The ring was a symbol and a lie. “A symbol of your purity,” my parents said as they gave it to me, and a lie because I knew what my fumbling hands and the hands of another had already enacted. As long as I wore that ring I felt like a fraud, telling a story that wasn’t true about my heart, my body, and my intentions.
I had made no promise to wait for sex until marriage. The promise, like the ring, was hoisted on me by well meaning but misguided parents, leaders, and teachers. I thought waiting looked like white-knuckled and gritting determination. And by my late teens or early twenties, waiting for marriage was equated with “[burning] with desire” (1Corinthians 7:9). I did not understand that purity is a gift from God to me—not a gift for me to give to Him. And I did not understand that chastity was a spiritual discipline, not a rote one born of shame and demand and the seeds of legalism.
Chastity is only truly practiced by one whose spirit is alive with Christ, whose restraint is empowered by the Holy Spirit. It is not and cannot be produced in someone who is merely there for the show. It is not proven by signing cards promising to wait for sex until marriage, nor by wearing a purity ring or a bride wearing white on her wedding day.
Chastity is practiced by a person who makes a habit of presenting their body again and again and again, “as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God” (Romans 12:1), and as an act of worship to the God who made their body, loves their body, and cares deeply about their body. It is practiced both inside marriage and outside it, both in the avoidance of sex and in the participation of it within marriage. It is not something one loses when they enter into marriage, but it is something one carries with them. Chastity is as necessary for life and godliness as goodness, faithfulness, kindness, and joy.
I wear a different ring these days, a small rose gold one with a beryl stone within it. It communicates a promise of fidelity, service, and love to my husband. But it also communicates to me that I am not released from a practice of chastity simply because I wear this wedding ring and sex is permissable. I still practice the discipline of chastity, of asking the Spirit to help counter sexual thoughts that have no place in our marriage, of making a practice of saying “Yes,” in marriage instead of “No” (1Corinthians 7:2–7), of recognizing and submitting to what is beneficial instead of being mastered by desires and thoughts (1Corinthians 6:12–20), and of bearing the fruit of the Spirit in all its forms in our marriage.
Before committing to wait for true love, one must know they are truly loved by God. We need to know that His Spirit is there to help us in our weaknesses and to empower us to walk in all that He has for us.
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69 thoughts on "Chastity"
Beautifully put. An something I will definitely read again and again to remind myself that my body is made to be Holy in all things.
This is just beautiful and contains many thought-provoking ideas that I will continue to ponder. I hope to use some of these ideas as my (currently) little girls grow up. Thank you for sharing!
I love the challenge to continue to love the Lord through chastity in marriage
Wow…I appreciate this. It’s made me think in a new way regarding chastity.
Love this, a new way to look at chastity for me.
Wow, this was a brilliant way to consider chastity, it’s often been presented as a ticking time bomb and I am grateful for the message that once you acknowledge and accept God’s love for you and the word that he is doing in you then you can commit to the wait and I feel like in really learning and letting it sink in for me recently is just so powerful
“Before committing to wait for true love, one must know they are truly loved by God.” Chastity as a spiritual discipline is different from chastity demanded by legalism. The Hoy Spirit helps us in our weakness just like with other spiritual disciplines. I really appreciated the messages in this devotional and wish I had heard them as a teen and young adult.
Heather – my husband is on the board of an incredible ministry called Proven Men. They are a great resource for dealing with sexual addiction.
THIS IS SO GOOD! Chastity is a discipline, not something rooted in shame!! I think my life would look very different if I learned about chastity in this way. I made a lot of mistakes with my body in high school and college. I’ve laid all that sin before the Lord and am walking in freedom in my marriage now, but I do believe that I would have made different choices if I knew chastity was a gift from God. I see that now, because married sex is SO MUCH BETTER than any sexual relations I had prior to marriage! Waiting is so worth it!
@Mercy, God has brought me to the depths and beyond… and He has WON the victory!!! I am healed and set FREE!!!! My identity and security is in HIM alone. So don’t let your heart be broken…REJOICE with me and give all GLORY and HONOR to God!!! He is SO faithful and KIND!!!! He met me in my brokenness and gave me a NEW life!!!! I am so incredibly grateful!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
@ Erb, you went through so much. My heart breaks reading your story. I will be praying for you for complete healing.
