The Miracles of Jesus: Day 12

Christ Conquers Death


Today's Text: Matthew 9:18-26, Luke 7:11-17, John 11:17-44

Scripture Reading: Matthew 9:18-26, Luke 7:11-17, John 11:17-44

In Matthew 9, we encounter one of the strangest miracles recorded in the Gospels.

A religious leader sought Jesus for help. His daughter was near death, and he knew Jesus could heal her. “Come and lay your hand on her, and she will live,” he begged (v.18). Jesus immediately got up and went to the girl, healing a woman along the way. “Have courage, daughter,” He told the woman, then He continued on (v.22).

When Jesus arrived at the religious leader’s house, He made a startling pronouncement to the crowd that had gathered there: “The girl is not dead but asleep” (v.24). And do you know how that lamenting crowd responded? They laughed. We may chastise them in our heads, but can we blame them? The girl was dead, and this man arrived and proclaimed that, no, she wasn’t dead—just napping.

Then Jesus did what only He can do. He brought life from death. He went into the room, took the girl’s hand, and she got up. The one whose death the crowd was grieving stood up and walked out to greet them, alive as can be.

Miracles do not fit a formula. There is no incantation, no guarantee for the super faithful. The nature of miracles can be hard to understand on this side of eternity. But that’s okay, because the miracles themselves are not the point.

In John 11 we see Jesus raise His friend Lazarus from the dead. But before He does, He pauses for this brief exchange with Martha, Lazarus’ sister:

Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”

Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life” (vv.23-25).

When I imagine Jesus speaking these words, I suspect He put an emphasis on the “I am” in verse 25. “I am the resurrection”as if to pose a direct challenge to the notion that He was merely the means of resurrection, rather than the resurrection in the flesh. Jesus knew the temptation we face with miracles is to desire the gift more than the Giver (John 6:26-27). He was quick to make the distinction.

The Gospel accounts of Jesus conquering death seem like the ultimate of all miracles. But really, they were only a short-term (and yes, miraculous) solution to a long-term problem. The only source of real and lasting hope is not a miracle, but the Messiah.

“I am the resurrection,” Jesus said to Martha.

As glorious and dazzling as a miracle can be, it has only an ounce of the power and glory of the Savior.

This is the message behind all these earthly miracles we’ve studied: Jesus is better. Christ didn’t simply delay death a little while; He overcame it once and for all. Death has ultimately died. This we know to be true.

“Have courage, daughter.” In Christ, our hope remains.



Sharon Hodde Miller is a writer, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mom of two boys. She is a regular contributor to Christianity Today and recently completed her Ph.D, which focused on cultivating the gifts of women in the church.

  • Atalie Jones

    Lord, You are the resurrection and life. You fully conquered death once and for all when You sent Your Son to die an unruly, terrible death. Thank You for making the ultimate sacrifice. Give me the desire to know the Giver more than the miracle itself.

  • “When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to not live on the basis of what he saw he couldn’t do but on what God said He could do.” Romans 4:18 MSG.

    Precious Noelle,
    I am praying the Lord wraps his arms tightly around you and covers you with his love, peace, and comfort. I am living proof that the Father is the master of taking the upside down and setting it right again. I am praying for you, sweet girl, and love you along with our Father and the sisters here on SRT. ❤️

    Psalm 18:28 “You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.”

  • Micahlee

    Noelle, you are so brave for sharing this. I’ve had so many friends who have gotten to this point of feeling like they should end it all. Many if then are christians. So, first, know that you are not alone. Not only are you in the company of peers but you are also in the company of prophets of the Bible who experienced the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. When all else fails, a quote I love is “go go back to the ancient paths. Lash your heart to the ancient mast.”

  • Noelle, if you’re still checking this, I went back to your original post, and I want to tell you that Jesus loves all of you, the emotional mess, the mental crazy, the physical pains, the spiritual lack. He loves all of you, wherever you are and however you are. I say this because I was convicted recently of all of the above, and he reminded me ever so sweetly that He is mine and I am His. Be comforted sister, we are standing with you. Praying for you from China!

  • Laura G

    “The only source of real and lasting hope is not a miracle, but the Messiah.”
    This study is just what I needed. My 16 y/o son has been battling cancer for the past 18+ months. We do not know if Luke’s cancer will be eradicated here on earth, and he will live many more years, or if God will choose to heal the cancer through Luke’s earthly death. I have felt that maybe I lacked faith because my belief is that God certainly is able to heal Luke’s cancer miraculously in this life, but I don’t know if that is His plan. But several of the people who asked Jesus for healing would say, “If you are willing…” – and this is what I will continue to ask Jesus.

    But one thing I fall back on when this battle is grueling and seems hopeless, is that my hope is in Jesus’s redemptive work – that Luke will ultimately be healed and whole in Heaven, and we will spend eternity with Him. It is a challenge for my finite, earthly, emotional mind to cling to this and have hope. But that is what I strive for – Hope in Jesus, day to day.

    • Deborah

      Thanks for sharing! Wow! When I hear whqr other women are enduring it puts things into perspective for me. There is nothing more devastating than a hurting child and I don’t know how people go through that without knowing Jesus and the Hope of eternity. I will pray for your son every moment he comes to mind. We know God will sustain you in every moment and His arms are big enough to hold you when you are too weak to hold yourself! Praying for God given strength and peace through the hurt of “why?” Praying for you.

    • She Reads Truth

      Praying for you and sweet Luke in this, Laura. Thank you so much for sharing this.

      – Stormye

  • Sarah Callen

    Such a good and timely reminder!! Thank you for sharing!

  • Diane Huntsman

    The only source of real and lasting hope is not a miracle, but the Messiah.

