Have you ever happened upon something and thought, “Yes! Thank you, Lord! This is what I need.”
Well, that’s what happened to me when I started doing the #SheReadsTruth devotionals.
Let me back up a little bit…I had slowly started to re-enter the online world early in 2012. I had taken a long hiatus from my blog (that I started as a newlywed in 2007) after several career changes and having our daughter, Annie Louise, in 2010. I had lost my “place” in the world of blogging, a world that I had been a part of for so long. I had made many online friends through my blog, but those had gone by the wayside.
When I felt a gentle nudge towards my blog again, I wasn’t sure where I belonged.
I was a full-time working mama, with barely enough time to get the bare minimum done. I felt overwhelmed by all the changes that had taken place during my absence.
Twitter. Sponsorships. Facebook pages. Link-ups. Followers. Pinterest.
Overwhelmed, I tell you.
I craved something meaningful, something life-giving, but all I felt was jealousy, intimidation, selfishness and greed. Those feelings didn’t sit well on my heart. Instead of declaring those feelings as toxic and telling them to hit the road, I let them settle in. I let them take roots deep down in my heart. I let them change me.
Those feelings of inadequacy ruled my life, and I had to prove to everyone that I was actually something good. So, along the way, I decided to fool everyone. IF I could pretend that I had it all together and do all the pinterest-inspired projects and literally control every aspect of my family’s life, then no one would see the real me – the Lena that struggled with enormous amounts of guilt and shame and remorse and feelings of absolute worthlessness. It was an ugly cycle.
I was barely hanging on, and then I hit rock bottom.
Because I had such a tight grip on everything in my life, if one tiny thing went wrong, I went extreme. I was spiraling out of control, and it was happening quickly. I was so captivated by what the world thought of me, how others defined me, that I had no idea who the real Lena was. I was scared and lonely and desperate.
That’s when I decided to seek help.
“The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18
I’m blessed to have found an amazing Christian counselor, who has been helping me on a road to recovery. And I’m even more blessed to have found the #SheReadsTruth community.
I started when I saw the buzz over twitter about a new community of women coming together, to study and dive into the word of God. I immediately downloaded the YouVersion Bible app, and I haven’t looked back. I have done every single devotional and study since this community began, and it has changed me for the better.
If you follow me on instagram, you know it’s the very first thing I do most every morning (after I make my coffee) – and I can truly say that there is nothing, I mean nothing, better than starting my day with Him. It’s the place where I can be just me – nothing else. I don’t have to pretend or lie and put on a mask – I’m just Lena, and that’s just enough. Even on my gloomy, lonely days, I am not alone. He is with me, holding my hand, as He leads me through those dark valleys. And for that I’m immensely blessed and grateful.
“I have told you these things so that you would find comfort in Me. In this world, you will suffer; but be courageous, for I have overcome the world!” – John 16:33
As far as the community of #SheReadsTruth? There is nothing better. I love clicking that hashtag and just seeing rows and rows of scripture. Women being vulnerable and sharing their hearts – now that is beautiful! Through this community, I have conversed with women in all sorts of seasons and all sorts of walks of life, but we all have something in common…and that’s Jesus.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him, to enable them to fulfill the purpose for which they are called.” Romans 8:28
So, if you’re on the fence about joining this community, let me ask you, “What’s holding you back?” There’s no time like the present. Join us – there is no right or wrong way. The only thing that matters is you are there.
// Lena’s Blog //