@Taylor,
Thank you for your courage to be vulnerable, I’m actually very much the same as you, perhaps even worse. Struggled since my teens and now in my early mid twenties I still stumble and follow my desires. I’ve grown tired of asking God for help when I knew those moments of pleading with God were only temporary and I knew deep down that I wasn’t ready to stop. Eventually I felt my heart growing calloused and numb to this sin. However, by some truly ironic grace of God, my calloused heart also quieted the guilt and shame and allowed me to see my need for God. I changed my prayers of “help me to overcome myself”, to “help me to want you more than anything”. I cracked open my physical bible I haven’t touched in a very long time and saw how throughout all of repeated cycles of sin and wickedness, he remained faithful. I realized I was so busy focusing on my sin that I stopped seeking God just to be with him. I know my struggles, but in light of him, my sin has lost it’s meaning to me. It doesn’t define me, it doesn’t change me, it only reveals how much he still loves me. I’ll be praying that God stirs you heart to seek him, and walk with him day by day. It’s truly in the day to day, moment to moment presentness with God that I can see how good he is.
In the moments of despair, it might be difficult so see his goodness but I hope you’ll see that in the daily renewal and receiving of God’s grace you’ll look back and see how much of his love and grace you’ve received and continue to receive. He hears you Taylor, I know because he’s heard me.
I loved today’s reading!!! It was very healing for me!! I am one of those people that has experienced sexual abuse, multiple times, throughout my life. I used to think it was my fault, that there was something wrong with me, because why else would I keep find this happening to me?!! God has shown me different though!!!
Some of my story.. I was told by family members who, at a young age, I looked up to as strong men of God that I was lascivious, in other words, I was causing them to sin, and that I should cover myself up with baggy clothes. I didn’t realize it at the time (I was only 10) but what they said revealed more about themselves and the sin they were allowing to run them, than it did with me, actually it had nothing to do with me!! I did however allow that thought process of “I’m a stumbling block and need to cover myself up” come in and rule my life though… I went from being completely and innocently unaware to now being very self conscious. I didn’t want to mess up or mess anyone else up. So I lived my life walking on eggshells… I completely devoted myself to God, to reading the Word and living my life as purely as I knew how to… but my view of God was warped. I saw Him standing over me with a whip waiting for me to mess up or mess someone else up. I felt shame all the time!! I covered it up by building walls, by having strong spiritual convictions (which included purity rings and judgements) I covered it by knowing scripture, and what I thought was the character of God. I kept myself very distant, especially from men. And I found identity in characters from books and scriptures I read. No one knew about my sexual abuse, except my parents, who didn’t talk extensively about it with me… I was so young, only 4 when I was first abused (babysitter) …my parents who were and are super supportive didn’t want my life or identity to be defined by that moment. But what they didn’t know, because I didn’t talk about it, was that I continued to be abused by this same man (he lived up the road from my cousins, where we spent a lot of time) he continually sought me out and even used me to introduce some of his friends to the world of pedophilia.. I hid this deep deep down and refused to even acknowledge to myself that it happened!! I was so scared… I didn’t want to disappoint God. So I shut that part of myself away. I only acknowledged the good things. Never even looked at the bad things under the surface. ….all this to say that I used God, His word, and the action of purity/chastity as a place to hide!! So many people in my life looked up to me and complimented me, because I was so devoted to the Lord, and I was.. as much as I knew how to be.. but what people didn’t know was that I was hiding, too afraid to acknowledge or face the things that had happened to me. Chastity became a place of comfort for me. Something I could use as an excuse (and an ego feeder) so I didn’t have to deal with things. …it took YEARS and multiple other forms of sexual abuse and assaults for me to finally come to a place of complete and utter brokenness. I never allowed myself to feel emotions, except for happy ones, but it wasn’t until I was completely broken that I truly saw myself the way God sees me!!! There was counseling and therapy… which HELPED so much!!!! But the real healing came when my view of God changed!!! I no longer saw Him standing over me with a whip waiting for me to mess up, but I saw Him crying and pleading with me!!! He was there, through EVERY SINGLE abuse and assault!!! He knew my heart was to save myself for marriage and He HONORED that, even though I had a skewed view of what that looked like, he still honored my hearts desire!!!! Ladies, I am still a virgin, the men who tried to rape me have for some reason always given up or let me go before penetrating!!!! That right there is a MIRACLE!!!! God is SO FAITHFUL to honor our hearts desires, even if they aren’t quite “right” God sees our hearts and HONORS us wanting to give Glory to Him. So, if you’re struggling, or if you relate to this even a little bit, keep pursuing GOD!!! Let HIM be your focus, be HONEST with Him and yourself. Let GOD heal and touch those places that so desperately need to be touched and acknowledged. It’s not fun, but it is SOOOO worth it!!! Thank you Father for showing me that purity and chastity have more to do with my relationship with you than with anything or anyone else!!! Love you Jesus!!!