  • Dear Noelle,
    You are loved. You are loved by our Savior and you are loved by the women who are part of this SRT community. I know what it feels like to be in a place that feels dark and without hope. Lean into Jesus right now. I know that when we feel like we’re at our darkest, grace seems impossible for us. But I’ve learned that this is the greatest lie Satan uses to try to keep us from God. If you look throughout Scripture, Jesus is constantly showing compassion and bringing salvation to those the world considers “the least of these”. He doesn’t give up on people, even when they sin. He always draws His children back with love and faithfulness. You are loved. No matter what you’ve done or how far you feel you’ve wandered. Christ’s love for us is constant and overflowing in all things. Praying for you today.

  • churchmouse

    Help me, Lord, to desire the Giver more than the gift. Just give me Jesus. Amen.

  • Noelle… Oh I’m hurtingvfor you… the day has gone by and I am just finding your post…Praying for you sweet sister.. I echo every comment..

    You are absolutely loved.. here and most especially by The One who sees You, knows You, and died for you to have life and to the full …Lean on Him. Trust Him.. He is made strong in your weakness..
    Have courage Sister…
    I will continue to lift you up in the coming days… Sending love wrapped hugs to you from across the pond…xxx

  • Lorene Cox

    Noelle, how amazing that you so bravely shared your struggle here today. But also amazing, that this community has banded around you to encourage you and help you, to be the body of Christ to pull you from the lies and deception of the enemy, ultimately from death! Don’t overlook the wonderful work God is doing here, just as the devotional is titled, Christ conquered death. He’s doing it here for you today! Praise God! His ways are amazing. Keep being brave! He will work in your faith as you lean into Him and bring you from this dark place to a place of joy. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve been there. He is so faithful when you do as you’ve done and humbled yourself before Him. He will answer the begging we are all doing on your behalf today!

  • Noelle – I want to share with you hope. I too struggled with depression and wanted to end my life. But God, who is rich in love and mercy, walked me through that season of life in order to bring healing to much deeper wounds. I wanted to share with you the verse God gave me:
    1 Peter 5:10-11

    10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

    He acknowledge the suffering and the pain I was in. But he promised to restore me, make me strong, firm and steadfast. God himself moved and worked in my life and He has brought that healing in my life. Hold fast to him. He will work it all out. Don’t give up.

    Your Sister in Christ,

  • Elizabeth

    Noelle- I know what it feels like to hit your lowest point. I too thought life was over for me about 3 years ago. But praise God that my spirit kept fighting; kept seeking God. When my flesh was week, the Holy Spirit that lives inside of me & you was stronger. He dug me out of that pit, that lowest point. He met me there, heard every prayer, wiped every tear (and there were many). He gave me a message of resurrection and now 3 years later he is making ALL things new! Everything that wasn’t working in that season he has completely changed & restored. I feel like I different person. I sometimes have a hard time accepting the beauty and blessings in my life now because it was so different before. It feels like I have to pinch myself because everything that I use to strive for has almost fallen on my lap because of his grace. He is a good good GOOD father. His ways are not our ways but take courage and hold onto him because when the night is over, day will come. It is so sweet to trust in Jesus.

  • Cecelia Enns Schulz

    Dear Noelle,
    Right now look how many people are linking arms WITH you in what you feel like is your battle alone. You are beloved and chosen, a daughter of the King! Your life is precious and no matter what you’ve done, God LOVES you with an unending, extravagant love. NOTHING can separate you from that love. Nothing. Not satan and his plans and schemes. Not your feelings. Believe this today, dear one, you are important. You have a part to play. You are not alone, unseen, too far gone. God is love. And his love reaches to the very depths. You are made in the image of Jesus. You carry his likeness. Don’t deprive the world of that piece of Jesus. No one else is you. No one else carries what God has placed in you. Your life is important. You matter to those around you and to those you’re destined to touch in the future. Be encouraged.
    As a daughter of the King with the authority that he has given me, I command you to be silent, satan! Take your hands off this daughter. She is covered by the blood, made new and your claims have been nullified by the work of Christ on the cross. I thank you, God for this life and for what you are going to do through her. I thank you God that even now you are holding Noelle, whispering words of love to her heart. Open the eyes of her heart, Lord! Let her hear your words resonate in and through her entire being as this day goes. Pour over her your oil of joy, give her the garment of praise INSTEAD OF the spirit of heaviness. In fact, I just break the spirit of heaviness off of your life now, in the name of Jesus!
    Turn on some worship music and when those thoughts come rebuke them in the name of Jesus. He’s given us the power to take every thought captive in obedience to him. Even if all you can do is whisper no! speak truth aloud over yourself even if it feels like a complete lie. Feelings aren’t truth. Truth is. And Gods truth over you is that you are enough. You are his beloved. You are the one he was thinking of as he went to the cross. The you you are right now. And he didn’t think, we’ll shoot, she’s such a mess, I suppose I’ll go. No! He counted you joy! Exactly as you are now. He saw, he sees, and he has always loved.

  • Marytony

    Noelle, I am so glad to come back and read all the comments! I have been Praying for you all morning. Please know that You are so loved, by this SRT community and most of all by our sweet Savior.
    I want to commend you and Thank you for reaching out. Please, regardless of how dark and low you feel, NEVER isolate yourself! Reach out to either friends, family, your church family, this community, or professional help. Because one of the strategies of the enemy of your soul is try to isolate you, and make you feel lonely to feed u lies and destroy you. Please know that you are NOT alone, we are backing you up in the spirit. You are soooooo loved!

  • Noelle, I just prayed for you right now. I’m getting to ready to clock in for work in three minutes. And just read this. You are Jesus’ special girl! I’ll be praying for you throughout the day. And every day.

  • C Gunckel

    This study has had a profound effect on me……I have been praying for a miracle for my husband for awhile now and if I am honest I have to tell you I have been looking more for a miracle than I have the Miracle Maker, Jesus! Yesterday we received word that upon approval of our insurance my husband will receive a lung transplant. This study has helped me to see and seek Jesus, not a miracle because He Is The Miracle!

  • Sarah D.

