Wives and Husbands
Open Your Bible
1 Peter 3:1-7, Genesis 1:26-28, Ephesians 5:22-33
BY Claire Gibson
Just before Thanksgiving, Patrick asked my father for his blessing to propose. An Army Colonel who’d spent nearly 30 years serving in the U.S. Military, my father has all the outward trappings of intimidation. Patrick braced for the third degree. Instead, my father laughed, shrugged, and smiled.
“You’re both smart,” he said. “If Claire wants to marry you, then you have my blessing.” Before Patrick could breathe easy, my father put up one finger as if he’d just remembered something important.
“You know, Claire has a tendency to want to take charge,” he said.
Way to go dad. I can’t blame him for saying that—it’s true. I do have a tendency to want to take charge. For that reason, reading this passage is difficult. It’s easy to read verses about how God loves me. It’s hard to read about what God expects of me. But deep down I know the passages of Scripture that make me most uncomfortable are likely the passages I need to engage with the most.
When I read this passage the first time, all I could think about were women who’ve been mistreated, oppressed, and abused by men who have used these Scriptures to justify their abhorrent behavior. But Peter isn’t writing this passage for society at large. He’s telling individual women to submit to their own husbands, not for all women everywhere to be subordinate to men in general.
If my father’s first warning weren’t enough, nine years of marriage have likely taught my husband that my ability to submit isn’t my best quality. Whenever there’s a decision to be made, my knee-jerk reaction is to grab the reins—not out of kindness, but out of pride and fear. My desire for control is more powerful than my desire for deeper marital connection. All the while, the world tells me that I can be superwoman, have it all, remain young-looking, and raise a family. Soon, my hands are full of reins, but my heart is empty of peace. God invites me into a new way of living. The new way is slower, quieter. Because God loves me, I can trust that obeying His guidance won’t lead to more harm but, ultimately, to His blessing.
At the end of the previous chapter, Peter outlined Jesus’s suffering and sacrifice on the cross. He begins this chapter with these words: “In the same way, wives submit yourselves to your own husbands” (v.1). Peter then calls husbands to do the same, especially taking in to account the societal norms of the day, which saw women as “weaker” and less than their male counterparts. He instructs:
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life (v.7).
Jesus gave us a model for sacrificial love. And if we’re following His model, we cannot be surprised when loving well is sometimes hard and messy; it may cost us something in return. Jesus put down His rights in order to grant us access to the kingdom of God. In the same way, we’re called to put down our own need for control, trusting His ways are best.
81 thoughts on "Wives and Husbands"
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One of the things that strike me when we read these verses is that we focus a lot in the word submit. What it also says is ‘husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.’ Our husbands are called to lay their lives down for us, defend and challenge us. Bring out the best qualities in us. And in an ideal world this husband would be easy to submit to. So let’s focus on what it is to also sacrificially love our husbands and draw out the Christ in them.
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I pray the I would find beauty in the inward and not the outward. I know that our society is obsessed with outward beauty, I pray that I would be different.
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Passages about relationships are hard when you are not in one. But I’m choosing to see this in the hope and light of my future love.
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Twice I have sat down to reread and respond to my readings. Both times I have been interrupted in a way that did not allow a finish to the response. In times like that I open my hans before God and ask, “Do you want me to share, or not, I want to honor you.” I have been married 33 years. I have a friend, slightly older who has never been married. I remember when she struggled with her biological clock ticking, and almost entered a relationship she knew would not have pleased God. I see her know, used by God and fully fulfilled. There are a couple ladies and a young man that I work with, all godly individuals who long to be married. The man in particular just aches for a godly wife. I read posts by single, godly women, waiting on God, and think…if only. However, whether it is myself – married for 33 years, someone my sons ages married less than 10, or someone single…God has a plan for us. It is in our best for us to LISTEN and OBEY. In some situations it may be wait, in others He may call for us to lay something down (desires, control, power…), and it is always…LISTEN and OBEY. Thank you for Godly guidance in each situation. Give us wisdom, Father, for we trust You.
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Thank you for sharing this encouragement! I’m 33 years old and single, and this was such an encouraging reminder! Focus on what God is calling me to do today, in the present, and trust Him with the future.
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I love SRT, but I can’t help but feel you do the Scripture a great disservice by leaving off verse 21 from the Ephesians passage! God calls both men & women, husbands & wives to submit to each other. Our church believes in “mutual submission”, where if both spouses are submitted to the Lord and to each other, then their marriage is richer because both man & woman are leaning in to the Lord and bringing their own giftings to the marriage. The “head” of the house becomes God, not the man (or woman), but each have a responsibility to humbly serve both God and their spouse. I know we all come from different church backgrounds, which I love!, and the Egalitarian model isn’t accepted by everyone, but it’s brought freedom to my life and marriage, especially when it comes to decision-making in our relationship. Just thought it would be helpful to back up one verse for the whole picture. :)
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I follow this same truth, thank you for expressing the biblical verse that reinforces this way of relationship. Blessings to you xx
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So good!
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Thank you Mindy!
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I agree Mindy, Thank You!
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Thank you all for your comments, as a new bible reader I appreciate the insights you all provide on parts I struggle with so much.
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This is an amazing new way of looking at this passage and thank you so much for writing it. “I am called to do the same, put down my need of control, trust HIM!!”
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