…and for those of you wondering… I am a single 40year old, who no longer hides, is not defined by the things that have happened, who sees God in the midst of horror, and who still believes that God honors our hearts desires no matter where we’re at!! I live every moment THANKFUL to God for the journey He has me on.. here’s to all our journey’s and to seeing ourselves though the eyes of God!!! ❤️❤️❤️
I’m pregnant with our second baby, a little girl! And this devotional had given me so much to think about when raising two young children to grow and live their lives honoring to the Lord. Sometimes I get worried when I think about what the world will look like when they’re coming into that age of wonder and desire. How will my husband and I protect and encourage them to lead lives of purity and to hold out for their own spouse? I think that begins now. I am trying to make a more conscious effort of praying, not just for my children’s purity but for their future spouse’s purity as well (years and years from now!)
This was so beautifully written, Lore. The comments have made me reflect on my own path to marriage (with plenty of “blurs” of the lines we drew along the way). We waited, but it wasn’t out of our desire to honor God with our bodies (as we had gotten about as close to the line as we could), but rather to prove to people that we could (and would) make it after almost five years of dating—can you say “prideful”?!
The beauty and joy of our relationship with Christ is that it is forever ongoing. There were so many times in which I felt as though I was drowning in my own desires for my now husband, and to look and see that Jesus walked beside me as I wrestled and fought and relented and fought again shows me that He really is in it for the long haul. It’s the fight that matters. It’s the desire within you to come to the feet of Jesus every time you feel like you’ve overstepped, even in the midst of overwhelming shame. He knows our hearts. He knows our desires. He KNOWS. Thank you, Jesus, for walking this road with me and allowing me to struggle. Hallelujah that I am free to struggle, but may I always be struggling to get back to You.
Hi Rose, I don’t know how to respond directly to you but I hope you see it. I feel the same way as a 21 year old girl. I don’t have much advice, as I am still trying to figure myself out, but I did want to say that you are not alone in how you feel. I know that my insecurities won’t magically disappear as soon as I meet my husband, so I have been trying to change my mindset about my body and the way I view myself. I read Song of Solomon in the fall, and the book is surprisingly sexual, yet beautiful and tender. The author goes into so much detail about everything he loves about his wife’s body. Reading this in the Bible, the holiest of books, helped me better understand that sex truly was created to be enjoyed by man and wife, and God wants us to enjoy it. It’s not just a byproduct of marriage, and a way to procreate. While the thought of being physically intimate with my husband way far in the future still frightens me, I have been able to slowly change my mindset about sex and my body. Right now, I’m trusting that I will be ready for sex and marriage, and I will have a husband who is so excited and finds me beautiful and worthy, like God does. I’ll be praying for God to help us figure this out; to love our bodies as much as he loved them when he knitted us together in the womb, to treat our bodies like temples, to understand that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and to trust that God will answer our prayers.
This is probably the hardest temptation I deal with as a single
Christian.
Hi L V, I understand what you are trying to express and feel the same way. And I love your last statement, we are always 100% a child of God. If we look at everything from that lens, then purity and chastity are viewed properly – as a gift from God for us to cherish and enjoy.