    Noelle, you are loved!!!!! By all of these women here and most of all, you are loved by God!! Whenever I’ve gotten in a dark place, I know it can feel like you’re sinking in a black hole. But I have learned that God is in the business of making broken things beautiful. We are never too far gone. Even now, God is chasing after us, calling us back to Him in repentance. He wants us to hand over ALL of us into His hands. Every doubt, every fear, every burden, every sin, every thought. He is with you, Jesus died for you so that you may have a life of joy and peace, in Him. Please don’t give in to Satan’s shouting voice. God is with you right now, holding out His hand. Run back to Him!! Praying for you from Northern VA ❤

  • Such a profound truth! And what a gift!

  • Noelle lean as hard as you can into our Heavenly Father. I am lifting you up in prayer at this very moment, knowing that God is wrapping his arms around you, holding you tightly and rocking you as his child. Noelle, this is an old hymn that I remember as a child…..Because He lives, I can face tomorrow, Because He lives, all fear is gone, Because I know He holds the future, And life is worth the living, just because He lives.
    Know that I will continue praying for you and thinking about you from Florida.

  • Noelle, I’m glad youve messaged again. You’re beautiful! He know every hair on your head. God loves you! I’ve felt what you’re feeling. It’s horrid. But God , but God but God he hasn’t finished with you yet. He is in you and with you and before you. He won’t let you go because he has so much he wants for you that will bring him glory. I’m happy to email with you if that would help at all. These song lyrics are lovely (The Newsboys)Nothing can separate:
    Nothing can separate
    Even if I run away
    Your love never fails
    I know I still make mistakes
    You have new mercy for me everyday
    Cause your love never fails
    You stay the same through the ages
    Your love never changes
    There may be pain in the night
    But joy comes in the morning
    The wind is strong and the water’s deep
    I’m not alone here in these open seas
    Cause your love never fails
    The chasm is far too wide
    I never thought I’d reach the other side
    But your love never fails
    You stay the same through the ages
    Your love never changes
    There may be pain in the night
    But joy comes in the morning
    And when the oceans rage
    I don’t have to be afraid
    Because I know that you love me
    Your love never fails
    You make all things work together for my good
    You make all things work together for my good
    You stay the same through the ages
    Your love never changes
    There may be pain in the night
    But joy comes in the morning
    And when the oceans rage
    I don’t have to be afraid
    Because I know that you love me
    Your love never fails
    Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh
    Cause your love never fails
    Much love xx

  • I am absolutely astonished. I am sitting here reading all of these with tears running down my cheeks. You all have no idea what an incredible blessing you are. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

    • Katalina

      Never forget how important you are ❤

    • Debbie

      You are loved so very much!

    • April Heather

      I’ve been praying for you all morning. Rejoice in the love! You are loved and cherished!

    • Trisha

      Dear Noelle, prayers for you from California! I am so glad you commented again. May God’s peace that passes all understanding guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus this day! ❤️

    • Kendra

      I’m so so glad you checked back in! Praying for you from CA. God doesn’t make mistakes and He uniquely created you with a purpose only you can fill! He knows, sees and loves you ALL THE TIME!

    • Susan

      Noelle, I have been where you are and I feel your pain. By crying out you have made the first step. May I recommend a book by Neil Anderson called The Bondage Breaker. Speak God’s word aloud over yourself. For me, Psalm 139 and Phil.4:4-8 were a great help. It is a moment by moment battle which our precious Father will help each step of the way. I’ve never commented before but wanted you to know that you are very loved and prayed for. Love from Texas!

      • Kristen

        Praying for you Noelle! And recalling the parable of the prodigal Son and the lost sheep. The prodigal son returned home with nothing to offer but himself. And he was rejoiced over and celebrated simply for returning! Praying that you continue to feel the love in your darkness and know that you are rejoiced over not because of what you have done or not done, but because you are His.

    • Caitie

      I’ve been checking in all day hoping to see you back here. Continuing to pray for you, friend!

    • Sarah

      Praying for you Noelle! That you would know God’s grace and love for you. And that your heart would find true joy in the gospel.

      • Lexi

        Noelle, I’m just seeing all of these messages, including yours. I read your first message, and immediately began crying because I know exactly what you are feeling and I’ve been in your shoes. Wrecked, broken, hopeless…and so frightened by my thoughts of taking my life that I ended up in the hospital. And I prayed. I prayed really hard that Jesus would clear my eyes…that He would allow me to see that He loves me so very much…that I’m here for a reason. He makes no mistakes.
        You are here for a reason, and Jesus loves you more than you’ll ever be able to wrap your mind around. He has a purpose for you. He is the only answer to our hopelessness.
        Please know that we all here are praying for you, rooting for you, lifting you up. Do not let Satan tell you blatant lies…he is the ultimate deceiver. Our God is the ultimate Healer! Lean in to Him. Sending you all my love, sweet Noelle! ❤️

  • Sweet Noelle, I’m praying for you from Tennessee. As we’ve read through some of Christs’s miracles, a theme becomes clear: its most often those who have nothing left and are at rock bottom where God shows up and reveals His mercy and power. I pray you will experience that today. And your beauty- loving self is not gone – the way you describe “dragged grace through the mud” show you have a God given gift for words. Beauty amidst pain. May God wrap His arms around you today and show you how to move forward ((Hugs))

  • Terry Anderson

    Noelle, I love you! You matter. I came, lived the sinless life no man or woman could live, and then I substituted my perfect life for ALL on the cross. It is finished. You are beautiful, My treasure, My great reward, and nothing, absolutely NOTHING can separate you from MY love. I have freedom, hope, help for you! I am so pleased with your honest admission and cry for help. I will help your unbelief. I am the Way, the Truth, the Life. I am the Light who can dispel all darkness. Fear not…I am mighty to rescue. I am for you, not against you. Because of who I am and what I have done, there is new life for you, a heart of love towards you now and forever. JESUS

    Noelle, I felt compelled to speak over you HIS words today alongside my encouragement. There is no valley too deep where HE cannot reach you, save you, accompany you out of the wilderness. HE prompted you to request prayer. HE wants for you to seek the help you need. PLEASE involve others in your battle to overcome depression and self-hatred. Take another step today and find a counselor to walk with you out of the dark and into the light. Praying for your complete healing, and for HIS LOVE to envelop you and see you through.

