned, but through Bible study and prayer I came to the same understanding: “Marriage is about Christ. Marriage is about understanding Christ’s sacrifice for us. Marriage is the Earthly embodiment of Christ’s love for the Church.” Thank you for voicing my testimony as well! Only difference here – no affair. ❤
Great observations, JEN. Thank you!
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From HRT (whole thing was great, but I especially appreciated this):
“We all like to put ourselves at the center of life and expect others to bow to our whims. But in Ephesians, both commands are the same and should unseat our self-inclined hearts. Both parents and children are called into obedience to Christ. Why should children obey their parents? Because it is right. How are they to obey? In the Lord. How are parents to raise their children? In the nurture and admonition of the Lord. In each case, the central figure is not the parent or the child but the Lord Himself. God does not call parents to mere child-pleasing. He does not call children to mere parent-pleasing. He calls both to be God-pleasing.”
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For those of us with a roller coaster relationship with a parent(s) who may or may not be Believers, “honoring” can be a hard row to hoe. Balancing healthy boundaries and obeying God’s command, then giving the outcome to Him, is not my default for sure.
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ALEIDA – praying for your husband and Victor.
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SHARON, JG – praying treatment for Jeff can resume asap. Did the worship team turmoil come to a peaceful resolution?
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HEATHER O’MALLEY – how is Hudson doing?
So good, KELLY ❤️ thank you. A good reminder of the challenges in any relationship with unbelievers, whether parents, spouse, siblings, friends, neighbors, coworkers … praying for the lost.
I copied the exact same section from HRT. So good. He calls BOTH to be God-pleasing. Just like marriage, our relationship with our children should have Christ in the center. Everything we experience (parenting for sure!) should help us to understand God and His love for us even more.
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Any updates in your work situation?
Kelly, thank you for asking about Hudson. Like so many boys his age (18), he’s lacking direction. He’s had 2 Godly, older men offer to spend time with him and mentor him, but he’s resisting. I pray that God will break down the walls he’s built up and allow himself to be vulnerable.
Amen
Jen Yokel, this was beautiful!
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Thank you..
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I am on a mission today, so just wanted to say hi to all covered in love, hugs and prayers as always..❤
I’ll try and get back later..
Prayerful your day is blessed dear hearts..❤
Hope your mission goes well❣️