@Taylor, thank you for having the courage to ask these questions and allowing us to offer advices to you. I am so amazed by your courage. I was once in the same boat, having the same thoughts like you, around the same age, in the same raging battle. And I gave in (not knowing any better, not knowing the Lord then, not having godly counsel). But now having God and His viewpoint, looking back, I saw how a young unmarried girl could be so fragile. So please please don’t be ashamed when you long for love and intimacy, please don’t be hard on yourself. Truly, the way lustful movies and music (under the influence of the devil) has magnified sex so much to lure many young people in. It is just ridiculous and evil at best. Now being married with kids, I honestly don’t think sex is as crazy as I once thought. In reality some days I’d rather sleep from exhaustion from family demands. I encourage you not to be so hard on yourself. I had a long relationship after college, God broke it up for my sake (it was some what abusive). And He made me wait. I asked God everyday, when God, no answer. More waiting. He gave me time to heal and calm my own confusion maybe. Almost 2 years passed. And then one day, my now husband came into my life, he proposed so quickly after being friends for just 3 months and asked to marry me within 8 months. He could not wait himself. Funny enough.
Be encouraged Taylor. God has a good plan for you, He said it himself that “two is better than one.” You can do this! Conquer your thoughts, capture every thoughts to the obedience of Christ. Divert your mind to whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of a good report. God will help you. Ask him for strength and work with him persistently. Just like if you love chocolate so much, don’t go to candy stores, don’t walk around chocolate aisles. Same principle applies here. Don’t give up ok! Pray to God, take authority to COMMAND any demonic temptations, inappropriate thoughts to be gone! Speak to your mountain, command it to move, and have faith and it will be moved. The moment you pass this test, a reward is on the way. Wishing you strength to overcome, hope to cheer you on, and success to testify! (sorry ladies for my long post Bless you all)
I kept thinking throughout this devotional that chastity meant celibacy, but I’m grateful that another believer pointed out that chastity and celibacy are similar but they are also different. To be honest, I lost my virginity to my husband before we got married, and although that love was significant for our relationship then, I can see now how much more meaningful that love is now, especially as our understanding of the marriage partnership deepens. I will admit, I first started this devotional thinking that chastity (but actually thinking it meant celibacy) wasn’t going to be applicable to me now that I’m married. I read on, not really paying too much attention, but reading other believers’ comments has given me a lot of food for thought, and now I’m very excited to write down in my Bible journal one of the last big paragraphs in here about chastity as a discipline and to ponder more about this topic as a whole.
I also wanted to share something that (I believe) Amanda Bible Williams shared in the recent She Reads Truth podcast that if she could go back in time, she would tell her younger self, who was wanting to be loved and deeply known and cherished, that she already is loved and deeply known and cherished by God! (Psalm 139). This is something I wish I could do too, and something that I need to keep reminding myself daily for whenever I sin or feel weak or feel worthless, comparing myself to others and thinking about mistakes and regrets. God calls me to repent, rest, and remember His love and to keep practicing these spiritual disciplines because it’s not about earning the reward as quickly as possible, it’s about the journey and our growth in our friendship with God.
Another believer commented about their insecurities as a young not-married woman, and I just wanted to share that even though I am married, I still have those thoughts and feelings a lot. I have things that I need to take to God and work through, and I even saw a professional for a short time to talk about these issues. I think a good starting place for people like you and me who are going through these thought processes is to stop criticizing and analyzing ourselves as people with a list to accomplish or as a person with their sum of experiences, and instead to look at ourselves with joy of who God made us to be – our characteristics and personalities and our interests and passions; to see ourselves as actual human beings and not human doers.
I’m so glad to have gone through this devotional and even though I’m sad that this is ending soon, I can’t wait to continue to practice what I’ve learned.
I pray that I will be able to show my daughter what true purity is meant to look like by my example through the power of the Holy Spirit.
My 14 year old son recently confessed that he’s struggled with a pornography addiction for two years. He’s getting good Christian counseling, and one of our youth pastors is walking with him as an accountability partner. I’d appreciate prayers for all of us as we help him fight this battle. ❤️
Rich*
Such a interesting devotional. I also grew up in a church that had a youth group with promise ring and purity focus. I felt a bit ostracized when I decided I DID NOT want to participate.
This devotional and the words of the women in this chat have given me so much to pray, read and learn about regarding chastity and purity.
Praying for the Milne family!
So here is an interesting thing. As a young Christian woman who does want to please God very much, I find that deep down, I associate my purity/inexperience with shame. I am 20 and have never even kissed. It has made me feel so ugly and undesirable and pathetic, I can’t even explain. Friends have told me it’s something to be proud of: that I have waited to find the “right” guy who is “worthy” of my kiss. But honestly, I feel that the reason I have not kissed is a) because no guy has ever initiated, so I’ve not had the chance, and b) because of a prideful fear that I would be bad at it more than wanting to please God.