  • This got me today: “Jesus knew the temptation we face with miracles is to desire the gift more than the Giver.” Wow, I was convicted right here. God has brought me closer, giving me more and more of Himself through a certain situation in my life, and I’ve still been praying—begging—for the miracle. He should be enough. HE’S the gift. I want to be more than satisfied with the Giver, so that the gift is just a bonus if it’s given to me.

    • CJ

      Me too Eriana. Totally convicted.

    • Lana

      That got me too. It was so good and tied this study together perfectly.

    • Emily B.

      I love what you said about being so satisfied with Jesus that the gift is just a bonus. Thank you for sharing that perspective today!

  • Amen! Amen! Amen!

    “The only source of real and lasting hope is not a miracle, but the Messiah.” Lord, I pray that You help me to remember this. I’m so guilty of focusing on a miracle but forgetting that YOU ARE THE MIRACLE. So very thankful for this message this morning.

  • Margaret

    Noelle praying for you from Toronto Canada. You are loved and you are cherished. Hold on to God because He is holding onto you. You are surrounded by sisters who are lifting you up to the ONLY one who can restore you. He is with you always. Find comfort in Him.

  • Noelle, while I was praying for you, I kept seeing Jesus climbing into the mud to pick you up and carry you to be bathed and have perfume poured out over you. None of us deserves his lavish grace and love, but He still gives us just that! I hope His love and peace is tangible for you today and always! Praying in MO.

    • Kovalentine

      Psalm 40 “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire. He set my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”

  • Marianna

    Noelle, Jesus loves you! We love you! Let this be a miracle to you!

  • “Jesus knew the temptation we face with miracles is to desire the gift more than the Giver…The only source of real and lasting hope is not a miracle, but the Messiah.”

    Oh, how many times is this temptation my own and when the gift/solution/ miracle comes, THEN I feel SO close and thankful to the Giver, the Glorious Messiah. Jesus, forgive me for how often I get it backwards.

  • Oh sweet Noelle! I have been right where you are and I am praying for you today and the days to come. You will overcome this because Jesus who so extravangent loves you overcame this world.
    Satan, I say to you right now that you CAN NOT have Noelle. She is covered by the blood of Jesus and you can not touch one hair on her head. Take your spirits of depression, suicide and oppression and leave her in the name of JESUS!!!!
    Noelle know that even though we have never met you are deeply cared for sweet sister in Christ. Stand up and stomp around your room declaring that YOU ARE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF CHRIST! Put praise music on and dance around for mourning lasts for the night but joy cones in the morning. Continue to speak blessings over yourself hourly and daily to build your spirit up. Love from East Texas.

    • Caitie

      Speaking out against Satan does wonders! I am saying these words to him as well right now for you Noelle. Noelle, yell them to him- he hates when you realize his sneaky plans. When I am tempted, I sometimes yell for him to get away and that he has no power over me. It sounds silly, but it works!

    • Heather (MNmomma)

      Joining in speaking out against Satan…….

    • Kovalentine


  • Elizabeth

    Noelle-God’s grace can always repel our mud. It is bigger and more powerful than our mud. We can get in a pit and not feel worthy look up God is bigger than our mud. Praying for you in Texas.

  • Noelle, praying for you in Florida. Know you are loved. Words of a song come to me to share with you “the voice of truth says do not be afraid , of all the voices calling out to me I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.” This is a Casting Crowns song that can help to fight the enemies cry. Stand strong sister with a family and Savior that loves you.

  • Kovalentine

    Dearest Noelle,
    It took great courage for you to reach out today on SRT and all these sisters have shared is right on. I have also felt that pain and wanted to end my life. Every day for the past 30some years I have had to replace Satan’s lies with God’s truth about me. I remember back in college walking across campus and feeling so low and it hit me that the enemy wanted me gone. I was a threat to him. I remember feeling angry, so angry at the enemy for a change, and not at myself for my failings and imperfections. He is like a roaring lion, seeking to devour. He is the accuser of the brethren. I have learned to say to him when he throws an accusation my way, “You’re right, I did screw that up, I will never get it right on my own. But in JESUS God forgives and doesn’t hold my sins against me.” He can’t stand the name of Jesus and flees.
    One thing that helped me is writing out Scripture and putting my name in it. Post these truths in your car, your home, at work. Memorize the Word, which is your sword. Know that you don’t fight alone, you have an army of angels and SRT sisters right behind you. Make a list of the enemy’s lies and right next to them write what God says about you. Sorry this is so long! Ann Voskamp is a great read as well a book called Faith is Not a Feeling by Ney Bailey. You are on my heart, mind, and in my conversation with Jesus today. He loves you and so do I. From Baltimore, Maryland, “have courage, daughter.”$

    • Kovalentine

      Dollar sign typo :)

      • DM

        I love this, and so want to share your thoughts and ideas with a family member who is fighting depression in the worst way by self medicating. He has strayed from his faith; so I pray. Thank you all SRT for your testimonies and knowledge.

  • Celia Davenport

    Dear Noelle, None of us deserve Gods love. We are all sinners. Dirty. Undeserving. But thank God – His grace and love are NOT conditional.
    One of my favorite verses is “You are all around me – in front and back- and have put your hand on me”
    Ps 139:5. There is no disclaimer that says IF you are good enough, clean enough, God is still with you. Satan lies to convince us otherwise.
    God is still with you. He still has His hand on you. He loves you just as much today as He ever has. You cannot undo His love or grace.
    I’m loving and praying for you in N. C. ❤️

  • Linda J

    Noelle- Praying for you. Hold on and remember God created you and knows you and loves you. You’re his beloved and precious child. Crawl up into his lap and hold on to him.

  • Amanda Delbo

    Noelle, Lifting you up in prayer from Pennsylvania! You are so loved!