I have always had an incredibly warped view of my body and felt “not normal” physically (though I am. I even get called pretty quite often). But all things that are physical, like sports and dancing and kissing and sex, just TERRIFY me. I feel like inadequate, vulnerable, and awkward thinking about doing them.
I am sure that I will wait until marriage to have sex, but once again, I find that the reason I want to hold back from having sex is that I am so unconfident in my own body. I don’t see my body as a gift, but rather some…disgusting and inadequate burden that the poor guy will just have to endure and never be satisfied with. I feel like I will have to apologize that he has to have sex with me, instead of some model girl with a nicer body and more experience. How do I stop seeing myself that way?
Ultimately, I just know my intentions need to shift. It’s easy to give the whole “I’m a Christian” excuse to justify my purity, but deep down, its more so something to hide behind because I feel ashamed of my body. I want to change.
I am thankful God forgives us. Lore, thank you for opening up to us. I feel more at home now. Chastity is not my strong suit. Lord forgive me.
Have a blessed day sisters.
This is so good…and speaks against purity culture and also the “if it feels good do it” society we live in. Thank you.
laura, oh my word that is incredible!!! praise the lord!!
taylor, oh my word, i wish i could give you a hug because i feel the exact same way!! praying for you as well navigate and wrestle with this. thank you for being vulnerable and speaking words others may want to but can’t for whatever reason.
I don’t have answers for you, Taylor, but I want you to know you are not alone! I think our culture (and the church) has done a disservice to young women by acting like boys are the only ones who want to have sex. “Boys will be boys”, after all. It causes us as women to feel like we are weird and immoral if we DO want to have sex, which is ridiculous, because God gave us sexual desires, too!! Praying that God will give you clarity and strength, and that you will be free from shame. Tons of us struggle with the same thing…. we’re just told to be quiet about it. So thank you for being brave in your post!!!
Praying for God-loving communicators to share truth with teens and young adults about being single, relationships, love, sex, and Gods will not with promise rings or fears. Gods wise truth.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this. I believe thorns remain for us to remain dependent on God. He wants us to keep coming back to him for strength. So maybe God wants to remind you that we need him DAILY.
This one hit home for me. Going on 6 years with my fiancé. I have to say chastity was difficult for us both, I don’t deprive him, nor did we both when we were young and now as I look to God and he is slowly seeking Him, I pray that God gives us both the strength to be with Christ when we wed. Thankful for this ❤️
@Taylor, Highly recommend the Porch (a ministry in Dallas, TX) and Becoming Something (with Jonathan Pokluda–one of my favorite pastors– podcasts! In the Becoming Something podcast, they just recently did an episode on if you’re single and don’t want to be…both podcasts have a lot of helpful episodes on singleness and the desire for marriage. It’s definitely been encouraging for me, so just wanted to share :)
@Angie, I will be praying for God’s wisdom for you today and this evening. May He use you to speak into these teens.
What a beautiful reflection of the Truth.
Praying for all victims of sexual abuse. May they know El Roi, the God who sees them. Please, Lord protect them and draw them near to you. Thank you, Lord for the stories of Rahab, Hagar, and the woman at the well. We are never too far from your sheltering love. Help us all to understand chastity as it was explained here and not as the shaming device of my youth. I forgive them. Amen.
Amen.
So much truth in this devotion. Taylor, I hear you. It is something I struggled with premarital and even struggle with in marriage (although I have an always will be faithful to my husband I struggle with sexual thoughts).. sexual desires don’t go away because you have someone. However, I love what Lydia explains. Oh, how I wish I could have waited for my husband and given him all of me. I know I can’t go back and that guilt I pray about often. The fact is God really does know best and it will be 100% worth it I have no doubts about that! He knows we struggle in our life with flesh/earthly desires (just like Jesus must have and he was never married!) he calls us to fight this battle with him not simply for him. Thank you for this devotion – I needed to hear it today to know I am not alone and be reminded God is on my side.
I’m praying for this family right now! May the Lord sweep over those babies and their family as they walk through this.