  • I’m praying for you in Michigan Noelle. You are a beloved daughter of God, and He sees you, hears you, and is near to you, even if you can’t tell.

  • Bethany

    Oh, Noelle, we’ve all “dragged Grace through the mud.” That’s the thing about grace. It’s unmerited favor! Absolutely, positively NO WAY any of us deserve to be saved by our gracious Father! You are forgiven! Set free! And no matter how far away you feel like you’ve run? He is RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!!!

    I’ve lived through the suicide of my father; it’s horrific. A permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please don’t do it. I’ve no idea where you are, but please reach out to someone in person today! I’m a huge fan of Christian Counselors as they were my saving grace after my daddy’s death.

    It does not matter what you’ve done. You are loved. Forgiven. A Child of the King! I’m praying for you in Georgia!!

  • I feel like ending my life. I don’t know that I would actually have the courage to do it. But I feel hopeless. I don’t know that anyone will read this, or reply, but I have no one else to talk to. I have thought I was a Christian. I have grown up in a Christian home, and tried to seek God. But i have come to such a low point. I am hypocritical, a fake. I am not pure, I am not the innocent truth and beauty loving person I thought I was. I cannot bear myself. I loathe who I have become. I feel like I’ve dragged Grace through the mud. I don’t know how to live with myself. I have never loathed myself more than I do now. I do not know what to do. I know God exists, I believe it with all my heart. I just don’t know how I can ever come back from this. I wish I could simply cease to exist.
    I am sorry for putting such a personal message out here but I am literally at the end of myself. I do not know what to do.

    • Pam

      Noelle, my heart is breaking for you right now. Precious one, please remember how much Jesus loves you. Don’t let satan’s lies deceive you. You are a child of the King – a beautiful woman who has been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb. I will be praying that you find Christian brothers and sisters that will walk with you through this dark time. I can promise you that I will be praying for you EVERY DAY and I know that our sisters here will be praying for you as well. Please, please don’t give up hope. Dear one, you are loved much more than you can imagine. I am lifting you up to the Father right now.

    • J

      I don’t know you or what you are going through but know that God loves you. Whatever you have done in the past is that the past! That is the beauty of the cross! He came to give us life a new life in Him! Cast out all of those lies that are saying you are not good enough or you have sinned too much. Those are just lies! In Jesus, we have true freedom. I pray that you will be able to experience this true freedom and experience His love! He loves you too much for you to give up! I am not the best speaker or writer but I just felt compelled to tell that God loves you and not to give up!!

    • Margareta

      Dear Noelle, I just read your message and am really sorry that you feel so sad and miserable. I know such dark times as well. At the end of the day we are all weak and we are all sinners-and luckily Jesus didn’t come to redeem the perfect but comforts and lifts up the broken-hearted. I’ll say a little prayer for you now, that you may feel loved again……and this prayer comes from Germany….I never dared to contribute a message to SRT, but that your text made me overcome my inhibitions is already a little miracle, isn’t it? Please feel hugged

    • April Heather

      Noelle please take heart and know that you are loved. I am praying for you (in Pennsylvania!) and you are not alone. When I read today’s passages I was touched by the fact that Jesus was “deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled” ( john 11:33) and had “compassion” (Luke 7:13) and this -“Jesus wept.” ( john 11:35). He feels your pain, sadness, and desperation. He is with you and loves you. As we do. I would urge you to reach out to your doctor as well. I suffer ( as both my daughters do) from severe anxiety and depression and there is no shame in it! You may benefit greatly from modern medicine. I beg of you to cherish your beautiful life and to seek the help of those around you. Thank you for sharing your struggle here-we are here for you and love you!!

    • Tracy

      Sweet Noelle,
      Your honesty here is good. We have all drug grace through the mud. We all do it every single day. But God still loves us, still sees us, still hears us….still loves YOU, still sees you, still hears you. Romans 3:22 says that no matter who we are or what we have done we are all saved in the same way…we all simply need Jesus. He did not come to save the righteous, friend….He came to save you.

      If you have not read the words of Ann Voscamp may I encourage you to do so. She has been in you place, has tried to end her life, but her words speak hope to all of us women.

      Being a Christian is so often mis-interpreted. It does not mean life will be easy, pain free or great. It means that you can have hope. Hope of an eternal life that is pain free, easy and great. This world in it’s brokenness is not our home. We should have our eyes and hearts set on our eternal home in heaven, yes. But Anns says blessed is she who perseveres and does the hard and holy things…which is waiting until God calls us home.

      Praying for your broken heart and that you will know that Jesus comes to sit with you even in your muck and mire. You do not need to perform for Him, you do not need to pretend for Him, you do not need to perfect for Him. Just simply come to Him. You are not alone. You are loved.

      • Laura Lee

        Noelle, even your name means birth of our Lord! As you spiritually die to yourself, like the belly-slithering caterpillar into his cocoon, rise to live in Christ, shining in His glory, the new life of a butterfly. And know, as you take on the righteousness of Christ, whose blood covers all your imperfections, that Satan’s pointing accusations about you are nonsensical to God, Who sees only Christ’s covering when He looks upon you in delight and joy. He has inscribed you on the palms of [His] hands (Isaiah 49:26). God was pleased to crush Jesus (Isaiah 53:10), to intercede for and justify you. It is very hard to come to the end of yourself and grieve in sorrow for what you have been and done, but it is necessary and good to be in that place so you can accept the magnitude of what He has done to rescue you from the enemy’s clutches of sin and despair. Jesus makes all things new, and His sacrifice and love for you are good enough to make you a new creature in Him. Your name and your life testify, “Jesus is here!”

    • Beth

      My favourite of the names of God is El-Roi – the God who sees. Know that God sees you and feels your pain. He loves you unconditionally and wants to be in a relationship with you. I also urge you to seek outside help. Talk to your doctor and/or a counsellor. Sometimes God meets us in our pain through the help of others. And seeking outside help is not a sign of weakness. God designed us to need relationship. Your life is precious and you matter to so many people. There are women all over the globe praying for you today. My prayer is that you will find hope and feel God’s presence.

    • Carla


    • Julia

      I’ll be oraying for you, Noelle. God made you for a special purpose. I pray that you will feel God’s love for you and begin to see the beauty of a life walking with Him. Know that when you accept Jesus as your Savior, you are given His righteousness. That means God no longer sees your sin, but He sees all the goodness of Jesus when He looks at you. And everyday He transforms you to be more like Jesus. He makes you a new creation! He throws all your sins away as if they are on the bottom of the deepest ocean floor. You are never too far for His reach.

    • Kristen

      Dear Noelle,
      I am thinking of what I’ve become today too. However, we must remember God’s love!!! It’s never ending and immeasurable. I was just reading about His love on the First 5 app through Proverbs 31 ministry, You and I are alive for a reason! God has a purpose and plan for us! He can use any of us. Remember that even if we think someone is righteous they aren’t except through Jesus! No matter what we feel the truth is that we are loved deeply by the Creator of the Universe and we are precious to Him! That’s the beauty of the Cross. No matter what we’ve done, we can start again! Let’s just start again and rest in His unfailing live, compassion, and kindness

    • Earlybird

      You are loved! Prayers being lifted in Cleveland, Ohio!

    • Lilia

      Just believe, trust me i been there… His love is so overwelming and when there is a storm in your life the best is yet to come, bend your knees and cry out to the Lord, he is just there, so near so close, just be as the women from the crowd believe, your will pass this and call someone… Praying for you sis!!!

    • candacejo

      Oh how He loves you, Noelle! Please reach out for help, first to Jesus and then to someone close to you as others have suggested, whether it be a pastor, counselor, friend, family member. Do it now. The enemy will do his very best every single day to bring each of us to the end of our rope, wondering if it is all worth it and questioning our existence and even our relationship with God. But God never changes and His love for us is unconditional!! Nothing you have done can separate you from His love! Praying this encouragement will be a help to you as well. Know you are loved by this community and women all over the world are praying for you. ♥

    • Caitie

      Noelle, I pray that you would come back to these comments to see all of those who care deeply. There is nothing – no unimaginable, disgusting sin that can separate us from his love. He knows your heart even in this time of darkness, and he is not done with you yet. He loves you unconditionally and has you here for a purpose. Praying all day, and in coming days, for you here in Pennsylvania.

    • Jennifer

      Noelle, please don’t. I have lived through the suicide of my aunt when I was a child & my own child has been hospitalized twice for suicidal ideation. You have people that love & care about you in this world, even if you can’t find the strength to love & care about yourself. The outpouring in response to your comment is proof you are not alone. I know that hope is hard to cling to at the moment, let someone help you hang on until you find the strength to do it for yourself. Please call a crisis help line or go to your nearest emergency room for help. God loves you, even when you can’t love yourself. You are His creation & you matter. This always seemed like a strange verse to me until I went through this with my son & it is comforting. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor. 12:9) Crawl up in Jesus’ lap & snuggle into his grace. Let him carry you through this dark time. Don’t give up, reach out.

    • Rachel

      Oh Noelle, I pray you will feel the extravagant love of your Father today and he will help you stop believing all the lies Satan tries to fill your mind with. I urge you to seek help and to take steps towards healing. Know that you are loved by a community of women and you are prayed for!! Hugs!!

    • Hannah

      Noelle, one of my favorite truths about Christ is that He came for All, for ALL sins, for ALL shame, for ALL to be saved. There is no place that He will not go, no sin He can not cover with His blood. You are forgiven! Rest in that alone, if that is your only thought today. It is simple and powerful…Ephesians 2:8-9 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” I rest in that knowledge, even when my sin overwhelms me. Take heart, friend, He has done the work. Rest in that truth.

    • Amy C

      Noelle, do you have a therapist or a trusted person you can call and confide your feelings to? I’m so proud of you for reaching out to this amazing community, we are all here for you. I want to make sure that you have someone in your home community who you can seek help from, too. As a therapist, I can hear in the way you write your post the dark clouds of depression. Depression is not a permanent, unmovable thing, but is manageable and often curable! You can visit your doctor and ask for a referral, or you can search psychology today’s therapist listings for your area. If that feels overwhelming, ask a trusted friend – someone might have a good therapist recommendation. You don’t have to go this alone, my friend.

    • Karen

      Noelle, praying for you right now. I am also setting an alarm on my phone to remind me to pray for you in the coming days. Please, please check back in with us. We love you and care deeply about you. How much more and how deeper does Jesus love you is unfathomable. The first step was reaching out to us, I am praying you take the next step and seek help immediately right where you live.

      • Kellie

        Oh sweet Noelle, my heart is heavy for you this morning to read all that you’re feeling today. Praise God that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us!! There is nothing that can ever sepearate us from the love of God and praise Jesus that the Christian life isn’t about living our best life for Christ, it’s all about Christ living in and through us!! You do not need to follow a list of rules and do’s/do not’s to be counted worthy of salvation or grace, you only need to trust fully in Jesus and his gospel power is faithful to save to the uttermost. Praying truth over you this morning in Jesus’ name. With lots of love from Washington DC ❤️

    • Lesley

      Noelle, thank you for sharing with us. I’m joining everyone here in praying for you.
      Luke 5:31-32 says: “Jesus answered them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.””
      He doesn’t ask us to have it all together before we come to him, just to come as we are and know his love, which none of us deserve.
      Praying that you know his love today and that you are able to reach out to people where you are who can support and help you.

    • Heather(MNmomma)

      Noelle~ You are so very loved sweet sister…..lifting you up today and in the coming days….love and prayers from Minnesota

    • Emily B.

      How you’re feeling about yourself is a lie from Satan. He wants to drag you down and keep you there. But Jesus is telling you to rise up! He paid a price for your life; you are worthy beyond measure. He has a great and wonderful plan for your life. Seek Him, and you will find Him. He loves you more than you can possibly imagine, and I pray that you’ll feel wrapped in that love today and always.