Amen
I am very open with my daughter. And with my son. Recently they asked a hard question. My son being an adult and my daughter being very mature like an adult, I answered them with truthfulness. Was I embarrassed? Oh yes I was! But there is one thing I can say. When I married their father we both practiced Chasity. And now that I find myself legally separated I will continue practicing Chasity. Not only for myself, but for them. And of course for my God!
My question from today’s devotion is: where do I go from here? I’ll be very vulnerable in that I’m one who “burns with passion” and have since I was a teenager. Those desires have led me into having pre-marital sex. I’ve wrestled with God since I was a teenager and now as a 25-year-old unmarried woman thinking “why me? Why do I have such strong desires? Why can’t I control myself? Why couldn’t you have provided me with a husband by now so I can stop feeling so shameful?” Honestly, I still don’t have the answers. I appreciate Agnes Long’s comment that “Salvation doesn’t come from purity; salvation comes from Jesus, and purity is a gift that comes from a relationship with Him.” I love the Lord so much and I know I’m saved, but why is this my thorn and why can’t I seem to overcome it? I feel so trapped. I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed for freedom from this but it’s still here that “burning feeling.” Where do I go from here?
I am so grateful for a healthy teaching I received as a preteen from a friend’s pastor: “in the act of sex we exchange pieces of soul with each other. This is very helpful and beautiful in marriage because your bond grows stronger and stronger over time. Outside of marriage, every time you break it off with someone you’ve been making this exchange with, you leave those pieces of your soul with them. You are wounding each other, and becoming increasingly unwhole. God can heal all brokenness but wouldn’t it be better to follow His plan from the start and not inflict those wounds?”
This kind of teaching not only gave me a reason to choose purity as a single person and gleefully anticipate my future sex life, but to have compassion instead of judgement and pray for others who were wounding themselves and each other without knowing it, and who needed God’s healing. I’m not sure how it would come across to a sexually active teen, but I hope it would be comforting and hopeful and maybe even explain some of the hurt and empty feelings that secular culture has no explanation for.
Lord have mercy. I’m praying God’s peace, provision, strength and comfort over them.
I can still remember my mother-in-law’s comment on the birth of our second son. “At least you won’t ever have to worry about unwed pregnancy” she said. I remember being a little shocked and confused by the comment and I remember thinking that, should either of my sons get a girl pregnant, I hope they would be man enough to step up and accept the responsibility. I also wondered why, as an only girl child with five brothers, my chastity was so much more important than my brothers’ chastity. Why does chastity only seem to be important for female children? I made sure, in raising our two sons, that they learned that all people, including girls, are children of God and should be treated with respect. I think, though, that we all need to learn to respect ourselves as children of God, too.
I think this is beautiful and really good. Sex outside of marriage is so shameful. There is so much guilt and shame thrust on girls in regards to sex. I was so scared to have sex bc of all the horror stories of girls getting pregnant their first time or STDs. It took me ages to get comfortable even having sex with my husband bc if all the things I had been taught by others in regards to sex. I am hopeful that having discussions with my girls will help them to realize the importance of waiting to have sex within marriage but that regardless of the choices they make God loves them and wants what’s best for them and that their bodies are His. The idea of daily chastity being an act of worship is truly beautiful.
For years I struggled with sexual sin and pornography that purity culture was never able to break me of. It just piled on shame and a feeling of separation from God. When I started walking with the Lord daily and truly knowing him, and finally cried out to him because I didn’t have the strength to change myself, he delivered me and completely set me free.
When saw the title “Chastity” this morning I thought, “Oh! So we’re going there.” Reading the perspective of the devotional and all of your thoughts has given me a lot to meditate on. I grew up during the dawning of the True Love Waits movement. Being a unpopular, fat Bible thumping girl in high school I found celibacy not so difficult. But chastity. No, I don’t think I was perfect in what I watched and thought about. I was not in anyway physical with a man until my husband. Those months before the wedding we did not have sex, but that line can be very legalistic and easy to shall we say bend. My name means purity, not intentionally but there it is. I don’t think I’m pure even if I waited longer than most. This world has so many things to tarnish our shine. Now that I am married I’m ashamed to say it never occurred to me that chastity was a discipline to continue practicing. It actually gives me hope and a new perspective. God thank you for giving us this gift. Like so many of your gifts it something that grows between You and me. May I share my body with my husband in a way that brings him pleasure, but also brings You glory! That sounds so weird to say, but I know it’s right.
Prayer Request: Please pray for the Milne Family. They recently lost a son, father, friend, and this happened while he was caring for there 4 & 6 year old while his wife is dying of terminal cancer.
The purity ring idea has been a bit of a conundrum for me. Our local churches banded together to present it years ago and over 1000 students attended. Many bought the rings and some actually wore it – for awhile. One student told me that some boys thought it a “fun game” to seduce the girls who wore them. Another student told me she wore the ring around her parents “to make them feel good” but she slipped it into her purse when she left her house. On the other hand, my niece presented her ring on her wedding day to her husband. It was a beautiful moment in their ceremony. I can see the pros and cons of a purity ring. I understand its intention. I prefer however that parents and church leaders promote and communicate a more complete Biblical understanding of purity. It’s so much more than not having sex before you’re married. And that maintaining purity is not the sole responsibility of the woman. God created us as sexual beings. What He creates, we should enjoy and appreciate. He has boundaries for our protection because He knows the power of sexuality and how it can be misused. Today’s devotion is excellent in providing the much needed broader view.
Well said LV! I agree with you.
While I don’t disagree with families or churches teaching purify I 100% believe that sex and purify is an area The Church has mishandled for centuries. Rather than teaching what God’s good plan is for sex in relationship between husband and wife, it is taught that it is “wrong” or “bad” to young people, or there is a fear that if we talk about it people will want to do it…craziness! We need to include this topic in all conversations around disciplines and and God’s will-in healthy and safe ways-so that it can be understood and celebrated at the right time. I have had too many conversations with young women leading up to their weddings about the shame and fear they feel about sex even though it will be completely appropriate and good in context. That needs to change. Thank you for writing this!!
What a gift to us moms and aunts, teachers and mentors, to see chastity through new lenses and communicate that to the boys and girls in our lives that need to hear it. Need to know this gift to them. And how special this gift it is. The combining of souls is not to be taken lightly so God cleaves himself to us first.
“Chastity is a gift from God and not our gift to him.” I love this!
Thank you for this refreshing look at these verses, Lore! I appreciate your honesty and other commenters emphasizing how harmful the purity ring-type culture can be and has been in their lives. Several people mentioned how shamed they felt in their youth groups, how legalistic this all seemed as teenagers.I think a lot of us have missed the glorious expression of love and passion that is sex in our marriages because the Church has made it so taboo. In other words, we think “duty,” not “pleasure,” or think that we are bad for enjoying it so much, even on a subconscious level. I know I did for years! Song of Solomon really shows us what marital sex is meant to be: passionate, delightful, sought after.
This was perfectly written! Thank you. Looking back I can tell how damaged I was from purity culture in my early marriage – not feeling free in my body and intimacy with my husband because I was taught to guard it so firmly and no one discussed the marriage component well. Eight and a half years in, I’m finally starting to unpack what true purity – chastity – looks like. Thank you for this study and especially this day!
We are the bride of Christ. And we must be committed to Him alone-body, mind, and spirit. We must not let anything steal our affections. By the power of the Holy Spirit in us, we present our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing, over and over. This is our worship!
So good! Father encourages us to live foremost from the love we receive from Him
This one hit differently for me. As a married woman with a one and a half year old, sex is just something that is so easily cast by the wayside in this season of our family and life. There are always reasons it’s not a good time for it, and this message really opened my eyes that God values sex within our marriage and it should be a priority. Loved this lens on chastity.
I completely agree. As someone who grew up in those hurtful settings and teachings it has taken me almost 10 years of marriage to not feel wrong/sinful for feeling sexual/sexy with my husband because I was trained it was wrong for so long. Chastity truly is a gift but so hard to realize when it was drilled into you that purity, wholesomeness, and therefore chastity is on the female to ensure a pure life and relationship with God. I continue to work on it still with God’s help as Satan uses this in my marriage consistently to divide us.
Ditto, Angie.
❤️
Tonight my group of 5-6 teens will come for supper and to study God’s Word. I will spend some time praying more about it but, I think I will share with them this devotional. Yesterday I mentioned to the Lord that our study might be kind of short tonight and asked Him what He wanted me to do with the extra time and then this morning, this. One of the girls wears a purity ring. It is very much a positive thing for her. She feels valued and loved by the gift, and it serves as a reminder of what she wants for her life. The ladies are 17 and talk about seemingly everything together. I pray that if this is what God wants added tonight, that I would only have God’s words, and that the girls’ hearts would be receptive as His Spirit speaks to them.