      • Cassie Kendall

        This is SO True. Satan can use our sin to make us feel unworthy and further from the Lord. But we are never too far and never unworthy- He loves us no matter what! Praying for you Noelle!

    • Robin W.

      Sweet girl. I’m standing with all these other women, praying for you and hoping for the light and love of Jesus to wash over you. You are enough – exactly as you are. ❤️

    • Debbi


      Your father loves you with an everlasting love. There is nothing you can do to change that. You can’t surprise him – he sees and knows what’s going on. But no matter how far we stray, our savior, our brother, our Lord has come to save us. I pray that you let him save you today and every day.

    • Jacki

      Noelle, Please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. 1-800-273-8255
      There are people who care and help to be had. Please call!

    • Amanda

      Noelle –
      Sounds like you are in such a difficult spot going through days hating who you’ve become. I can feel the pain and hearing the aching as I read your words. Let’s not forget that our God is in the business of making all things new. He is all about redemption and though you feel too far away for Him to redeem, nothing is beyond His grasp. You are chosen and loved. You bear the image of our God and have been fearfully and wonderfully made.

      Praying you find the courage to reach out to a Christian counselor in your area. Where are you located? It’s brave of you to share this here but this virtual world makes me feel so far away. Is there someone you trust that knows you well?

    • Nads

      Noelle, my sister…I am so happy that you stepped on the Enemy enough today to reach out on SRT. Though we are physically strangers, our hearts are bound by God and experience together.

      Please, copy paste and print off ALL these comments and remind yourself of them and comforting Scripture.

      Yes, our Lord is stronger than the Enemy but, Satan ain’t no fool!!! He tells us some lies….what is much worse is he tells us some TRUTHS about ourselves but, in such a twisted way that he saps our joy, our hope, our faith in the One who died for us and His power to redeem us, etc…

      So let me lay it out for you, Honey. Have you sinned? Yup!
      Have you taken His Grace for granted? Probably (His Grace is too big for us to ever wrap our hearts fully around.)
      Have you made more mistakes and wrong turns than you can count?! I don’t doubt it.

      Are you worthy of Him because you are fully “holy as” He is holy?! Nope.

      **Is ending your life before HE is good and finished with the grace, the wonder, the Love, the mercy, the healing, the challenges, …is it even on the table as an option?! NO, please NO, Noelle!! If you regret any mistake you’ve ever made, please know that this will be by FAR the most regrettable!!

      Please reach out to a mental health professional with whom you feel comfortable; there is absolutely no shame in this, even if you don’t think your challenges are clinical. Please reach out to a counselor, to a pastoral person, and to friends…if you don’t have a friend to talk to, please reach out via SRT again.

      We all love you… genuinely… already. Thank you for being so honest with the feelings that so many of us struggle with. I pray you feel hands lifting you up.

      I love Psalm 139…it reminds me that I’m no accident on this Earth and, in light of the fact that the same God who created me thought I was worth dying for…pretty mind blowing!!


    • Katalina

      Noelle, I wish I could talk to you personally because I know what you’re going through. I’ve been in your same shoes and I would love to be able to talk to you and tell you there is hope babygirl. That God loves you even in the midst of all this darkness that you may be living in. I don’t know if you’ll read this this but it might give you a little insight and perspective. I’m praying for you and if you ever need to talk, please don’t hesitate to try and contact me.
      You are a child of God, a princess of our Savior. He has already chosen you.

    • Eriana

      Hi Noelle ❤ In August 2014, I was in my bathroom crying (something I never did) and begging God to take my life for me because I didn’t feel that I could do it myself. Like you, I didn’t want to exist anymore. It didn’t make sense because everything about my life seemed perfect on the outside, but inside I was so empty, lost, and suffocating. I felt so much pressure to live up to what I thought I was supposed to live up to. In that moment God spoke Philippians 1:6: “…He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…” You’re still here because you still have a purpose. You don’t have to worry about the pressure or the measuring stick. God just wants our hearts. He can do the rest. He can do with our lives what He wants to accomplish. He’ll provide everything for you. All you have to do is surrender, and the good thing about being at this point in life is that it’s the easiest place to surrender from. I remember that feeling. In John 12:24-5 it says, “…unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” I discovered this after my experience with suicidal thoughts and depression and realized that I had died in this world. From there I could live if I turned my sight, heart, everything over to God who would make it so clear later on how much He loved me. The following year was the best year of my life. I’m not saying it will happen the same way for you, but I’m telling you that you still have a lot of living to do. You’re going to be okay. You’re going to see your purposes come to life. ❤ If you want to talk more, please email me! [email protected]

      • S

        Eriana and Noelle,
        These words touch my heart. Just alone in these messages, look at the family in Christ that our Lord has provided. The love and compassion He gives us to extend to others though we may not even know each other. I’ve suffered from mental illness as well and I know those feelings and thoughts very well but Eriana made such a beautiful connection that I had never thought of myself. These hopeless moments mean that we have died in this world and how thankful we should be for that. God loves you, He’s watching over you and He will see you through this difficult time. Sending you all my love and praying for you.

    • Wildflower

      Sweet Noelle, it sounds like you are in the deep pits of depression. I have been there too and felt just as you have. Counseling and medication have made a world of difference for me. Please please please don’t be afraid to ask for help sweet one.

      • April Heather

        Me too! And I’m so glad to see and hear people talking about it more. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Medication and counseling along with prayer and friendship– and of course faith in our benevolent heavenly Father! They work together to bring us out of darkness and despair for those who suffer from clinical depression.

    • Wildflower

      Ps, a book that really helped me during my darkest time was Suicidal Christians by Nita Tarr. She totally gets it what you’re feeling. Please check it out ❤️

    • Erin

      Noelle – I second what so many of our sisters have said here. You are loved. God brought the following verse to mind to send to you:
      “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.” Psalm 91:14-16
      You know His name, Noelle. Call on Him and He will answer you. He is ready and waiting to rescue you. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. (Romans 8:39) Find someone trusted that you can talk to. Praying for you!