I don’t think I’ve ever read anything better on the subject of chastity!!! “His gift to us…”
I so wish I could go back and have a do over with that perspective… but I’m thankful that I can go forward by His Grace!
When I was in college I went through a couple years of deep depression and I wasn’t sure if I believed in God anymore. In my day-to-day life I wasn’t really following Jesus because I was just so confused and depressed. During that time I was also struggling because my boyfriend (now husband) and I kept going too far in our physical relationship. In my Church and ministry people emphasized the importance of purity so much that it almost felt like it was a qualification for loving the Lord, and so I felt like I couldn’t even tell my best friends what was going on. I never heard anyone describe purity as a gift FROM God and not to Him the way this does. Because of that, I felt like I was failing and in my moments of pain and doubt I wasn’t allowed to approach the Lord because somehow sexual sin was worse than other sin. This feeling of God being inaccessible just made me doubt him more and it got to the point that I felt empty and suicidal- not directly because of my struggles with sex, but because the shame that came with it made me feel so far from God. It was interesting to read that sexual purity can only really happen the way Scripture describes it when you are full of the spirit of the Lord. I had basically given up my faith because I was depressed and isolated, and trying to stay “pure” without God felt impossible because I was missing the point. Salvation doesn’t come from purity; salvation comes from Jesus, and purity is a gift that comes from a relationship with him. And I just didn’t have a relationship with God anymore.
After a while, by the grace of God I started to see his true character and his goodness and I opened up to my best friend about what was going on and it turned out she had been dealing with a lot of the same stuff, but we were too ashamed to talk about it. Although Paul says that sexual sin is unique I think we are taught that it’s uniqueness makes it worse than all other sin, so we’re unwilling to talk about it and feel “disqualified” if we mess up. My husband and I waited until we were married to “go all the way,” but the guilt and shame that was a constant companion to our sexual relationship hasn’t left just because we’re married now. It has taken a long time for me to realize that sexual purity is something that is a gift from God and that it’s not a one time thing. Every single morning you wake up, God has new grace for you. It was only when I started talking about this with friends that I felt comfortable enough to start talking to God about sex in an honest and painful way (not just saying “God help me not have sex with my boyfriend”) and it was seriously life-changing. This thing that I felt was between us was immediately forgiven just like all my other sin, and I felt free from it for the first time.
I’m glad my husband and I waited to have sex because there’s so much blessing in saving that for each other, but even if we hadn’t waited we would have been okay. I liked that this said that chastity is a sexual discipline, not a rule. It’s something we need to work on, but if you have sex or “go too far,” you are NOT disqualified. And if you’re struggling with it, don’t try to make it better by just trying harder. Go to Jesus. If chastity is a gift from him, then the first thing we need to do is just be near to Him.
I’ve seen so many hurt and wounded by lessons on “purity”. We act like in our society and apparently in these texts that being a sex worker is the worst thing we can do as a woman. We are so much more than sexual beings however we are sexual beings. And being sexual is something I feel like we’ve been told to repress. We’ve all heard the jokes about how women don’t like sex as much as men. Being of “pure” mind might look different for everyone. But I’m more concerned for the women being controlled and hurt by verses and put down for having God given sexual desires. I’m not sure what the answer is to helping women find freedom and protect themselves and teach purity. But I’ve definitely seen how not to do in the youth groups and camps I attended. I hope in the future it’s easier to navigate for the sake of future women. That purity is not in what you wear or don’t wear. And your worth is never going up or down with sexual partners. You are not spoiled or soured or past your prime, you are not used up or damaged. The length of your shorts does not determine if you’re pure or not. You are always 100 percent a child of God and I hope that message come across in my ramblings.
This has so much to say.
Well intentioned parents, teachers hoisting a rule on someone that hasn’t chosen to live within it.
Guilt and shame that comes from wearing a ring, toeing a line that isn’t their choice or reality.
Very confusing feelings.
I loved her statement about chastity being God’s gift of love to her, more so than her proving her love to God.