    • MImom

      Noelle, nothing you have done will separate you from God’s love – He will always love you, even in the mud of self-loathing. Romans 8 is one of my favorite passages when I’m struggling with myself (easy read in The Message version) especially the ending, “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” [Romans 8:38-39 NLT]

    • Eugenia

      Noelle, I pray you find joy in your heart once more. That you may overcome this moment of difficulty you face. God is with us always. Never forget that. When we can’t bear to walk on our own, he lifts and carries us. Forgive yourself as he forgives you and in return he asks you to forgive others for theirs. I hope you see there is light at the end of the path. Love, Eugenia. (UT)

      • Heather

        Noelle, your sisters in Christ all over the world love you! Satan is here to steel, kill, and destroy! Do not let that jerk win! You are more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ! He loves you, fall at his feet, take everything to him! Cast out and rebuke those evil spirits trying to make you feel less than you are. YOU ARE A PRINCESS WARRIOR, a child of the most high! Rise up beautiful woman! You are hear for a reason! Praying for you today, praying for these feelings to leave and that you will be filled with the joy of the Lord! There have been many times I have felt so Empty, seek help from the Lord and sisters In Christ!

        I don’t even know you but I love you. And I know one day when Jesus returns or the Lord brings you home that you will have a beautiful crown! you have a purpose here and you will overcome and fight the good fight and you will be rewarded! You’re going to have a powerful testimony my sister.

    • Lana

      Hi sweet Noelle. You are so loved. I want to encourage you to re-read the first scripture in our study this morning (Matthew 9:18-26). I feel like it could have been speaking to you directly. It’s funny how we can feel dead on the inside. And those around us will tell us we’re dead and will treat us like we’re dead, even playing a funeral march for us. But in busts Jesus: “the girl isn’t dead but sleeping.” Noelle, I think you might be sleeping, but in this exact moment, Jesus is offering you his hand, just as he offered it to the girl in this passage. But this where you have to do your part. He offered it, and now you have to take it. I hope you grab it and hold on to it for dear life. When I was going through a rough period in my life, SRT’s Mourning and Dancing study was such a blessing. I encourage you to read it and find truth, beauty, and love in it. And don’t forget to share your feelings with someone you trust. I go see a therapist every week. There is no shame in it. Find someone you like and feel comfortable talking to. That too can make all the difference in the world. Praying for you! Sending you a big hug across the internet. Love you!

    • Lindsay

      Noelle, you are not alone sweet sister. I pray over you God’s truths, that you would believe you are priceless and of greater worth than Gold because He made you!! Just as Jesus raised these people from death, I pray that God would give you that musterseed of hope that he can raise you from this dark place!! Thank you for sharing, and keep with others… in is in the darkness and in our loneliness than Satan can bring us down the most. I promise you are not alone!!

    • Celeste

      Noelle, you are so loved by God. I have been where you are and He wants you to know you are loved by Him more completely than you can understand. The song Pieces by Bethel music is such a beautiful reminder of that, and I would encourage you to listen to it. Take heart sister, Jesus has overcome!

    • Alexis

      Noelle, I have been where you are, at the end of myself and even made the attempt…But God.
      God hears you and sees your pain; know that you are loved and not alone. The Enemy will lie to you to keep you from recognizing your worth in Christ, your worth to others. Praying for you here in California. “And Satan, you take your hands off Noelle! She is a daughter of the most High God and you have NO authority over her life. You are to stop speaking lies of depression and hopeless and suicide. She is loved by Jesus and very precious to Him.”
      Thank you so much for reaching out Noelle, know that you are loved and worthy.

    • She Reads Truth

      Noelle, I want you to know that we’ve read this and we see you. We care about you, not just as a part of this SRT community, but as our sister and a child of God and in faith. We are going to respond to you privately, but we are so encouraged and uplifted by the community outpouring their support here. This is why the SRT community is so beautiful – you guys truly care for each other. It is always so incredible seeing sisters in Christ come together to love and support one another through our hardest trials.

      Please be looking out for an email from us shortly.

      – Stormye

    • churchmouse

      Just reading your post now and am in agreement with all the other She’s so have commented already. Jesus calls you His Beloved. Always and forever. Satan lies. He is lying to you now. Lean into the Light and into those who know Him. There are many who are available to help you. So grateful you reached out here and that SRT reaches back. We sisters in Christ link arms with you and we kneel in prayer for you. You are His Beloved and we all care. Please post again tomorrow. We all want to hear from you.

  • “I am the resurrection,”
    What beautiful, life giving, life transforming, life filling words…
    I am exactly where I am supposed to be, in terms of era, generation etc because of God’s plans for my life… and ‘my time’, but if I could have chosen which time scale I would have liked to have been a part of…I reckon these days in the life of the Savior would have been pretty spectacular!!
    I have loved hearing and reading of His miracles, but I can only imagine armed with the truth of the Word.., and that’s pretty awesome, but can you imagine being an onlooker or better still a disciple, or better yet one to whom a miracle happen…
    Don’t hear me wrongly, I love to hear and see the miracles of today.. but back then… it was hands on, up close and personal and in the thick of it all.. And dirty with a lot of walking, following..

    I follow Jesus because I believe in Him. I trust Him, (mostly, working on it), and my Hope is built on His unfailing, supporting, faithful, generously providing, life giving Love.
    Jesus has been in my past.
    He is in my now…
    He is my future ..
    Taking courage…my Jesus.. taking courage…
    Thank you Lord.. with all my heart thank you…

    In the words of our Savior…
    Take courage today sisters.. He is our living Hope…
    Every blessing for a good and God blessed weekend..xxxx

  • Rachael

    Jesus is better! Thank you for these notes. I so quickly, and I’m finding it very easy at the moment to, question why there’s no gift and not care for the Giver. I pray that Jesus would be my hearts desire.

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